Kazaam! Remember Shaqiel O'Niel's lovable genie from the movies? Well he's back and kicking rotwieller dick! His new religion, Kazaam, has people all over Sanchaston praising the giant erangatang fucker. Oh yes, it's true the religion even has it's own bible thing that tells people to go out and live thier lives up to the standards that Kazaam has told them to. His standards are:

1:Don't be a g-killa and always buy Shaq's rap

2:Stay away from that two-timing whore, Jennifer Lopez!

3:Kiss Kazaam's ass with your lips, mutha fucka!

4:Kill yourself if you aren't at least 6' tall.

Some of these rules have led to the death of many insignifigant people, but who really gives a flying fuck? I mean, Kazaam kicks Ronald McDonald Pussy, so he could take those mutha fucka's who say that Kazaam is just Shaq dressed as a penis. Come on! Shaq is just Kazaam's really good friend, and just because he is the "God" of basketball doesn't mean that he's not a limbo sticker or an ass-be-lonker. Come on you two toting mutha fucka's! Kazaam is the official religion of all of the workers of Helper, so they must answer yes on the question to get the job. And I don't mean one from Chris Lowell, either. I'm Johns Johnson, good night.