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Queen Mo's Blog
Tuesday, 23 September 2003
bye bye love
It's a good title for a movie, but the movie itself must suck! lol Plus, i don't like Renee Zellweger (?) that much. I just love the title very much! :) Anyway, the title of this entry has nothing to deal with love or maybe just a little. I should've called it "welcome new life"! I'm ready to leave everything behind: school, my so-called family, this city, even my everylasting love. Everything! Anyway, i'll be happier after leaving everything behind. I want a whole new life! I'm gonna be 18 next month so i can do whatever i want. I don't care if that means working in Mc Do's for a little while. I'll do some auditions because i've never wanted to study and always felt like i was meant to do something special! I'm not scared at all and i'm even surprised myself. It's not an easy thing to do. I mean leaving everything to start something new. I think it's more brave to leave than staying. I'll succeed anyway! I have enough will to succeed!

Posted by blog/bebedior at 5:10 PM MEST
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Sunday, 21 September 2003
the weekend
So, it's sunday evening. I spent the night at Cacahuete's last night. Pitchoune was missing though but she didn't want to come. Plus, she is sick so i think she did the right thing. You can't have fun when you are sick.

Yesterday afternoon we all went downtown. It was fun! We did some shopping and laughed a lot! Pitchoune was kinda out of place. I guess she was feeling that something was wrong with her... the flu! Poor her!

As i've said it before i spent the night at my bestfriend's house. It was not planned at all! I begged her to let me come at her place! The fact is that she didn't want me to because her parents would be there. (it's no big deal for me but it is to her) But she finally said yes so i slept there! We went to bed very early though. It was about midnight. I was so sleepy! lol It was nice spending a weekend together. We had not seen eachother for weeks and we won't see eachother before two weeks. The more days pass by, the more i realize that it's gonna be this way all year long. We won't see eachother everyday and we won't be able to communicate as much as before. There will be no more school skipping and shopping dowtown. There will be no more hugs or letters everyday. There will be no more complains or critisizes. Lots of things will be missing. It's already the case!

Well, i gotta leave cuz my parents are back i think!

Posted by blog/bebedior at 6:09 PM MEST
Updated: Sunday, 21 September 2003 6:10 PM MEST
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Tuesday, 16 September 2003
can't make up my mind
Once i'm like it's all over, he's playing me for a fool, and then it's the usual oh no we're meant to be and we're gonna end up together and all. Oh my god when will this story end and how will it end? I don't wanna lose him & that's for sure. I miss him so much but i'm scared everything has changed and we will never get the chance to get back together. He's not even online. I so wish he were so that we could talk...

Well, today wasn't a big day. Anouk has been back to school for two days now. Poor her! It must be kinda hard to go to a school where you don't know anyone. Plus, it mustn't be so much fun to live alone. I would like to live alone. Who could i talk to? It seems like it's going alright for her though. She just doesn't like her school and i think she told me she misses HS very much. I guess it's not the same atmosphere at all. She will get used to it and meet new people very soon. If not, she'll have to wait until next here when manon & i move there. ;-)

I had to take the "magic pill" again last night. I had not taken it since school had started. I didn't want to take it but i was feeling so sleepy and weird that i did. Actually, i was sleeping when Mel went to bed and woke me up. I think she did so much noise that it woke me up! lol I was so so tired but couldn't fall back asleep. I was feeling anxious. I waited 15 minutes or so and then i decided to take it. I guess i feel asleep very quickly because i can't remember what happened after i had taken it. I slept very very well but it was so hard to get up this morning! Anyway, i start school at 10 tomorrow morning so i will have more time to sleep.



Posted by blog/bebedior at 8:03 PM MEST
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Monday, 15 September 2003
little me
Little me is doing so sleepy.
Little me has loved sleeping lately.
Little me has been missing Tommy.
Little me has not been so happy.
Little me is kinda confused about life.
Little me dont know what to do to make it right.
Little me is missing her little tom tonight.
Little me is really confused about her love life.

Does she really know what she wants?
Does she really know what to do?
I guess she would say no.

Posted by blog/bebedior at 8:23 PM MEST
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Friday, 12 September 2003
i'm ill
God, i have the flue! I can't believe it! It really sux! The only good thing is that i was "allowed" not to go to school. :) I spent my morning doing stuff for Cacahuete's agenda. If i had been to school this afternoon i would've done it on Saturday afternoon since there would have been no other day.

Well, Tommy's doing fine i guess. He sent me an email 4 days ago (a very unpersonnal one). I replied back but he hasn't yet. It's ok though. The more the days pass by, the more i think that we have nothing in common anymore and i've just been holding on to something that ended so long ago. It's true, i'm holding on to something that is not real. I should really face the truth now. It's been over for a while and he has changed, he's not the same anymore. We're not the same anymore, we have changed. Our love belongs to the past and now we have to move on and start something new. I don't think i'll be able to be with someone or fall in love again. Anyway, i can't be with someone if i don't fall for this person so it's gonna be very hard but honestly i don't care. I'm not into having a boyfriend, neither a husband. I really wanna be on my own because to be honest i don't see the point having someone.

It's time to have lunch now! Damn these stupid kids keep screaming! I hate them!!! lol Plus some stink! OMG, it's awful!!

