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Queen Mo's Blog
Wednesday, 3 September 2003
school
Today was my first day of school and it went fine if i forget about the bus problem. lol I wasn't late as i thought i would be but a few minutes later and i would've been. My head teacher is Mrs Imbs. She' smy literrature teacher as well and she seems nice, way too nice. She never gets mad or anything. Hope the class won't be a mess! lol I start school at 8am tomorrow with 2 hours of philosophy and then two hours of E.A. with Diego. I hope i'll get to like him this year. He's nice but his lessons are not so interesting but as usual i'll have lots of fun with Assia & Maeva. I'm glad things are they way we left them. We're still as close as we were and i'm talking about everybody. This year is my last year of HS but i know i'll be spending it with the best guys of the HS.

This afternoon i went downtown with Pitchoune & Mel cuz Pitchoune was feeling kinda depressed due to the going back to school thingie. Sev joined us there. Actually, she had had lunch with two of her friends at "La tour de Jade". We went to the Jet 7, a gay bar and it was fun! There weren't many people so we didn't get to have as much fun as we expected it but we had fun together. Manon & Sev are great people and they're so funny!


I've had a little headache for the past few days but as usual it comes, leaves, and then comes back. It's due to the cold. It has become so cold outside! Besides that, i'm feeling fine!

Posted by blog/bebedior at 7:41 PM MEST
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Tuesday, 2 September 2003
going back to school
Can't believe tomorrow at the same time i'll be almost falling asleep on my desk at school! I can't wait to go back though. I wanna see all my friends again. The pb with holidays is that we never see eachother enough. That sux! That's really something i hate about holidays. The school routine will start again tomorrow at 10am. I wonder who are my new teachers. All i hope is that they are good teachers. I still think that most of the teachers dont like their job. It's plain to see: they dont give a fuck! lol It's quite an easy job though.

Nothing new is going on in life but that and that really sux! I can't wait 'til next year when i am going to live the experience of my life! :) It's gonna be fun. Still don't know where i'll go but i'll leave for sure and i don't think i'll come back to study after. It would really bother me to come back in order to study. I don't wanna study. All i want is to get graduate and leave.

Posted by blog/bebedior at 10:35 AM MEST
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Tuesday, 26 August 2003
the long day... aint over yet! lol
I really need to get some medicines again cuz i can hardly sleep well without taking the "dangerous" pill, the one i can get addicted to. It makes me sleep so well though!! Fell asleep after i took it which means around 2am and woke up around 7 because of these two supid girls, new kids my moms gotta look after.

I feel ill. My poor stomachs hurting. :( Wish i still had some medicine. Atleast i'd feel good. I just hope it'll all stop as soon as i go back to school cuz i dont wanna feel ill at school. That would be awful! Anyway i think i'ma take an appointment to that other doctor. If he can help me with natural medicines that would be a blast! lol

Tommy, Tommy, oh Tommy... i'm fucking missing you! lol God, i feel like emailing him or sending him an IM next time i see him online. Poor me wasn't even able not to download AIM again. I did it! I'm not so proud of it though but it's just a matter of time until everythings fine between us. A matter of a little year and then we can meet and do whatever we feel like doing! It'll be fantastic!! I don' tknow when i will send him an IM but i dont feel ready to do it now. Its only been one week since i last emailed him to tell him he would never hear from me again (exactly two months before my birthday, aug. 19th) so i gotta wait a little. Let's try to wait one month and then we'll see!

Posted by blog/bebedior at 1:40 PM MEST
Updated: Tuesday, 26 August 2003 1:41 PM MEST
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Monday, 25 August 2003
still expecting
I can't get rid of my old habits. I still sign on AIM everyday and even more than just once a day. I deleted the software a few days ago but now i use the express version. I think i would sign on a lot more if i still had the software on my computer. I just wanna see if he's online and or read his away message if he's away. He hasn't come on since i wrote him my last email. I guess he changed his screename & maybe his email adress too. I still expect to get an email from him telling me i did the wrong choice and it'd be better if we kept keeping in touch but that won't happen. Even if it may be what he wants, he will never do it but if it becomes too hard to handle, i guess in a few months i'll hear from him again. What will happen then? I strictly have no clue but i do miss him very much!

Posted by blog/bebedior at 8:51 AM MEST
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Sunday, 24 August 2003
shit shit shit... no more medicine
God, it annoys me! Gotta go back to the doctor's since i dont have any medicines anymore. That sux! I hate going there & the pains are back again. :(

Today i got to see Pitchoune & Cacahouete again and it was really cool! We spent hours talking! The only bad thing is that we cannot spend the last weekend of the holidays all together! That really sux!

Well, i'm gonna go to bed now since i'm feeling a little tired and a bit ill. Don't know if its because my parents forbid me to eat cuz it was too late for them or because i am anxious. Anyway i need some sleep. Luv.

Posted by blog/bebedior at 9:56 PM MEST
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Saturday, 23 August 2003
brokenhearted
The stomachache is gone but the heartache is still present and the more the hours pass by, the more hurt i feel.
I first wanted to this blog to be a way for Cacahouete to be filled in about my life, about whats gonna happen after she leaves but it would be a good idea to use it as my own therapy as well. I could create another blog but i don't wanna do this and after all it's time to be open up and go deeper inside of myself.
I just watched Charmed and the poor Phoebe still can't get over Cole and will never i guess. It's a fiction but that made me realize that my head could hide my feelings deep inside, sooner or later my heart would be stronger again. I'm scared that i will never be able to get over Tommy. It's way too deep, way too painful. I dont think anyone could get over what we had, what we went through and what we wanted. He's the love of my life and will always be. Nothing can describe the way i feel for him. Nothing can be stronger than the love i have for him. Nothing is stronger than our love and maybe while tears are running down on my cheeks he feels it and cries too. I'm sure that even if he doesn't say a word and doesn't show a thing inside he's as hurt as i am and he's hoping that one day we'll get back together. I don't know what happened but something was against us for sure. I envy every couple who can be together. Some don't even realize how lucky they are, some don't even know what true love really is, but still i envy them. I envy the fact they can wake up next to their loved ones, they can have lunch with them, talk to them, see them everyday, have this usual routine. I want that too but i know i'll never get it if it's not with Tommy. I know my heart and soul will never allow me to fall again and if one day they did, i would never ever love like i love Tommy. We shared so much, loved so much and i'm sure he still loves me. He loves me much more than he did yesterday and the day before but a lot less then the way he will love me tomorrow and the day after. Tommy is everything, everything i've ever wanted to find in a man. He has it all. I envy the girl who will get the chance to have him as her hubby, as her lover, as her friend but i know that he'll probably be happier with her than with me and i'm happy for him because he deserves to be happy. I never thought i could ever say that but if he can be happier with someone else, then i'd rather want him to be with that person than me...

Posted by blog/bebedior at 10:42 PM MEST
Updated: Sunday, 24 August 2003 9:50 AM MEST
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first entry :)
Hey! God, i can't believe i've signed up for another blog. I always sign up for stuff i never use. lol I really gotta write in this one though cuz since Cacahouete is gonna leave in October for college we won't be able to talk all the time so it's a good way for her to know about my life. Of course, there are cell phones, letters and all but it'll never be enough! lol I don't think i'll write here until the first day of school which means Sept 3rd or until the day Cacahouete leaves for college which means October. Anyway, we'll see. Luv.

Posted by blog/bebedior at 7:28 PM MEST
Updated: Saturday, 23 August 2003 7:29 PM MEST
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