Chapter 19: Lance gets lanced . . .

     While Lou explained to the others in detail exactly what they were to do in order to become “real O-Town family” (don’t worry, you’ll find out about all that later), Lance went to the second office to receive his phone message.  After punching in his proper extension (which is 6969, in case you were wondering), Lance prepared himself to listen.  The tone was followed by the recorded voice of his girlfriend Valerie.

         *BEEP* “Lance, it’s Valerie.  Remember me?  Yeah, I’m the chick who has been your dutiful, supportive, and LOVING girlfriend for the past 8 months.  I just thought that I maybe I should call and remind you of that before I accept that new job in California I told you about last week.  However, according to this picture in the Orlando Sentinel, it doesn’t look like you will be missing me too much.” *CLICK*

     Lance’s jaw just about hit the floor.  “Where the hell is all this coming from?” he thought to himself.  He didn’t understand why his girl would call and tell him off like that.  It was all coming out of the BLUE. (Get it . . .BLUE?!)  He looked down at the desk and discovered the piles of newspapers that Lou’s minions had been digging through.  Quickly he found the Orlando Sentinel and searched around for the incriminating picture.  On page 7, he found a color picture of himself dancing with . . .not his girlfriend Valerie, but with the spunky member of Girl Thang, Val.
     Lance immediately reached for the phone and dialed Valerie to explain what had happened.  He got the machine.  “Valerie, honey, I just got your message I want to explai…” He was cut off as Valerie picked up the line.
     “You do have some explaining to do don’t you…NO, wait.  If you were having such a great time with her and you didn’t even think of calling me to let me know where you were, maybe its better that we end this before anything really serious gets started.  I’ve got a great opportunity waiting for me in California and I’ve got to keep my options open right now.  It looks like you’ve got enough on you plate with the group and the girls that you don’t need me.  I’m just weighing you down.  The spark is gone between us and I know you see it too. Keeping this thing going would be cheating both of us.  I just can’t do the long distance thing when my heart isn’t in it all the way.  I’m sorry if I’m hurting you, but I had to do it before I left.  I’m sorry.” *CLICK*
     The stunned Lance walked out of the office, down the hall and smack into Chris as he and Val were glaring at one another.
     “Hey Lance, what’s wrong?  You should be happy that you are not stuck hanging out with the very person who made you use Nick Carter’s toothbrush.  I have gone through three bottles of Listerine, four tubes of toothpaste, nine packs of Trident, and I still don’t feel clean.”
     “Valerie just dumped me.  She saw this picture of Val and me in the newspaper . . . and was kinda mad.  Fact of the matter is that she had this great job offer, and wanted to take advantage of the opportunity.  She made it clear though that a long distance relationship wasn’t worth it to her.  I realize that things were fizzling out, but she is moving to California in two weeks.  I just . . .well, I’m sorry I can’t really talk now.  I need to call Kathy,” stuttered Lance as he tried not to cry.
     Val and Chris were in such shock that they really couldn’t think of anything to say, except the ever helpful:
     “Dude, that blows!” exclaimed Chris.
     “Who’s Kathy?” Val asked in confusion.
     Chris elbowed Val and she yelped in pain.
     “Chris, could you please explain to the guys why I might not be around for a bit today?”
     “Sure man.  Anything.”
     “Thanks,” said Lance as he hurried down the hall.

