In a hotel in Athens:
"Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily."

In a Paris hotel elevator:
"Please leave your values at the front desk."

In a Japanese hotel:
"You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
"You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday."

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
"Our wines leave you nothing to hope for."

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
"Ladies may have a fit upstairs."

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
"Drop your trousers here for best results."

In a Rhodes tailor shop:
"Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation."

Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly:
"There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years."

In a Rome laundry:
"Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time."

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
"We take your bags and send them in all directions."

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
"If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it."

In the office of a Roman doctor:
"Specialist in women and other diseases."

In an Acapulco hotel:
"The manager has personally passed all the water served here."

In a Tokyo shop:
"Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run."

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
"English well talking."
"Here speeching American."

Sign in a hotel corridor in Istanbul:
"Please to evacuate in hall especially which is accompanied by rude noises."

In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

At a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today -- no ice cream.

Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan:
Stop: Drive Sideways.

On the faucet in a Finnish washroom:
To stop the drip, turn cock to right.

In the window of a Swedish furrier:
Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages.

In a Vienna hotel:
In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.