i was watching maury...
yes yes...horrible-ness
but..i found myself annoyed and amazed at the same time...
annoyed that ppl found it disgusting and entertainment...a way to make themselves feel better about themselves...to see these other ppl that look like they're in a worse situation than themselves...
but i was amazed...so amazed that these ppl were so in love...& they WERE happy...some of the couples were married..one was together for 10 years!some for 7 years, etc.....they weren't afraid to show to the world their love for each other by going on a horrible demeaning show like that...
i got pissed at myself cuz i wondered if i was in a relationship like that if i would be super proud of it like they were...& i don't think i would be...showing not only that i was self conscious but that i cared about what others thought
these ppl..knew what they wanted & went after it...
i, on the other hand, am unsure...how will i ever end up happy if i don't know what i really want & don't pursue it w/ confidence regardless of what others think....
i know this is no discovery for me..i know my confidence has always been a problem...or lack of i suppose...
i think maybe this is the first time in my life i am making a choice to keep a distance w/ ppl i care about so i can focus on myself...i have to admit...i'm feeling better already...
& this next little tidbit is for a certain person that has been pushing ppl out of her life because she's not happy...i just wanted to remind you that i'm very much here for you if you need me still...i have had dreams about your unhappiness...so you are definitely in my thoughts...i know you are pushing us all out of your life...which is fine if it makes you feel better...just remember to do things that make you happy & focus on things you're good at to remind yourself how unique and talented you really are...all we want is the best for you...& if that leaves us out of the pic then so be it...you will always be able to pick up where you left off w/ us if you choose to...we love you...