Monkey Arson
They told me that the car "just overheated". And that I was being "paranoid". But I know what happened, I know it was the monkey, and I've got the evidence.
Guns Don't Kill People, Monkeys Kill People
The real reason for the background check.
P.S. This isn't technically a monkey, it's an ape, I was just trying to make a point
Fact: Monkeys hurl their own feces.