Birthday Wishes
From Brent
“Owner of CIAJ and SO:SOZ’
Author Notes:
This story is not really a SO2 story just a celebration story of my birthday…and the fact that
I’ve been in one fan fic already…^_^ Well enjoy yourself! ^_^
(Fireworks play off)
Guy: Good evening Vancouver and welcome to a special day today down here in our fair city, where today is no ordinary cold ass November day.
Guy2: Oh yeah no question…
Guy: I’m Bill he’s Marty! And where gay!
All: …
Bill: (Ah…can we do this at another time)
Marty: (Sure)
Bill: Today is Brent’s Birthday owner of the famous Claude is a Jerk site!
Marty: Don’t forget his Zelnack site which goes on sale soon…
Bill: I wonder what is taking him so long…
Marty: Yeah he’s really lazy isn’t he?
Bill: No question!
Dias: That’s it!
Bill: Why lookie here it’s Dias Flac!
Marty: Hey aren’t you Claude Kenni
Bill: The Jerk!
Marty: Friends?
Dias: …
Marty: Close friends?
Dias: UGH! HOKOUHA!!! (Burns Marty and Bill’s clothes)
(The newscaster turn into skeletons)
Dias: That’s better…
(Outside a big party is formed with Claude is a jerk floats)
Brent: Ahh…good as usual…this party is a success! Right Mr. Sean
Sean: Hey…(Piss!)
Brent: Huh?
Sean: (I have to film a scene where I fight Jan…can I go?)
Brent: No…you stay for my party!
Sean: Aww…I WANNA GO RIGHT NOW!
Brent: Guards!
(Jack from wild arms, and Glenn from Chrono Cross appear)
Sean: 0_0’
Jack: You called…
Glenn: Oh what do you wish of us?
Brent: Escort him to the…
Brent: Dungeon!
Sean: NOOOOOOOOO!!!
(Jack and Glenn cart him away)
Brent: Come! I must check out what everyone is doing outside!
Azim: …
Brent: Something wrong Azim?
Azim: Azim feels like a tool yes he does…
Brent: Come Azim…don’t make me get those two aging…
Azim: Azim is way better than a man with a sword and dude with a rat as a pet!
(Duffman walks in)
Duff Man: The Clug o Mug contest is going on right now!
Brent: Cool! Lead the way Duff Man!
Duff Man: Oh yeah! Duff man putting his paycheck on the last story he did on Opera!
(Outside a table with beers and 3 contestants are there)
Announcer: Ladies and Gentleman! Claude is a Jerk sponser has always been Duff beer and Shadows Of Zelnack…so this year we pay tribute to their service by doing the 1st annual Clug o Mug contest!
Selphie: Who came up with the name?
Irvine: Some guy…
Duff Man: Irvine! You promised Duff man a dart game at Brent’s pool table later!
Irvine: Hehehe…I can smoke you…just like this gun…
Duff Man: The only person who can smoke me with a gun is only Opera Vectra!
Duff Man: Hey Opera! Duff Man wants to see you when you win the contest! Oh yeah!
Brent: …
(Everyone turns around as they clap and cheer)
Brent: Greetings everyone! Glad you could come!
Ashton: This party rules Brent! But could you do something about Kayci wanting an autograph!
Kayci: ASHTOOOON!!!
Ashton: Ugh…
Brent: You got it! (Snaps fingers) Jan!
Jan: Hey where’s Cyril? Wasn’t he invited?
Brent: Oh yeah…
Brent: Camera two…locate Cyril…
Camera: Searching…Cyril located at Pool table…
(Meanwhile)
Cyril: 8 ball in lower left pocket…
Mr.T: Hurry the hell up fool! I got another commercial to do…
Mr.T: This time I’m doing a commercial about me dressing up in a ballerina costume and sell life insurance…
Cyril: (Hit’s the ball and goes in) YES! I’m good!
Mr.T: Here’s your fifty bucks! (Hands it to him)
Cyril: Why don’t we make things more interesting?
Mr.T: You talking to me Fool?
Cyril: Double or nothing…You and me in a boxing match right here!
Mr.T: Your on!
Crowd: Kick his ass T!
Mr.T: Damn straight!
Crowd: Cyril blow his head up!
Cyril: Your on!
Brent: Cyril your brother has been waiting for you!
Cyril: Ohh…Be there in a sec (Turns around)
(Mr.T gets tripped by Cyril’s foot)
Mr.T; HOLLY!
Crowd: HAHAHAHAHA!
Cyril: Halrious!