  Chapter 20:  Val loves a Monkey’s Uncle

     “Well well Val.  It seems that your little scheme had backfired.  I hope that you are happy with what you’ve done!” said Chris as he turned on Val.
     “What are you talking about?  You four are the only reason we were blue and drew so much attention.  I’d say that you guys broke up Lance and Valerie.  I had very little to do with any of it.”
     “What do you mean that I broke up Lance and Valerie?  You were the one dancing all up on Lance if I remember correctly.  I don’t think you would have been like that if it had been, say, Joey or me.  You caused the problems and you know it.”
     “Christopher Alan Kirkpatrick, you take that back right now or you’ll be sorry.  I’ll tell you what I really think of you.” This was an empty threat because as we all know, there is no way that our precious Val could face Chris and admit her love.
     “Why take back the truth? Besides, I’d love to know what you think of me.”
     The stricken Val, realizing her mistake, trembled while looking deep into the pools of Chris’s eyes (oh how she loves those eyes!).  She resolved to say the absolute
first thing that came to mind.  “ I think… I think…ummm, YOU SMELL!”
     Chris, taking this as a joke, lifted his arm and took a big whiff.  “Like flowers!”
     “Actually I was thinking you smell like a… like a boy!”  Val wasn’t going to let on that the smell of boy is not at all unpleasant.
     “I bet you like it.”  With that comment, Chris moved quickly and before she knew what was happening, Val was in a firm headlock, totally engulfed in Chris’s boy-smell.
     Val was having trouble functioning under these conditions, but managed to stay conscious by some miracle.  All she could think was ‘man, don’t I wish I could bottle this…’ Luckily, “Get off of me you freak!  Where’s Lance when a girl needs him?” is what came out of her mouth.
     “I’m sorry, I can’t hear you.  What did you say?  I smell, but do I smell…good?  I think what you mean is that I smell good, right Val?” Chris was rather enjoying this.
     “Okay, okay, okay…UNCLE!  You smell good.  You smell good!” Val gave in to Chris’s command, not that he had to twist her arm at all…she would have agreed to suck his toes if he’d asked…
     As soon as Chris relinquished his hold on the nearly comatose girl, she realized that she had to come up with a decent comeback, no boy was going to put her in a headlock and get away unscathed.  The truth was that his comment about her being responsible for the break-up really did hurt her feelings.  “You smell good for a egotistical, insensitive, Lou Perlman ass kissing MONKEY that is.”  She then kicked him in the shin and reminded him that this had started because he had been the one to break up Lance and Valerie.  “If you hadn’t made me terrified, I might have been dancing with you and Lancy-poo wouldn’t have had to dance with me.”
     “I can’t believe Lou stuck the two of us together.  Does he want me to kill myself?   You could drive a man to drink, has anyone ever told you that you little minx?  I wish I were with one of the others.  At least they don’t drive me crazy like you do.  Do you think there is anything we could do together and both come out of it alive?”
     “Nope.” Val smiled sweetly and walked towards the arcade at the end of the hall.

Chapter 21:  Joey and Carlee sitting in a tree…

     Joey rang the doorbell to the girls’ house.  He was kind of nervous about his date with Carlee.  She had agreed to do whatever he planned for the evening.  He had gone to Lance to find out what nice girls like to do on dates.  He hadn’t taken a girl out in a long time, just picked up random groupies along the way.  He adjusted his clothes while waiting for someone to open the door.  He knew that the other three guys were taking the rest of the girls out tonight as well, but he was the first to get there, everyone else was still getting ready at home with the exception of Lance who was on the phone with Kathy (we’ll get to that later, I promise).  Carlee finally answered the door wearing, as requested, what she considered to be Joey’s definition of cool and casual.  This consisted of a pair of khaki shorts, a triangle bikini top (to show off her bodacious ta-tas) and a sleeveless button up shirt, left open.
     “Wow…” Joey found himself speechless.  This was the girl of his dreams.  She could be the one to calm the outrageous whore living within the 23 year old’s body.  “I changed my mind on what we’re doing tonight.  I couldn’t find a movie that looked good, have you been to the Disney Animal Kingdom yet?”
     “Joey, we’re not going to go watch the monkeys do it.  I won’t allow that.” Carlee took his statement about the Animal Kingdom the wrong way.
     “We’re going to a restaurant Lance recommended a while ago.  It’s supposed to be really cute.  I thought after that we could go on some of the attractions, if that’s okay with you.”  Joey was mesmerized by the princess standing in front of him.
     “If Lance recommended it, I’m sure its great.  You seem to have it all worked out.  Let’s jam.”  Carlee had picked up on the fact that Joey was being genuinely nice and was looking at her like the goddess she knew she was.  She reached out for his hand and gasped at the near shock she felt at contact, the only reason she hadn’t dropped it was his immediate reaction of lacing their fingers together.
     When they got to the park, Carlee realized that she was being taken to the Rainforest Café.  “Joey, how did you know that I’d love a place like this?  It’s perfect.  It’ll be like eating under the trees!”  The couple was lead to a private table deep under the canopy.
    Joey was a gentleman during the whole meal.  When they were finished, he pulled a stuffed frog from behind his back, “Thank you for coming out with me, Carlee.  I don’t think I told you earlier, but you look beautiful tonight.  I wanted you to have this little guy to remind you of the fun we had.”
    “You are so sweet!”  Carlee took the stuffed animal and kissed it on the nose, “Damn. I thought maybe I could get another prince out of this deal.”  With that, Carlee leaned over and gave Joey a quick peck on the cheek.  “Oh look, you blush!  I didn’t think you would…”
    “It’s just a little hot in here, that’s all.  Lets go see if we can’t ride some rides.” Joey quickly changed the subject.
    “Good, I want to go on the raft ride first!” Carlee was ready to have some fun.
    “Hon, are you sure that’s a great idea… I mean you get really wet.  We could do that last…”
    “You’re just scared.  I dare you to ride the raft.  A little water never hurt anyone.”  Carlee challenged Joey.
    “I just don’t want you to get your clothes all wet, that’s all.” Joey was still serious in his warning and explanation.
    “Oh, so now you’re concerned for my clothes, I see it’s ‘cause I’m a girl and girls don’t like to mess up their clothes, is that it?  You better get your butt on line for that raft ride, if you want to spend any more time with me tonight.”
    “You’re the boss… let’s go.” Joey paid for their meal and they made their way into the park to find the ride.
Twenty minutes later, Joey was ready to get going for ‘Count Down to Extinction’ while Carlee on the other hand was wishing she had taken Joey’s advice on waiting for the raft ride.
    “Joey, I’m soaked!  I can’t do anything else.” Carlee whined.  “Can we do this another day when I’m a little better dressed for it?”
    “I thought a little water never hurt anybody…” Joey teased.
    “But my panties are wet!” Carlee knew the thought of her wet panties would either make Joey extremely hot, or completely embarassed, either way, she got to go home, and change her clothes.
Joey turned the brightest shade of red Carlee had seen on a human face in quite some time.  He mumbled something that sounded like it might have been a comment about wanting to be those panties, but Carlee wasn't sure, instead he pulled her back into the line for the raft ride.  “Your panties might be wet but mine are still dry enough to ride this again, and I warned you!  One more ride and we’ll go, okay cutie?”
    “You’re wearing panties?  For that we can ride once more…” Carlee laughed aloud.
    “You know perfectly well what I meant missy!” said Joey as he picked her up and threatened to throw her into the nearest fountain.  Carlee just struggled and squealed.  After a few moments of watching her sweat, Joey put her down and pulled her close to him.  They stayed in each other’s arms for a few moments before Joey took her hand.
    “Come on, I’ll take you home so you can dry off.  Maybe on the way back, you can tell me how you managed to get that much Jell-O into our pool.”
    “Joey, I really am sorry about that,” Carlee started.
    “Don’t say another word about that.  We’re having a fresh start, remember.  Besides, the boys and I deserved what we got for being such babies about having newbies on our turf.  The truth was, I realized how wrong we were that night at the club.  I could tell that you were something special from that very moment.”
    “Yeah, vast amounts of liquor can induce ephemeral moments of divine clarity…”
    “Ouch…way to kill a moment…come on, lets get you out of here.  I warned you that this ride was like a tsunami.”  Joey planted a friendly kiss on Carlee’s forehead and took her home.
 
