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C is for...candor
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Wednesday, 10 March 2004
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WTF did i do to deserve this...oh yes....cursed with the freaking trait of being NICE....WTF is this shit.....

i want to punch a wall....relieve this anger....so the only thing i can freaking do is bang on the keys of the keyboard....

GAWDDDDDD DAMNKMFESAFO:IESH F:IOhao;wirehfio;aewr

i can't even express my anger at the moment...i'm not calm enough......

so that guy...he came to me & said he couldn't drop the subject...he still wanted my friendship...i accepted it...like i always do...

it was fine til i came home from work & he said something on the lines of how girls don't want to cuddle or kiss him or something & so i said if that was an indicator of self worth i'd be worth nothing...& he said i mean nothing? & i said what do you mean we're friends & he said...i said i liked you as more, YOU said friends...& he proceeded to say fine be like everyone else i'm leaving...& i was pissed off cuz i NEVER can accept being just bunched with "them" cuz i'm far from..not saying i'm better...i'm just not "them"...i got annoyed & i said so what if i did say yes let's be more you still would've pushed me away...& he said you're assuming..which i know i was...but he was also assuming i was "them"....i started saying that he had no right to lash out at me because i didn't DO anything to him...i had never DONE anything to him...i shouldn't have to ever be at the butt of his anger...he said he was angry at more than just me yesterday night & i got the easy end of it & i said well i shouldn't have to deal with ANY of it cuz i didn't do anything to cause it...i had no control over it....he didn't care/got annoyed...& left with a "bye"

i was left to vent in this thing...& now i'm fine...for now

why do i always put up with ppl i call "friends" that put me down...

a drunk chris telling me i'm fat or ugly or some crap....yoshi calling me everything that could possibly hurt my feelings....& now more of this...greeeeeeeeeat

dominic is sooo right...i need to surround myself with more uplifting ppl....everyone around me is depressed & pull me down w/ them & i let them lash out at me...for things i NEVER did...wth is this...

why after all this...i'm still the same...i still forgive...i still trust....i still have faith in ppl...i'm still nice...i still have hope that people will learn..........they never do

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 1:11 AM PST
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