Mood:
so today's events (which were completely fucking unnecessary) i walked home feeling good & smiling to myself as the day wound down...i just had to go home & do hw now & i was set for the week...
i realized i recooperate fast nowadays...
i can start the day off stressed & actually end on a good note...not bad...it used to taint my whole day
anywho...so i come home i get online to find hw help & i see him online....he who said he'd come up wednesday to bring me the chair...(last wednesday aka a week ago) he said he'd call...& of course he never did...how typical...whatever...so i wasn't even going to im him i just didn't feel like it...i was used to it...didn't matter anymore...but he signed off....& that's when i said "fucker" outloud...yea i know this is a minute moment in my life & it really doesn't matter but you know what....i FUCKING hate it when people make me out to be the bad person....i didn't fucking do anything can't you people get it through your head? i feel like certain people avoid me because they did something wrong & they fucking act like it's my fault or something....best example: ken blocked me after we broke up as if IIIIII did something wrong...hey who am i to judge but he WAS the one that cheated on me...
boys are dumb
i mean it's not going to dampen my day but gawd i'm so fucking glad my past IS my past & i don't have to deal with this kinda shit on a daily basis anymore...
i have to admit...i really thought people were more mature than this...but i know i tend to give them too much benefit of the doubt...
he really treats me badly....i seem to forget that...i don't know why i even bother keeping him around as a "friend"
other random topic...i saw carl the other day...ironically as i was thinking about all the people i've met at berkeley...
i've met a decent amount of people..not a lot but enough...
(oh yea this was also spurred because yesterday 2 people said hi to me enthusiastically & i had no idea who they were...naturally i felt bad)
& i realized (ok i always knew but never really wrote it here) that most of my friends are guys...i DO meet a lot of girls but i never seem to click with them...(i have all my hs friends who are girls but they aren't going to be included in this section) so yea...i mean i know guys are easier to get along with but is it something about berkeley girls that just doesn't sit well with me? i mean of the girls i've met that i've relaly liked a lot are from completely diff. types of groups...& i know we'd never hang out on our own...eg, the girls that were in my pe class that first semester (we were all completely diff)
& yea...a lot of the people i approach to meet happen to be guys...eg, ben, khoa, etc...
i guess i'm just too guyish for most girls' tastes
you know this semester i change a lot...clothes that is...from business casual to casual to workout what not...
& i really wonder what people think of me from my clothes...
granted i haven't really cared recently cuz i seem to have a bit more confidence in my step but yea...
eg, i was walking for the bus w/ business casual on & one girl asked me " are you from haas?" i said no probably sounded a bit offended haha...the next day i saw her...i was in jeans & casual wear...i wonder what she was thinking or even recognized me...& today i was in workout clothes & i was walking semi fast i guess cuz today was a rush rush kinda day & this big black guy starts walking faster to stay beside me i sorta got confused & he's like wanna race? it was pretty funny but at the same time i wonder if he thought i was into running or something haha....
i dunno...sometimes i just wonder...
& like the mood says i am in need of a hug:(
it's funny...i have so many people i call friends but yet i don't really get hugs...only person i'd really hug that was just a friend often was like ben & he's gone:(
hugs are in demand...who wants to supply:P