Stressed Out
Thank goodness we have tommorrow off. I am just about at the breaking point. This Sat. we cleaned out our camper that got flooded in Isabel. It was the first time we had been able to get in there, b/c a tree fell on the porch in front of it. Anyway, it was really hard to see this place that we had lived in practically all summer and all of our things just in such a mess. It was like, I know people whose houses have been flooded like this. Really sobering. On top of that, it's the end of the grading period and I've been cramming for tests but I'm not too optimistic about my grades. I have this huge story due Fri. for English that I'm enjoying but it's taking a lot to write. It's a really emotionally involved story, and some of these things I've never had to face myself and I'm struggling to put my heroine through the paces realistically. The time limit isn't helping. It's like I'm overflowing w/ ideas and I would love to do a really good job but I haven't got that much time. Plus, I've been doing the whole phone tag thing w/ Bill, he hates to call my house but whenever I call him he's busy w/ something, so this is not working out too well. I'm exhausted, physically and emotionally, and tommorrow I have to go to the dentist. This sucks.

Good G i r l Gone Bad
Well, not exactly. But I did sneak out of the house Fri. night to hang w/ one of my friends. No, I didn't get caught, and yes, I'm still a virgin. Seriously, you have no idea how many times I get asked that! Anyway, it was great. Said friend (from here on out refered to as Bill) is great to talk to, fun to be around, ect. ect. I had a crush on him all summer, if only b/c I never saw him, but then I kind of got everything back together when school started. Basically, I decided to be just friends, no benefits, b/c we did that before and I had a crush on him all summer. Not cool. But now I thought everything would be fine. Except I think he might be starting to fall for me. Why is this not good? Let's see . . .
A) Bill's 18
B) Bill is enlisted in the Navy and leaving for boot camp in May. After that, who knows?
C) I currently sneak around just to see him, it strains our friendship as it is, but a relationship???
D) I would fall head over heels in love w/ him and what if we broke up? I would be crushed. Really - emotionally I am so weak it would kill me.
So basically, although Bill is the ideal guy, not exactly an ideal situation. Plus, he's currently going out w/ a 21 yr old who really really likes him and he doesn't want to hurt her so he doesn't know how to break up w/ her. But the worst part is I don't think he knows how he feels - it's like he's just as confused as I am. Bill treats me like a princess - he respects me and is happy w/ me as I am. I would love to go out w/ him but . . .

Both Lost
Why do you do this too me?
I was fine, I was happy,
I was comfortable.
But now I'm confused.
Comforts me
That you may be too.
It's like you don't know what to do
But I'm not sure if that's right
Maybe it's all an act
Maybe you're faking it
But I don't think so
I think you're unsure
Maybe a little scared
And I am startled to have one so openly
Caring for me
Just set me straight
And hold me close
B/c you I cannot lose
I only wanted - no, I needed a friend
But you seem like so much more
And it scares me that
I might be wrong
But also
That I might be right
And that you
Are just as lost
As I