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C is for...candor
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Sunday, 26 March 2006
the world is our oyster
procrastinating...i decided to "clean" my computer

i came across a few personal notes i wrote for myself

i had forgotten how i felt then

the funny thing is i feel like i've grown in the past year, but after reading those entries i realized that i was still the same person wondering how things would be different if a certain something happened (it was the same certain thing)

i'm not saying my past year hasn't changed me...i've have great experiences, met fun people, and had exciting adventures

but i think i've reached a certain limit to my maturity

i know that sounds weird & almost ironically immature

but although i could see things around me changing & changing me i couldn't see myself being anymore mature than i am now

of course at some point i will stop caring about what everyone around me thinks of me

but even that...i've eliminated a lot of that from my life already...i used to cling on everyone's every word & every look & every reaction...& i simply don't care like i used to

i've also come to realize that i'm very independent & that, no offense, but i don't truly need anyone in my life to be happy

i know my close friends are scoffing at that one cuz i seem to get so "pissed off" when people don't treat me right or whatever, but i guess that can be played both ways...i used to put up with that behavior & now i just don't...& that if those people weren't in my life i wouldn't be anything less than who i am now

& as one of my dreams told me & i have realized in the past few years "happiness is relative"

in those notes to myself there were a few sentences that struck me strongly (& i will put it here even though i sound bitchy):

i also realized that i am deep

sometimes i think...no i'm not i'm just about as complicated as everyone else

but after [person name's] email i realized i am

i've gone through so many phases of self improvement

& i don't think most people think about being a better person as much as i do



& here is the diplomatic part so you don't misunderstand...

i'm not saying that i've reached perfection or anything of that sort

but i'm simply saying that i've reached a point in my life that i'm really happy with how i am

with my goals, motivations, and joys in life

& i'm very glad that i'm mature enough to not let the little things bother me

& as i said before...for once in my life i am free from everyone & i am myself & i can fly in whatever direction i want & however i want

on friday, chanda said "the world is our oyster" & i said "i never got that saying" & she said "yea i don't either" & then i pulled a corny definition on her but i rather like it "maybe it's because you can take in all little sands of everyday life & with it you can make a pearl"

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 12:48 PM PST
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