A more wonderful Group of people you could
never hope to meet.
They are ADD-Spouses.
Life partners, Lovers, Spouses, Significant Others.....
All living with someone who has ADD/ADHD.
Below, written on the wall, are 'Quotes'
from these Folks....
Be they funny, ironic, in-depth or just plain silly, they warrant
recognition.
May you enjoy, learn, laugh & sympathize right along with us!
| 29 Dec '99 | Actually, I think they need an ADD
dictionary. I know I've understood the words, but they have an entirely different meaning, for an ADDer, than the rest of the world's definitions!! |
LindaP |
| Dec '99 | If it has tyres or testicles..... You're gonna have trouble with it! |
~Sarah~ |
| Dec '99 | To another ADD spouse, no
explanation is necessary. ....and to a person without ADD in the family no explanation is ENOUGH!. |
LindaP |
| 29 Dec '99 | Actually, Yesterday DH was "touched by ADD". | Dana |
| Jan '00 | ...it's almost like the old psych book, "I'm okay, you're okay," except with the ADD situation I feel like the ADDer is saying "I'm okay, you're not." and goes merrily along the way leaving a wake of pain, hurt and problems for everyone else to clean up. | Tricia |
| 23 Dec '99 | Viva La Vent!! |
~Sarah |
| 24 Feb '00 | The community here at ADD-Spouse has often helped me stitch myself back together after yet another ADDspouse encounter, and believe me, we all have sewing needles and thread in hand! |
Jeannee |
| 24 Feb '00 | [During
a discussion about ex-lovers] ....only because she was the one who got away or got him in his prime before his snow melted or some such shitola. |
Jeannee |
| 29 Feb '00 | ......so it seems only fair and just
that I support him in ways that he needs. It is just that MY needs are not all day every day, 365 days a year! *SIGH*. |
Joyce |
| 29 Feb '00 | How do you nicely ask your Spouse to quit having ADD?????? | Joyce |
| 26 Feb '00 | Grandkids are so much fun..... I should have had them first!!! |
LisaU's Mom |
| 29 Feb '00 | [During
a discussion about fidgeting:] At the end of the day, I want peace & quiet.......... And I get......"Wiggles are us". |
Joyce |
| 2 Mar '00 | My SO has champagne tastes and a kool-aid budget!! | Dana |
| 2 Mar '00 | I sometimes feel like the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train! | SusanO |
| 9 Mar '00 | Boy....I hate this road.......it's soooo full of pot holes! | Mart |
| 3 Nov '99 | A friend recently asked if it was
love or endurance and I said: "Its love AND its endurance, and, if I knew then, when I was dating him, what I know now... I'd be single & living with my Dad!! |
Jeannee |
| 3 Mar '00 | One of us has to think, and I guess I'm nominated by default.... |
Melissa |
| 6 Mar '00 | All I can see right now is the mask of ADD....... | Linda |
| 11 Mar '00 | Twenty-five years I waited for a
change... I got it.......... He got WORSE |
Sky |
| 27 Feb '00 | Is he being Asshole or ADD?? ..sometimes it's hard to tell the difference. |
Michaela |
| 26 Feb '00 | [About
getting Spouses to help themselves via treatment:] Another option is to present it this way: "Look, I think that the reason you act this way is that you have ADD, and it's treatable. The alternative is that you're just an insensitive asshole, and that's *not* treatable. So if I were you, I'd get real invested in convincing me that what you *DO* have, is ADD. |
~Sarah~ |
| 9 Mar '00 | It is a roller coaster ride but I'm trying to enjoy the wind in my hair and not look at the ground! | Susan |
| 7 Mar '00 | I thought of it as a roller coaster
then, too..... The difference is that roller coasters have tracks --- they go where they're supposed to... |
Melissa |
| 23 Mar '00 | I, for one, in the short time
I have belonged to this group- (and I mean belong....because
it is a place to go for understanding and knowledge about
