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C is for...candor
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Thursday, 15 July 2004
me
this was meant to be a summer of nothingness...it's clear to me now...

i'm writing this entry to remind myself...

in the fall semester it is all about me...

i plan to work on myself...& basically ignore everyone else...
that sounds harsh...that sounds bitchy...but you know what? i don't care...

i have already decided to end my cable at the end of summer...if i get anything it will be netflix...

i will no longer spend time online like i do now...i basically just talk to a few people on there...& there are other ways to talk to them...even thru email is more time efficient...plus i'm not even addicted to aim..i just go on when i'm bored..or even if i just check my mail i'll sign on..but that's not necessary...

i am planning to spend a lot of time in the library & ourdoors..as lame as that sounds...i really need to focus..now more than ever...i need to rediscover how i did so well in high school...where did the smarter connie go...granted the smarter connie didn't have baggage like she does now..but that's the point...i need to move on...& prove to myself once agian how great i was w/out anyone...

i just remember senior year....i was so involved...so active...yet still doing well in school...w/out trying that hard...at least as i recall...i was what i want to be now...i want to be out there...doing things...FOR MYSELF..not needing guys...not needing anyone actually...doing things i'm truly good at....

it's weird to think i actually was then..but i didn't realize...i was head of publicity...so was erika but everyone..even she kenw...i did all the work...i LOVED it...i mean...i was using my creativity & it was all over the school...posted everywhere & everyone needed my help...the vice principal LOVED me cuz she could see how talented i was...she was intrigued...i was on the project commission of key club..yes i did the shit work...looking for volunteer activities...setting them up...whatever...i was still good at it...hell i was like the only person that got projects for a while...& that's the whole dang point of the club...yearbook...i was reclusive but damn..i was happy with everything i did in there...i was better at photoshop & illustrator then...cuz i taught myself...i was really proud...nothing seemed to stand in my way then....i think i was happy w/ myself but depressed at my situation...but see...i think it's the opposite now...i like my situation..i go to a great school...i have my own apt...i know who my friends are...but the problem now? it's me...i'm pretty sure my situation will change but it will never be like high school again..thank gawd...so it's all on me now...all on me....i need to #1 do well in school....i need to prove to myself i can because i KNOW i can...i'm am absolutely positive i can...i just don't try...i vent & complain that i study all the time...hell i do....BUT the quality of the studying is horrible...i could be doing tons well in my classes if i jsut focused...& probably cared less about other people...thus the library..where conveniently my phone doesn't work so well...it's perfect...it's depressing but have my music..that's good enough...then...there's #2 improve my body...i've been complaining & complaining about this one...wow...probably since i was little...& it's number two only because i can focus on this any time & it's a bit harder...it requires not just motivation (which school needs) but will power too...& i'm thinking...since i'll be ignoring most ppl...i wont have my emotional roller coasters & i won't just stuff my face cuz i feel gross...& hopefully during finals i won't be as stressed cuz i will have been keeping up the whole time & i won't be eating badly...i think finals are almost always my downfall w/ my body...i'm usually fine during the year...so...the two are directly linked...then...#3 doing what i do best....this is more for my own happiness...this could mean a few things...cooking...cards...website....whatever floats my boat at the time...

those are my 3 goals for next semester...i am mainly writing this for myself...to remind myself...this is what i am all about now....ME

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 11:53 AM PDT
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