i was reading my xanga looking for that hero entry when i came across this...(2 separate entries)
10/02/03
i was walking to E77 lab today in a rush because i was last minute studying for my E120 midterm at 2 that day...since my discovery of a more less-walked & shady route to campus i never walked through sproul again...i don't know if it's the crowded-ness or saying no thank you to all the flyer hander outers (mainly religious & sorority & asian clubs for me) or if i'm just a hermit wanna-be...but anyways..that's besides the point...
i was walking...& i saw this girl sitting on a bench & from far away i just felt like something was not right...& as i walked by her she lifted her head & she was crying her face was a beat red & just had this confused frustration & talking on her cell phone i just wanted to go over there & pat her on the back & ask her if everything was ok & then i just looked forward trying not to look like i was staring & thought to myself...you can't save the world....you can only save yourself in your lifetime..maybe catching a few friends before they fall (i have a very visual image of that...) & i was like..that's so sad...i have always wanted to help ppl...help ppl feel better...but in reality i barely have enough time to keep myself in check & introspect....
i passed that bench twice later that day...the 1st time a guy was having a nice convo on his cell phone & the 2nd time a girl was lying on the bench resting w/ her cell phone & once again i thought about how it was better or worse cell phones have become so universal but that's another subject...i first was thinking..heh..they don't know a girl was crying her heart out on that bench this morning..no one cares...just another fish in the sea...
i even saw that girl later that day..it was weird...she wasn't crying but she just seemed emotionless...& she was on her phone but i guess it didn't go thru cuz then she furiously pressed buttons & put the phone back up to her ear & i just wanted to stop her & say "STOP! stop...stop calling on ppl...stop calling on friends...just stop & think...think about it yourself...what is wrong...look inward...venting may feel good for a while but it doesn't solve the problem...yes they can give you advice...but how well do they know you how well can they figure out the situation which has already been filtered thru by your own interpretation of the situation...only you can figure out the best solution...& figure things out...
& then it was borderline weird when i finished reading dom's live journal today & there was an entry that totally talked about this topic...heh...weird how we think alike sometimes...
i have to admit i was thinking about what dom had said about spiderman after i thought what i thought...innocent ppl or the one you love...i'm thinking i am only capable of choosing the one i love just cuz i don't have the ability to help everyone...i think i need to get that thru my head...everyone that needs help i'm drawn to them incredibly...i guess i do draw in drama...bah
10/03/03
i think i've become obsessed w/ watching that bench day to day...
yesterday i saw it just miss the patch of sun & today it caught it & it was perfect being the cold windy day it was...someone was reading on it...it always brings a smile to my face....
it is very oddly placed i have come to notice...it's in the middle of a bunch of bushes & it's the only bench sitting there...it's even missing one of it's little wooden backbones...
i see the armrest as it's arms reaching out...
waiting....waiting for the next student to find shelter in its embrace
it's is so lonely otherwise...
Posted by blog/c_is_for
at 12:21 AM PST
Updated: Monday, 22 March 2004 12:31 AM PST
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Updated: Monday, 22 March 2004 12:31 AM PST
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