the situations we are in)- have learned soooooo much from the other members here. Thanks group you help more than you know! |
Sylvie |
| 16 Mar '00 | What WE really need to ask ourselves
is: Why we settled for a less-than-extraordinary marriage? Don't we deserve a great spouse? Aren't we worthy of having someone equal or better than us? Is it a control thing? Do we feel better about ourselves being the responsible one? Do we have a fierce, subconscious need to control? Do we need to be the one that can be counted on? the one who is tolerant and understanding of others before ourselves? The one who fixes everything for everyone? |
Lynn & Chris |
| 23 Mar '00 | There comes a point where some of us
say: "No thanks. No way. I'm done. I love you BUT.... I am important too and I lost that somewhere along the way..... ...while I cared for you. |
Abby |
| 19 Mar '00 | He can argue anything, and I do mean
anything, and make it sound
plausible. Our fight a few weeks ago evolved into an argument over whether the "Law of Gravity" really was a law!! Seriously!!!!!! I told him to go jump off the Bay Bridge so he could find out for himself!!! |
Dana |
| 21 Mar '00 | ....it's like getting your act together and forgetting where you put it!! | Melissa |
| Mar '00 | [During
a discussion about why ADDers are so argumentative:] You know what it is? The the absolute, positive, god given assuredness that they are undoubtedly right in all matters. And Heaven forbid you should tell them otherwise. |
Don P |
| Mar '00 | Most of the days around here come with their ADD "sprinkles"...... but yesterday we had an ADD deluge. | LisaU |
| 4 Apr '00 | .....sometimes my brain says "enough" and refuses to do anything more than act bewildered! |
Melinda |
| 13 Apr '00 | I get to the point that I remember
just so just so much, and then the other stuff starts
leaking out of my brain and I forget. I guess my brain can only hold so much info. |
LisaU |
| 11 Apr '00 | Men are from Mars and Women are from
Venus... But My Wife Hangs Out On Pluto...a LOT!!! |
Don P |
| 16 April '00 | ..my husband doesn't remember what I said but unfortunately he does remember where he lives.. | Mary G |
| 28 Apr '00 | Life is simple ... and then you marry someone with ADHD! | Mary G |
| 30 Apr '00 | I'm just sorry we can't all
say what we need to, when we need to, because the one who needs to hear it, ......can't deal with it!! |
Melinda |
| 15 May '00 | Its beginning to sink in - our
marriage isn't permanent just because we
said so.... I mean, I want FOREVER, ...but if I lose myself - I can't promise that! One can only hear those 'three little words' so many times before they start to mean nothing, when there's no specific actions behind them! |
Ashley |
| 2 Jun '00 | ADD is an explanation, not an excuse. If you allow him to use it as an excuse for bad behavior, you're in for a life-time of hell. There is no excuse for bad behavior. |
Mary |
| 29 Jun '00 | I'll
think more on this one and reply later. IF I can remember...... I've been awfully ADD-absorbent so far today. |
Scarlet |
| 1 Jul '00 | My
ex used to tell me that if you had to WORK on a marriage what good was it!! Guess that's why he's my ex!! |
Beth |
| 4 Jul '00 | It's an unwritten rule in the world of men, farts are funny! | Jackie |
| 4 Jul '00 | Jackie
put it very well by using the analogy of the frog in the water. If my Spouse had thrown me straight into boiling water, I'd have hopped out immediately. But when someone just ever-so-slightly starts turning up the heat, you end up adjusting to the gradual change in temperature without even realizing how hot it's getting. |
Scarlet & Jackie |
| 7 Jul '00 | I will be of no use to my children if I let this marriage destroy my spirit. | Melinda |
| 7 Jul '00 | Here
I was thinking I'd found my soul mate. If I even have one, he's wandering
out in the world somewhere else!
