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C is for...candor
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Tuesday, 21 February 2006
& the birthday bitterness begins
i really truly thought this year would be different...

i actively tried to by telling chanda my ideas & she carried it out...but it really was never her problem

every year i am reminded that my good friends are scarce & that i really am not cared for the same way i care for them

i called my mom & i told her i'm starting to get sad over this whole birthday thing again & before i began to elaborate she said "of course, because you always do so much for other people...you make things...you buy things...& you got out of your way to make them feel good & people just don't do that back" "yea...i know" was all i could say

i never told chanda about my annual bitterness because she always tried & i didn't want her to feel bad...i reminded her of the really bad mac & cheese birthday when we watching eurotrip & "friends" told me how annoying my bday was because now they had all this work to do even though they didn't even go out to dinner w/ me & i "used" up to 2 hrs of their time at most

it makes me treasure those that care for me...which isn't a bad thing! i thank them for everything they do & i would do anything for them

i know p had said that i always made it seem like the way i treated was the the right way & there was no other way..it always made me so angry because i never want to seem like/let people think i think i am better than other people...

but now i realize that i don't care if that is the case because my way really is the right way

any friend that makes another friend feel bad because they disregard their feelings or just doesn't care enough to care is NOT a friend

they are NOT worthy of that title

i hate to be a b, but they are especially not worthy of being my friend

because in reality i don't ask for very much for what i give in return

i just expect that they will ask once in a while how i am & one day a year they will say "happy birthday"

Posted by blog/c_is_for at 11:31 PM PST
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