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C is for...candor
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Friday, 26 May 2006
emptiness & my personal thank yous
it was just what i needed

a taste of nostalgia in a familiar place to make me realize how much i will miss this place

i walked to etcheverry to put the IIE banner in the student lounge because no one else seemed to be in berkeley

after i accomplished that task i surprised myself by spontaneously walking into le petit market to look if they had mint it its & they did

i bought one & bit into it immediately & it was everything i remembered (& an excuse to have 2 oatmeal cookies, mint ice cream, & chocolate all in one bite)

i realized that i would probably never have another mint it its again...(i've only seen vanilla in stores & it's probably only in the bay area since it's a san francisco thing)

i walked to a bench on which i befriended a squirrel 2-3 years ago...

the creek running peacefully in front of me...it suddenly hit me...it would never be like this again...at least not like it was in the past 4 years

when i finished the it its i began walking home on the trail that i had walked infinite times before....everything seemed to matter this time

i walked by my special bench, the place i buried beethoven next to the creek, the rsf where i have spent hours in pe class & just in general...walking down bancroft i saw the marina before me on this clear blue day as i walked along the best public university in the world

this past week i have spent time saying goodbye to so many people i have shared so many memories with & it has not left me more empty than anything

for the past few years i had defined my life into 3 major categories: family, friends, school
my life was rocky anytime there were problems or uncertainty in any 2 of these categories
but for the first time in my life one of these categories is being changed & there is uncertainty in 2.5 of these categories
school will become career & although i'm excited i'm also scared about what it may entail since it is unfamiliar to me...i will also go to LA with no friends...my high school friends made the transition to berkeley that much easier from which i branched out...& my family role will change as i move away from home & i won't be able to see them like i can now...

i have been so absent minded these days. i forget to bring things with me. i have no idea where things are while moving, etc. i was thinking my brain just collapsed from exhaustion, but on the contrary i think it's because it's so overwhelmed & is packed with so many worries & thoughts that i'm almost trying to supress it's just pushing the little minute things out of my mind...

graduation has not hit me...i am not relieved or happy...i think the realization will occur next august/sept when i won't have to wake up & go to lecture & i will no longer have to walk home from gaia late at night

i do want to thank my mom, dad, brother, sister-in-law, diana, chris, and chanda for attending my graduation to cheer me on...it was sooo appreciated:)

i am planning to write my own personal thank yous to most everyone i've met at berkeley on my blog (even though not everyone reads it) because i never had the chance to write personal graduation cards...i have so much to be thankful for in these past 4 years...

thank you...

chanda singh: for being my best friend through thick & thin; for listening to me talk about you-know-who for hours; for putting up with me; for our hour long talks even though we see each other almost every day

chris dong: for having food adventures with me; for cheering me up (with chocolate things & haribo); for cooking with me!; for our food nerdy talks; for everything you do

erick ribbens: for listening to me talk about food even when you're not interested; for being my people watching buddy; for studying together to "motivate" each other; for all the rides

jon thysell: for your technical expertise; for our nerdy talks; for our fake iron chef

doug sopfe: for not attacking me with a knife; for your silliness/weirdness; for us always designating your place as the meeting spot

alex brooks: for your funny comments; for our crazy inventions; for your noticing "hot girls"

audrey wong: for letting me practically be your 3rd roommate freshmen year; for your hilarity

maheen hassan: for your moments of funniness even though you don't realize you are; for your effort to make us all hang out

sharmeen hassan: for all the rides to mission; for your company in class

gareth williams: for your drunkedness & craziness; for never having me see you naked (unlike other ieor-ers); for constantly hitting on me even though i reject you

jamie mullins: for being a continual source of entertainment in class; for always welcoming my cooking

omer shalev: for not laughing at me when i drop stuff in the gym; for your skepticism in class

ameet salvi: for always being so nice; for coming form a "very special place"

michael joyce: for always being so enthusiastic & friendly to everyone

dini wong: for trying to keep me "buff"; for teaching me everything i needed to know about the weight room

liz liner: for being a great energetic and motivating gym partner this past semester

ben lin: for being there when i was down the first couple of years i was here; for always making me feel welcome

ben hockaday: for being there for me; for always telling me the truth

farzad sani: for always being hilarious; for being so quirky & occassionally OCD; for keeping freshmen year floor stories interesting; for singing normal sentences

satra zarghami: for welcoming to your study sessions; for introducing me to lings; for always being so sweet

anthony yau: for saying you'd beat up people that were pissing me off; for studying with me; for coaching me for KSA and answering all my questions

john meehan: for always making me feel welcome; for being so energetic

phel meyer: for being so nice; for encouraging me to run for iie treasurer

christine lozada: for being a great decal facilitator; for organizing so many activites to bond over

rachelle bertumen: for being so nice & a great decal ta; for thinking of "stealing" pearl necklaces with me

becca graff: for a fun monterey spring break

shane lau: for being supportive about the california culinary club

chen lin: for letting me know what's up & inviting me to parties

yang liu: for being so funny & lending your place to project endeavors; for the time we spent talking

alex liu, ed oh, ai nguyen: for being so excited about sharing what's new in our lives when we run into each other

ramteen sioshansi: for being an awesome gsi & so naturally funny; for the themed hws to keep it interesting

hannah koon, lori chen: for your company in math 54

prashant tatineni: for putting up with us staying in your apt into the wee hrs of the night; for being so inviting whenever something's going on

rich manzana: for being so excitable & inviting

danny tran, amy liu: for the fun hike in tilden park

john goldman: for joining me on my 21st bday dinner; for being interested in food like me; for being very pro-any activity

ali weisz: for keeping me company in class

kathy phan: for sharing your advice & helping me with anything

boris kletser: for introducing us to maggiano's & the spaceship song; for "attempting" to fix my apt light

rey doctora, connie ko, ching-yu hu, jean lai: for being great people to work with in iie

nur kasdi: for being so sociable and genuinely interested in what i was busy with

(this was in no particular order)

i love you all & no matter how little interaction we may have had, you all will have a place in my memory & heart

thank you

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 1:50 PM PDT
Updated: Sunday, 28 May 2006 1:17 PM PDT
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