I think my soul mate walked passed me once or twice, but I was hung up with this guy who was hyperfocussing on me.....and married him... |
Melinda & Neve |
| 29 Jun '00 | Someone once told me that women marry men thinking the man will change and become the perfect man (i.e. stop farting at the table, quit hanging out with they guys, stop eating with their elbows on the table, whatever), but men marry women thinking that the woman will never change. | Sue |
| 29 Jun '00 | Further to that thought, men marry women wishing they will never change and women marry men wishing they will change but unfortunately women change and men don't. | Chris |
| 7 Jul '00 | My Spouse would always say the right things, but his words have become empty of meaning and I realized he could say "no" to no one but me and the kids. | MelindaB |
| 6 Jul '00 | [on
'stretching' the truth] Look- saying it didn't make it so for President Clinton and it won't work for you either bud!! |
Sky |
| 20 Jul '00 | We could start an entire business....Grannies for Recalcitrant ADDers. If you had a grown-up with ADD in your life, you could hire a powerful granny who has already been through every childish ploy in the world who would babysit your ADDer until they learn to do it for themselves. | Sue |
| 21 Jul '00 | An ADD partner can eat you alive, no matter how much you love that person. | Beth |
| 21 Jul '00 | We are a casually elegant family here at ADDspouse. | Jeannee |
| 18 Jul '00 | You can't make this relationship work by yourself. ADD is still not an excuse for bad behavior. | Jackie |
| 22 Jul '00 | If you push, you're being unfair or parenting, but if you don't push, you get run over. Catch 22. I got "Stop nagging" for a long time. I stopped. Then I got "but you're not encouraging me, either" Where the HELL is the line between the 2? I can't tell 'cause some days, encouraging is the same as nagging on others. | Leah |
| 23 Jul '00 | "Normal" is a setting on my washing machine! | Holly |
| Jul '00 | [During
a discussion about ADDers saying inappropriate things] It hit the trapdoor in my brain and fell out my mouth. |
Nancys ADD SO Susan |
| 13 Aug '00 | A
couple of months ago, my Dad suggested dh and I go out for a nice Anniversary
dinner, just the two of us. I said "And who would I talk to?" Dad pauses, says "Oh, yeah. Never mind." |
Sharon M |
|
[During a discussion about "God not giving you more than you can handle"...] |
||
| 12 Aug '00 | Whoever thought this up - and 'they' the people I have heard tell me these very words - did not have an ADHD spouse or ADHD children!! | Sky |
| 14 Aug '00 | My
sweet Carrie wrote in her journal before she died that she was going straight
to God to discuss this with Him cause her mommy had had enough!!! Hhhuummmm, guess she got way-laid..... |
Mary |
| 14 Aug '00 | Over
the past 20+ years there have been times when I had waaaaaaayyyyyyy more
than I could handle! It's a wonder that I'm not a babbling idiot!! |
Sky |
| 27 Jul '00 | [on
'following through'...] If you say you'll do it tomorrow, you do it tomorrow-period. If you make a date with someone, you keep it. My DH calls this "being inflexible." |
Mary |
| 6 Sept '00 | I
am so tired of looking down in my relationship. All I want is to look across, or maybe even look up? Imagine if someone supported me or better yet, took care of ME? |
Lynn Mc |
| 6 Sept '00 | Sometimes ADDers have a disease called clueless! | Beth |
| 7 Sept '00 | He tells people all about ADD, not having a clue that he's describing himself. It's mind-boggling! | Sharon |
| 8 Sept '00 | The only thing worse than ADD is undiagnosed ADD. | Fern |
| 9 Sept '00 | We all play our own role in the drama.. and until we see that.. we are destined to make the same mistakes again. | Abby |
| 15 Sept '00 | Such convoluted cerebral circuits! | Sharon M. |
| 15 Sept '00 | I have a parrot too....except mine is 6" tall and weighs 178 pounds and I can't pull a sheet over his cage when I'm tired of listening to his chirping. | Scarlet. |
| 14 Sept '00 | Don't
you just love that "that's the way I am" crap? If the "the way he was" was an axe murderer, would you put your head down on a block for him? |
Melissa |
| 14 Sept '00 | Maybe
that's his definition of "understanding" - agreeing with him and doing whatever he wants. |
Sharon M. |
| 12 Sept '00 | If there's a laboratory making clones somewhere, do you think we could request they use better starting material? | Kathryn |
| 14 Sept '00 | Fagghedaboutit.
