this is what erick wrote for our own analysis of what happened during the project...
i thought it was cute...so i will post it...i made me feel a little better:
In an unfortunate turn of events on December 13, 2004, the Mars Explorer from team 2 experienced complications getting to Mars, resulting in a devastating crash landing. It is believed that somewhere on its path from Earth to Mars, there was a malfunction of some kind, though the exact cause of the crash is still unknown at this time. Although it was not able to complete its mission of tracing the ruins, we received some more satellite photos of the region that seemed to suggest that Mars was once inhabited by extremely intelligent life. The ruins spelled out the word ?CAL.? We immediately realized the importance of this mission. This proved that the minds at the University of California at Berkeley are out of this world. There was thought that many of them weren?t ?normal,? but this was definitive proof. All in all, we would still consider this mission a success considering everything that we learned.
my mom called me...she basically said i had to start paying for my own crap...i just grew silent...i was angry but at the same time i knew i should be responsible for myself...but at the same time...she is the one that wants me to focus on school....so i dunno what the fuck she wants outta me.....
inside i'm full of rage...
i had bought a lot of groceries to make the presents for everyone...probably spent a total of over $200...(that's for craft things/food/boxes) & this is what she said to me in chinese of course "why are you buying so much food, stop making yourself fat"...& you wonder why i have issues w/ my weight....i've gotten this all my life & trust me it's been much worse...& she wonders how i could EVER be depressed & how i could ever say that she is the main cause of the personal dissatisfaction with myself & my low low self esteem.
i had nothing to say to her...i was just silent...i didn't even raise my voice or yell like i normally do...i don't know why really...i just sat there...occassionally pulling the phone away & then putting it back only to have her still going off about the same damn thing...
i just don't care anymore...
nowadays it is only my mom that can truly make me break down & cry...
it's never really boy related anymore...
she always does this...
& i hate that she has so much control over me
in a weird way i wonder if i could ever do that as a parent...be so freaking forceful in wanting them to do things a certain way...but have them half hate me for it but at the same time not be able to rebel & NOT listen to me...they will eventually follow what i say because they have made it their own set of rules/goals...
i knew my weight issue has always been there..in & out of the picture...at the present moment...def in i am completely out of shape & i have no idea how at one point i was in such good shape...
boy issues...the thing is in reality i'm very very content w/ being alone...i love spending time w/ myself....just sitting there thinking or listening to music & what not...but my mom has almost embedded into my brain that if i don't have someone i am worthless....granted many girls feel that way but how often do their moms tell them at 20 years old "you are running out of time just grab someone quick" & that i couldn't afford to wait around or something to the effect of i shouldn't be waiting around for that perfect person...basically that i should jump on any chance...
i hate that
it never bothered me before really...i guess i didn't really care...but i realized that is always in the back of my mind when in reality i freaking love being single...
if someone comes into the picture so be it but if not i'm worth just as much as if i did have someone
"you are what you love, not what loves you"
never define your life through the eyes of others
you are define by where your talents & passions lie not by what ppl think about you...or who you're with...
i am
an engineer
an artsy fart
a card maker
a cook
a secret lover of motorcycles
a weight lifter
a thinker
i am not
adam/ken/dom's ex
my friends' friend
my mother's daughter
i have learned this later in the game but not too late...but that's what i love about his semester i have truly defined myself to myself...
i am more than what ppl see...
i am glad of that...
i hardly want to be someone that can be "figured out" & i have pride in the fact that ppl find me complicated & "hard to get" anyways i've been thru this before...but yea..
blogs always make me feel better...
thanks for listening blog *pat on head*