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C is for...candor
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Saturday, 4 September 2004
going anal....about my life
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: norah jones-come away with me
(jon don't even think about commenting on the title...:T)

i realized that i've sort of stopped caring about things i used to dwell on...

my grudges i held with people...

not that i have forgotten about them completely but i've sort have gotten over the fact that they happened...& it no longer rules my life & my mood in the way it used to...

i feel completely refreshed...

the names of certain boys no longer trigger memories of pain or hurt or sadness...they are just words to me...

i said the name of one of them to chris last night & it seemed surreal...it was fake...it was as if i had made it up & plugged in a name...it was a strange feeling...

i truly believe i have forgiven them for the personal things they did to me...they have just left me with lessons...the lessons have changed my life...but them hurting me no longer brings me to tears...

i remember dom saying a person's room shows where they are in their lives...
i'm sure everyone can relate to having a messy room during finals because in their head they say "it's ok i'll worry about it later i need to focus on finals studying for now" your mind is a mess...your room is a mess...

in the past week i think i've cleaned my apartment at least 3-4 times...everytime it gets messy i get really itching to clean & i get really annoyed w/ the messiness...i put things aside & i clean...i completely 409-ed my kitchen tuesday..that means from floor to walls to counters to lifting microwaves & moving the fridge...i even washed my dish rack...i didn't think much of it...i just saw it as me trying to start over w/ a clean new year..

but now i understand more...

this summer i say i've done nothing...but i really did achieve what i meant to...a shift of the focus onto me...i am in a constant cycle of making me a better person...& slowly bit by bit cleaning up my life...

something about yoga too...it makes me want to be one of those very much into relaxation people...i started lighting incense and candles in my room again...just for me...just cuz...

it feels good to have someone to take care of again...& this time i reap the direct benefits of everything i do...

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 3:53 PM PDT
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