(Scene fades as it goes to a space station above the Earth)
????: MUAHAHAHAHA!!!
Hullo: So Brent is another year older…big freakin deal…
Hullo: I’m over 100 years old and look how young I look!
Dart: Yeah…super!
Hullo: Dart what is it?
Dart: Are you ever going to play LOD aging?
Hullo: NO!
Dart: …
Dart: So what’s this plan…you had?
Hullo: Huh?
Dart: Remember to kill Brent, ruin CIAJ, and make the people like Claude aging…you know?
Hullo: Oh yes how silly of me…
(Dart follows Hullo into a room with a huge machine with Claude on a table)
Hullo: Behold! My greatest achievement in the history of science!
Dart: Claude?
Hullo: No…Dumbass…
Hullo: The cloning machine stolen from Shadows Of Zelnack…
Hullo: Navigation 2...^_^
Dart: …
Hullo: With this I’ll create hundreds of Claude’s and crash his party and destory the SO2 heros…MUHAHAHAHAHA!
Dart: Brillant! Hullo…Oh…nope…sorry…
Hullo: What’s wrong?
Dart: Wouldn’t you kill those heros from other games…and if they die how to so defeat Evil?
Hullo: Got a point there…
Dart: And…can we order Chinese food for brunch?
Hullo: …
Dart: PLEASE!!!
Hullo: Fine…take my Visa…
Dart: YAY!
Hullo: But first fire up the machine!
Dart: Uh…right!
(Machine is turned on)
Hullo: Power systems…
Dart: At full your highness…
Hullo: …Main life systems?
Dart: Does red mean ok?
Hullo: NO!!! (Pushes Dart out of the way so hard that he falls of a guardrail)
Dart: OH SHITTTTTTT!!!
(Blood spatter)
Hullo: Eww…what a mess…oh well he sucks…
(Noise)
Hullo: It is done! My Claude army is finished! Now to make my visit…
Claude: …
Hullo: 0_0?
Claude: You got any change?
Claude2: Does this shirt make me look queer?
Claude3: I’m hungry for KFC chicken!
Hullo: Oh my god…I forgot they are twice as dumb as the original…curses!
Hullo: No matter Brent is dumb enough to deal with em! ^_^
(By satellite)
Expertise: Eh?
Expertise: Hullo is going to crash Brent’s party! I gotta stop her…but how?
Expertise: (Thinking…)
Expertise: I know…
(Meanwhile)
Crowd: JUG JUG JUG!!!
Duff man: Duff Man is enjoying this! Right Leon!
Leon: (Drunk) Yes…
Rena: Leon!
Leon: Hey woman…let me have my beer!
Rena: (Looks at Duff Man)
Duff man: What?
Brent: Hey look up at the sky…
Bowman: What is that!
Ashton: It looks like…
Clinton: A giant raspberry! Hahahaha…
All: …
Clinton: Can’t I be a little funny before I die in the next scene on page 221?
Brent: Yeah…good point…we’ll give you 6 more lines and then that’s it?
All: (Silence)
Ashton: I got it!
Ashton: Hey Dias how’s life?
Dias: Good…you?
Ashton: Great! …we still have one more line!
Brent: There we go! That’s 6! Opera!
Opera: LIGHTING BLADE! (Kills Clinton)
Cloud: Let’s here it for Opera!
Cid: YEAH!
(Evil laugh)
Jack: What’s that?
Hullo: Fools! You bunch of mis-guided creatures from other games that suck! And some I never heard of before…
Cray: HEY!
Hullo: Why do you take sides with the idiot who makes an Anti-Claude site huh?
Gareth: Yeah! Anti-anything sites usually blow!
Ashley: Not this one!
Brent: You controlled my friends you bitch!
Hullo: HAHAHAHA Happy birthday loser…
Leno: That was sure nice…
Hullo: Here’s your big birthday present! (Presses a button)
Brent: Oooo…can I guess?
Hullo: Um…(Wasn’t expecting that…but) ok!
Brent: Is it money?
Hullo: No…
Kayci: Diamonds?
Hullo: NO!
Brent: Is it…
Hullo: TIMES UP!!! AN ARMY OF CLAUDE’S!!!
All: GASP!
Brent: I was going to say that…
Ernest: I was going to say that too ya know…
Hullo: DESTORY THEM!!!
Hullo: Claude is a jerk will be renamed to Brent is a dead jerk! MUHAHAHAHA!!!
Brent: Guys your all video game heros!
Cecil: Expect for Duff Man!
