i walked into the school a bit late. i signed in & walked to the place where the kids usually do homework. it was locked. confused, i walked outside & i realized i recognized some of the kids & i found out from another volunteer it was play day. she said, "yea you can go play with the kids or watch or something"
i said, hesitantly, "ok"
i dreaded this a bit. everyone was already immersed into their games whether it be basketball or kickball or monkey bars etc. i walked around looking for some group of kids to play which. none seemed too inviting. i was about to just sit down & be a party pooper when i feel a tap on my arm
"tag! your're it!"
i look down & there's this smiling little kid that was about to bolt on me
i run after him & ask "who else is playing?"
"no one"
i smile.
i felt sorta special.
he probably saw me looking lost & was quite bored himself. i'm sure he didn't even have to think twice about just tagging me. no hesitation.
he'd keep changing the rules on me, but i didn't care. i thought it was even cuter...
then another boy came & joined us but got distracted by another game later on.
the first boy & i played til his mom came. she looked at me with grateful eyes & thanked me. he was still giggling as he left. i stood there with a smile i couldn't erase thinking you didn't have to thank me. it was my gain.
the rest of the time i sat watched 4 kids playing tin ball tag on the playground. then that 2nd boy came up to me asking me to play this game i haven't heard of. i began to play. he said he was in the world series of the game & he beat a 5th grader. it was adorable to see how proud he was of that fact.
as i was sitting there i saw this black porsche speed by with music blasting & this guy that looked like he THOUGHT he was hot stuff...& i was like oh gawd that's what these little boys will become? the horror...
i have only volunteered at emerson elementary like 3-4 times...but everytime the kids make me smile...where it just be them being themselves or a comment they make...
i remember the warnings from my friends saying i didn't have time for emerson..it was true i didn't...they said..you'll quit soon enough...
i did it anyway..i said i'll give it a chance..
the first day...at the end...the other regular volunteer said "ok now let's all thanks connie for coming!" & they all said in unison "thank you" & this random little kid just runs to me & gives me a huge hug
i was hooked...
makes me remember high school when i'd volunteer all the time...it wasn't for those stupid applications...i just loved doing it...i LOVED it it was giving into my purely always wanting to give side....& it felt great cuz i didn't have to think if i was doing the right thing or not..if i was giving too much...it was what i was SUPPOSED to do..i was allowed to be selfless with no questions asked...
i always knew that my ideal job was to be a mom...it was never something i questioned..& in a way i don't really know why that was...but being around kids & just knowing they make me feel so happy reminds me...their innocence, their default happiness, their energy, their curiousity, their eagerness to love....it's sort of how i've always stayed yet it's something i wish i could fully be...
Posted by blog/c_is_for
at 12:10 AM PST
Updated: Tuesday, 30 March 2004 12:15 AM PST
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Updated: Tuesday, 30 March 2004 12:15 AM PST
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