Posted by blog/bebedior at 11:44 AM MEST
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Sunday, 7 September 2003
the weekend
I had two hours of litterature yesterday from 10 to 12 and it really sucked! I can't stand the teacher, neither her lessons. It's so boring so i keep talking to Aurelie, Yanis & "Robert". lol I'm glad i only have two hours of class every sat otherwise i'd be dead! lol

I didn't do much last afternoon. I think i watched tv or something. Oh, i finished the letter for Anouk that i'm gonna post tomorrow morning. By the way there's a tv show about twins & it seems pretty interesting.


Well, today i woke up around 9:30 but went back to bed and listened to music with Mel 'til 11 & then watched tv. My life's so boring! Manon just text messaged me to tell me she was near my place so we could see eachother if i wanted to but unfortunately i'm not "showable" so we can't make it. I would've loved to though. Damn!



Anouks away for the whole week & i'm glad our "arguement" ended. She's taking a break before going back to school. That's a good thing! She'll have time for herself far from this place just like i did when i was in Italy. I loved Italy!! Anyway, i haven't even fisnished the things in her diary. I wanted to do it today but i helped mel to do her homework. I'll do it on Thursday & on Wednesday.

Posted by blog/bebedior at 5:25 PM MEST
Updated: Sunday, 7 September 2003 5:26 PM MEST
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Wednesday, 3 September 2003
school
Today was my first day of school and it went fine if i forget about the bus problem. lol I wasn't late as i thought i would be but a few minutes later and i would've been. My head teacher is Mrs Imbs. She' smy literrature teacher as well and she seems nice, way too nice. She never gets mad or anything. Hope the class won't be a mess! lol I start school at 8am tomorrow with 2 hours of philosophy and then two hours of E.A. with Diego. I hope i'll get to like him this year. He's nice but his lessons are not so interesting but as usual i'll have lots of fun with Assia & Maeva. I'm glad things are they way we left them. We're still as close as we were and i'm talking about everybody. This year is my last year of HS but i know i'll be spending it with the best guys of the HS.

This afternoon i went downtown with Pitchoune & Mel cuz Pitchoune was feeling kinda depressed due to the going back to school thingie. Sev joined us there. Actually, she had had lunch with two of her friends at "La tour de Jade". We went to the Jet 7, a gay bar and it was fun! There weren't many people so we didn't get to have as much fun as we expected it but we had fun together. Manon & Sev are great people and they're so funny!


I've had a little headache for the past few days but as usual it comes, leaves, and then comes back. It's due to the cold. It has become so cold outside! Besides that, i'm feeling fine!

Posted by blog/bebedior at 7:41 PM MEST
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Tuesday, 2 September 2003
going back to school
Can't believe tomorrow at the same time i'll be almost falling asleep on my desk at school! I can't wait to go back though. I wanna see all my friends again. The pb with holidays is that we never see eachother enough. That sux! That's really something i hate about holidays. The school routine will start again tomorrow at 10am. I wonder who are my new teachers. All i hope is that they are good teachers. I still think that most of the teachers dont like their job. It's plain to see: they dont give a fuck! lol It's quite an easy job though.

Nothing new is going on in life but that and that really sux! I can't wait 'til next year when i am going to live the experience of my life! :) It's gonna be fun. Still don't know where i'll go but i'll leave for sure and i don't think i'll come back to study after. It would really bother me to come back in order to study. I don't wanna study. All i want is to get graduate and leave.

Posted by blog/bebedior at 10:35 AM MEST
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Tuesday, 26 August 2003
the long day... aint over yet! lol
I really need to get some medicines again cuz i can hardly sleep well without taking the "dangerous" pill, the one i can get addicted to. It makes me sleep so well though!! Fell asleep after i took it which means around 2am and woke up around 7 because of these two supid girls, new kids my moms gotta look after.

I feel ill. My poor stomachs hurting. :( Wish i still had some medicine. Atleast i'd feel good. I just hope it'll all stop as soon as i go back to school cuz i dont wanna feel ill at school. That would be awful! Anyway i think i'ma take an appointment to that other doctor. If he can help me with natural medicines that would be a blast! lol

Tommy, Tommy, oh Tommy... i'm fucking missing you! lol God, i feel like emailing him or sending him an IM next time i see him online. Poor me wasn't even able not to download AIM again. I did it! I'm not so proud of it though but it's just a matter of time until everythings fine between us. A matter of a little year and then we can meet and do whatever we feel like doing! It'll be fantastic!! I don' tknow when i will send him an IM but i dont feel ready to do it now. Its only been one week since i last emailed him to tell him he would never hear from me again (exactly two months before my birthday, aug. 19th) so i gotta wait a little. Let's try to wait one month and then we'll see!

Posted by blog/bebedior at 1:40 PM MEST
Updated: Tuesday, 26 August 2003 1:41 PM MEST
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Monday, 25 August 2003
still expecting
I can't get rid of my old habits. I still sign on AIM everyday and even more than just once a day. I deleted the software a few days ago but now i use the express version. I think i would sign on a lot more if i still had the software on my computer. I just wanna see if he's online and or read his away message if he's away. He hasn't come on since i wrote him my last email. I guess he changed his screename & maybe his email adress too. I still expect to get an email from him telling me i did the wrong choice and it'd be better if we kept keeping in touch but that won't happen. Even if it may be what he wants, he will never do it but if it becomes too hard to handle, i guess in a few months i'll hear from him again. What will happen then? I strictly have no clue but i do miss him very much!

Posted by blog/bebedior at 8:51 AM MEST
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