Duff Man: Duff man has his jugs…OH YEAH!!!
All: Ewww…
Duff Man: Oh no…with that last remark Duff man is never going to work aging…
Hullo: Use your Air slash! ^_^
Claude’s: Air…um…what comes after the air?
Hullo: SLASH!!!
Claude’s: Oh…
Ashton: Take cover!!!
Irvine: I’ll handle this! Squall give me your GF!
Squall: …
Irvine: HELLO!!! EARTH TO STUPID GUY!
Squall: Here…
Irvine: Thank you!
Opera: Hurry it up!
Claude: SLASH!!!
Irvine: SHIELD!!!
(Air slash bounces off the party)
Hullo: Damn it…looks like that won’t do it…HEAD ON ATTACK!!!
Hullo: You too Albert, Gareth, and you Nickson
Nickson: But I hate Claude…and fact I’m on his next T-shirt…
Hullo: Hey I did a favor for you!
Nickson: Yes my queen…
Brent: Go! Jack, Rudy, Irvine, Opera, Ashley, Kacyi, Azim!
Azim: Huh?
Jack: Hey ass your up!
Azim: YES!!!
All: Charge!
Rudy: Go ARM!!! (Machine gun shoots down Claudes)
Jack: SONIC DIVE!!! (Blows away Claude)
Opera: LIGHTING BLADE!!!
Claude: (Has Ashley down) You die…
Opera; ASHLEY!!!
Duff man: Allow me!
Opera: Duff man!
Claude: Eh?
Claude: You have a big D on your suit…funny…
Duff Man: I am no laughing matter for you! DUFF MAN SPECIAL ATTACK!!! POWDER KEG!!!
(Breaks open Claude’s jaw)
Ashley: 0_0’
Azim: Sweet…watch this!
(Throws an ax and slices Claude’s head off)
Opera: Nice…Duff Man…Azim!
Brent: Our front line is doing ok…better send in our best sorcerers…
Brent: Celine, Rosa, Jeff, and Magnus!
All: Yes!
Brent: Take out the main people…by any force!
Jeff: You got it!
Roas: Before we go and kick Hullo’s ass…
Magnus: This epic battle was made possible by the people at the Duff Beer corporation…and by Fenril Legends…another proud sponsor of this miss teen America contest…
Leno: That was a mistake…
Magnus: CHARGE!!!
Hullo: So he wants to play…Gareth!
Gareth: Yes! I’m taking on the black haired one!
Jeff: FREEZING LANCE!!! (Misses Gareth)
Gareth: Missed…what’s next?
????: RIGHT HERE! (Stabs him in the stomach)
Gareth: W…Wha…What?
Jeff: (Looks up)
Brent: Expertise!
Expertise: I was a little late…had to stop over at Farwell’s…
(Meanwhile)
Farwell: Wow…Expertise send me a present…
Farwell: (Unwraps the box) I wonder what it could be…
(Bomb rolls out)
Farwell: Oh…shit…
(Back at the party)
Kayci: What did you send him?
Expertise: A little present ^_^
(meanwhile)
Hullo: Damn it…Albert, Nickson! GO!
Nickson: I don’t have a weapon…
Hullo: Sigh…here! (Gives him a hammer)
Mickson: Thanks!
Ashley: I get Alberto!!!
Albert: …HA! (Albert is transforming into a dragoon)
Ashley: Huh?
Albert: The power of the Jade Dragoon will overwhelm you!
????: Oh yeah!
Albert: Huh?
Ashley: Huh?
(Jan appears)
Ashley: Jan? what are you doing here?
Jan: I know that this is highly irregular…but meh…
Albert: WING BLAS…
Jan: DARKNESS WAVE!!!
Albert: Hey…he spoke out more letters than…
Albert: OH SHITT!!!!
(Albert’s explodes where his body parts are all over the place)
Jan: YEAH! (Slaps Ashley’s hand!)
(Meanwhile)
Hullo: Ehhh…Nickson! GO!!!
Nickson: Here I go!
(Nickson is running towards Dias and Rudy)
Nickson: DIE!!!
Rudy: What the? (Gets smacked in the head) Ouch…
Dias: HOKOUHA!!!
(Silence)
Nickson: Nickson’s back!!!
Dias: Huh?
(Nickson bats Dias in the head with his hammer)
Hullo: Way to go bro…(Loser…)
Nickson: Who’s ready?
???????: ME!!!
Nickson: What the?
Kayci: LEONheart?
Opera: But Brent said you were dead?
LEONheart: I was!