Next! Talk to someone else. GET SUPPORT from other people. These guys are extremely limited. It sucks. But this is reality we're living in. |
Fern |
| 20 Sept '00 | On good days, it rolls off; on those others, it just crawls under my skin and festers. | Beth |
| 26 Sept '00 | They go bye-bye in their minds and even they don't know what they're thinking at that point. | Melinda |
| 26 Sept '00 | living with an ADDer is living the present - minute by minute, or is that nanosecond by nanosecond! | Beth |
| 26 Sept '00 | In
Driven to Distraction, discussing impulsivity, Hallowell says that an ADDer
recognizes two kinds of time: "Now" and "Not now". |
Sharon M |
| 2 Oct '00 | [on
discussing feeling sorry for ones-self] "You've got a right to wallow a bit, and you'll get over it, but some people are permanently docked in Self-Pity Bay." |
Jeri |
| 3 Oct '00 | It sure feels good to realize I am somebody, not just a useless piece of SH*T. | Hania |
| 5 Oct '00 | I
think THE most important advice I could ever give anyone is to ALWAYS, ALWAYS,
*ALWAYS* listen to that inner voice. I'm starting to realize that my inner voice gets downright pissed off if I don't listen to her, and boy does she teach me a lesson for it! |
Scarlet |
| 10 Oct '00 | It took me a long time to lose myself; so it may be a while before I'm whole again. | Kim |
| 10 Oct '00 | I had a wonderful weekend. SO is treating me like a queen, ........can you say hyper-focussing? | Kim |
| 10 Oct '00 | They
say marriage is a contract. No, it's not. Contracts come with warrantees. When something goes wrong, you can take it back to the manufacturer. If your husband starts acting up, you can't take him back to his mama's house. "I don't know; he just stopped working. He's just laying around making a funny noise." |
Posted by Sky |
| 11 Oct '00 | His
"hearing" you sounds like the old "if a tree falls in
the forest and there is no one to hear it, does it make a sound?" He didn't hear it, so you didn't say it. ARRRGGGHHH!! Maybe you need to put it in writing. Of course, then if he doesn't read it, you didn't write it..... |
Beth |
| 10 Oct '00 | ADD isn't a contagious disease but it does seem to spread to everyone in the household. | Sky |
| 12 Nov '00 | [During
a discussion about fair Chore Division.] I cook, he eats. I clean, he messes up again immediately. He piles his laundry next to the bed and complains if he doesn't have a clean shirt for work. |
MalMarl |
| 3 Dec '00 | AARRGGHHH...
I wish ADDers came with instruction manuals.....
Or a recall announcement!!! :) |
Bonnie
Beth |
| 17 Dec '00 | They add to the burdens, but there is no counting on them to help deal with them. | Beth |
| 17 Dec '00 | I can tolerate a lot of crap, but blaming me for his own behavior is a major peeve. | Sharon M. |
| 24 Oct '00 | This list brings it all up, right in my face again - puts everything in perspective - reminds me of what's "normal" and what's not.... | Kathryn |
| 24 Oct '00 | I
think that is the key to this...What is 'normal, and what isnt? How do we
learn what is and what isn't. We get so used to living with whats abnormal, that we believe is IS normal. We lost our perspective. |
Abby |
|
31 May
'02 |
--In any case,
emotional reactions can be self-defeating and destructive. Knowledge is
power. Learn enough about ADD so you can get a little distance. (Not necessarily
so you can live with it and accept it. That's a different issue.) But
so you can stop interacting with him in a negative way in what appears
to be a crisis point in your lives, making it worse for both of you. So you can crawl out of the hurt and disappointment, the blame, and get control of your life again. |
Gina
|
| 31
May '02 |
I said very calmly, “I don’t know why you asked me to marry you.” He says, “I don’t either.” I said, “Well, you’d better figure it out quick or don’t let the door hit your butt going out! And you’d better figure out how to be a good husband and how to be a father to our guardian child! | Mary |
Have you been "Quoted"??
Know of some-one that SHOULD be???
Send it on in!!
Click the smilie to submit a Quote!
J
To add a quote, please mail Quote to ~Sarah~
| |
||
