Now Playing: more keane
i wouldn't be here if i didn't have tons of stuff to get done....
so here i am
i was just thinking how much of an asshole dom is
haha
i actually haven't really thought about it in a while but when i realize how long we haven't talked i realized that he is a total jerk...& poorly he treats/treated me...
& of course i still hate "her"...but i guess with not as much passion...but i suppose it's cuz there is no feeling there anymore...it's just the principle...but it's in the past....so it stays there...
i would never sit & cry about it
when i was at the gym the other day w/out music i was left to think
i realized my capacity to overthink has gone down greatly...i can literally space out & not think about anything deep for a long time...that would've never been the case before i guess cuz there really is nothing to think about anymore...
i just have what lies in the future for me...no need to overthink the past
anyways that's not what i was thinking about...i was thinking about emotional baggage...& how some people choose not to get involved with others for fear of drama & excess baggage...
i started to think about my own baggage....& questioned if i had any at all...
my conclusion was something to this effect:
my emotional baggage is definitely not a carry on
it's something i check in at the counter...
i have a little slip of paper for it...so there is evidence that i have it but i don't really constantly think about it...
if it comes up i won't hesitate to talk about it but at the same time i won't bring it up as any sort of issue because it just isn't
& in reality the second a new person enters the picture it's all about them & me...my past does not really affect the things i do/the way i act...
granted the baggage does contain things i need to be me (going w/ the analogy my clothes my accessories etc) but i will not let it hinder me in any sort of way...
the things i've learned might make me hesitate occassionally for fear of a repeated pain but in reality i tend to end up going with what my heart desires....
i'm not sure that made any sense in words but it makes sense inside my head...
in a shortened version: i'd like to think my experiences have molded me into a better me...but they are no longer open wounds & i would never even call them true baggage...granted they hurt me in the past but they no longer affect me with the same intensity if any at all....
on another side note...dom's sister added me as a friend on friendster...i sorta forgot about my friendster acct & i realized it was sorta sad cuz i didn't talk to a lot of the ppl under my friends...i just sorta stopped...some i miss others i could do without...
but it reminded me too how much i love dom's family i don't think i have been treated so well by another family before...they pampered me like their own....& i just remember him saying that they didn't like "her" some sort of vibe she gave off or something...that they just didn't mesh well with her no matter how much she wanted them to...but they fell in love w/ me instantaneously...aww i'm so lovable haha jk...i'd like to think parents like me though...i seem like such a nice girl hahahhaha seeeeeem....nah i am! :P
anyways another sidetrack...everyone & their mothers want my money
ok so i was a total dumbass & i turned my sbc check to landlord & vice versa...so landlord gave me back the check & i called sbc today & it sorta freaked me out cuz apparently they cashed it somehow it didn't even say their name though! i have no idea how the hell they pulled that one so i have like $900 credit to freaking sbc & i had already given landlord a new rent check but they still gave me a notice today saying i didn't pay & i flippe dout cuz i thought maybe the check bounced or something..i still dunno if it did & i will get back the money from sbc on the 14th but i have to send in a new check w/ the corret amt...
& then the whole box situation described in cooking blog
& then! i came home wednesday to a door hanger on my apt door that said they accidentally left the cable on & i didn't have a contract w/ them yada yada yada & i def have paid them up til the current month so i was pissed off cuz it was just more things to deal with...i called them the next day (cuz it was too late when i got home wed) & i told them i had renewed my contract for a year's worth of cable in august & he said oh yea i might have left a doorhanger on your door by accident cuz you're right...fucker
anyways....that's about it for now...i really should do work...night all