Nickson: Prepare yourself! We ex-president’s can throw things pretty hard!
LEONheart: …sigh…
Duff Man: DUFF MAN WIL TAKE CARE OF NICKSON!!! OH YEAH!
Duff Man: DUFF PUNCH! OOOOO! (Punch Nickson in the gut)
Nickson: Nickson is down for the count…
Brent: Good work guys!
Expertise: All we have left is Hullo…
Hullo: Hehehe my powers are beyond yours! Not even god himself can stop me!
Jan: Will see about that! DARKNESS WAVE!
(Brushes off Hullo)
Jan: Whoa!
Hullo: You moron…
Ashley: Ashton! Double team!
Ashton: Right!
Ashton/Ashley: DRAGON BREATH!!!
Hullo: HA! (Avoids it)
Rudy: ROCKET LAUNCHER!
(Hullo avoids the attack)
Hullo: Hahahaha…
Rena: I’m going to heal the wounded…
Duff Man: That won’t be necessary…
Duff Man: Duff man has his latest cure…
Rena: Eh?
Duff Man: DUFF MAN’S NEW HARD COLD LEMONADE CHERRY FLAVOURED DUFF SUPREME! OH YEAH!
Opera: Can I have one?
Hullo: You idiots!
Hullo: Looks like I don’t need Claude…I can take care of you by myself!
Ashton: Oh…We need a miracle!
????? ?????: And you do!
All: (Looks up)
(Spanish music)
Jeff: Senor Ding dong!
LEONheart: Wasn’t he from the Simpsons?
Brent: They did that for a cheap 2 second laugh…
Senor D: Now to ring your bells…
Hullo: Oh I’m SOOOOO SCARED!!!
Hullo: What are you going to do? Whip me to death?
Senor D: Close! But no ring! (Turns around and lift’s up curtain)
Hullo: 0_0’
Ashton: Is that?
Brent: The anti-Claude fireworks…
Irvine: They were going to be used for the party right?
Brent: Yep…
Hullo: I better shake up a few things and get this party over with!
Hullo: I call upon the stars…the sky…the moon…all the planets that rotate around the blue marble…gather your dark energy and crush those people in front of me!
Duff Man: Duff man feels a bad vibe coming…
Kayci: Hey what’s that in the sky?
Hullo: Now what?
Cloud: He arrived right on time…
Ernest: Who is that?
Cloud: Cid my dear friend…and I told him to bring a present for you…
Selphie: COOL! Pink floats!
Cloud: …
Cloud: Mr Hans!
Hans: Yep!
Cloud: Fire the rockets…
Hullo: NO! this spell requires no moving…DAMN IT! Why did I pick a Star Ocean battle system for this!!!
Hans: Rockets! Mr. Highwind!
Cid: Hehehe…FIRE!
(Rockets fire and head on their way down)
Rena: We need to get outta this area!
Irvine: I can use the GF!
Rena: No!
Ashley: I think she means…RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!
(everyone runs)
Duff Man: Hey no touching!
Senor D: Sorry…my bells are ringing!
Jeff: Gross…
Hullo: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
(Rockets explode as the smoke clears Duff Man approach where Hullo was bombed)
All: …
Duff Man: Her staff…
Duff Man: Duff Man has completed his scans around the area! Hullo is dead! OH YEAH!
Irvine: Three chears to Duff Man!
Kayci: But Cid…
Irvine: I said 3 cheers…(Selphie pulls him by the ear)
Selphie: Come on you…
All: …
Duff Man: Tis was Brent’s birthday and what did I see…a epic battle no one will ever see…OOOOO! (Thrusts)
Brent: Read the last paragraph…
Duff Man: In the end the heros prevailed! And the order of the anti-hate remained…
Duff Man: But somewhere the battle between Claude lovers and haters still goes on…
(Underground)
????: MUAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!
Reebi: Hullo has returned to us!
Gay: YES!
Precis: YIPPPEE!!!
Hullo: …My head hurts…
Reebi: What should we do next leader of the Claude Lovers?
Hullo: Rest! I just have the worst headache right now…
Precis: NO WE SHOULDN’T REST!!!! TAKE OVER WORLD!
Hullo: Oh shut up…why couldn’t I get normal soliders…like Irvine…
So the Claude haters won the first epic battle…but those lovers will be back and Hullo is sure to kick some ass…
Boy: Hey why didn’t Brent fight mommy?
Mom: Ah…well…that’s because…
End. ^_^
* This story is deciated to all who visit CIAJ! And for my birthday too*