Thurs May 22, 2003 here we are face to face with a memory that cant be erased, although we need each other things have changed its not the same

IM sorry for all of the things and drama that I've put u through in the past three years, all of your relationships that i ruined and all of the times I've put you on blast or showed out, i cant believe how incredibly insucure/childish I've been driving past your house, talking to your friends , buying them things, doing is just to get your attention. every time you got mad at me told me not to call you and told me that you hated me i always came up with a way to be a- part of your life, even when you told me that we would never be together, i cant believe I've wasted so much time, so many tears and so much effort, my Mom told me that that was the worse pain you could know or feel, loving some one who won't love you back, but finally IM over that stage in my life. Ive accepted the fact that there is no US and there will never be a US. My Mom tells me that every one goes through this stage in there life, where they don't want to let go. but when u do let go it happens quickly. i Never meant to cause you any pain. You know who you are

Weds May 21, 2003 life is life

yeah im back with some simplicty ish, i was tired of the two columns already, anyway im sitting here listening to some monica "before you walk out of my life" ( its a old skool song very downloadable) but moving on ,sitting in the emergency room for the past few days gave me alot of time to think, I thought about alot of things and got my feelings and ish under controll. My doctor says im suffering from depression and prescribed me sum boosters. My grandfather is going for a valve replacement surgery on the 29th im worried but Last night I lost a dear friend , Remeber in elementry school when you wrote those do you like me yes or no check one. well thats what our relationship was, i met him in kindergarden, and we quickly became elementry school sweetheaarts. he moved to the protective brother like role in jr high school and high school (before he dropped out). I'll go into details later right now im gonna hit the sac- jay,