The stomachache is gone but the heartache is still present and the more the hours pass by, the more hurt i feel.
I first wanted to this blog to be a way for Cacahouete to be filled in about my life, about whats gonna happen after she leaves but it would be a good idea to use it as my own therapy as well. I could create another blog but i don't wanna do this and after all it's time to be open up and go deeper inside of myself.
I just watched Charmed and the poor Phoebe still can't get over Cole and will never i guess. It's a fiction but that made me realize that my head could hide my feelings deep inside, sooner or later my heart would be stronger again. I'm scared that i will never be able to get over Tommy. It's way too deep, way too painful. I dont think anyone could get over what we had, what we went through and what we wanted. He's the love of my life and will always be. Nothing can describe the way i feel for him. Nothing can be stronger than the love i have for him. Nothing is stronger than our love and maybe while tears are running down on my cheeks he feels it and cries too. I'm sure that even if he doesn't say a word and doesn't show a thing inside he's as hurt as i am and he's hoping that one day we'll get back together. I don't know what happened but something was against us for sure. I envy every couple who can be together. Some don't even realize how lucky they are, some don't even know what true love really is, but still i envy them. I envy the fact they can wake up next to their loved ones, they can have lunch with them, talk to them, see them everyday, have this usual routine. I want that too but i know i'll never get it if it's not with Tommy. I know my heart and soul will never allow me to fall again and if one day they did, i would never ever love like i love Tommy. We shared so much, loved so much and i'm sure he still loves me. He loves me much more than he did yesterday and the day before but a lot less then the way he will love me tomorrow and the day after. Tommy is everything, everything i've ever wanted to find in a man. He has it all. I envy the girl who will get the chance to have him as her hubby, as her lover, as her friend but i know that he'll probably be happier with her than with me and i'm happy for him because he deserves to be happy. I never thought i could ever say that but if he can be happier with someone else, then i'd rather want him to be with that person than me...
Posted by blog/bebedior
at 10:42 PM MEST
Updated: Sunday, 24 August 2003 9:50 AM MEST
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Updated: Sunday, 24 August 2003 9:50 AM MEST
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