  Chapter 22:  So, when were you girls planning on telling us who the hell Kathy is?

     While our girls were on their outings with the enemy, Lance knew he would have the *N Sync mansion all to himself.  Still reeling from his being dumped like yesterday’s left over Tofu Potpie, he decided to call his best friend Kathy.  He thought he had pulled himself together enough to have a conversation without bringing up the real reason for his call.  Lance hated dumping all his problems on Kathy, but he knew that he wouldn’t feel better until she convinced him that it wasn’t the end of the world.  Kathy had always been there when he needed a shoulder to cry on, and he needed that shoulder right now.
     “Hey Kathy…”
     “Oh my god!  Lance!  How are you?!?”
     “I was thinking, you should come visit.  Can I send a car, or a ticket?  Maybe I should just come visit you…”
     “Wait, slow down sweetie.  What’s the matter, hon?  You sound miserable.  Do you need me to come visit?”
      “Um…no?”
    “Okay.   Let me just finish this load of laundry and I’ll be there in about say, 6 hours or less?”
     “Good.  I sent a limo for you about 5 ½ hours ago.”
       “Lance baby, I realize that you need my help, but there’s no way that I am being driven down there…even if it is a limo!  One of the reasons that I have remained friends with you for so long is so that I can fly first class anywhere!  You’re not getting cheap on me are ya?”
     “No, but…well…um, I was kinda thinking you could maybe, um…packforalongstay.”
     “Lance, I hope there’s a U-Haul on that limo…”
     “The limo is the only car I could get…its for your stuff.  You’re booked on a private jet.  Its waiting for you whenever you’re ready to leave.”
     “Lance, you’re too much.  Are you sure everything is okay?”
     “I just need to see you, that’s all.”
     “All right baby.  I’ll see you in a few hours, okay?  I’ve got to go pack…”
     “Bye.  Thanks Kathy.”  Lance hung up the phone and went to get Kathy’s room ready.  Sadly, when Lance got upstairs, he realized that there was a small problem.  Their guestroom had recently become more of an entertainment room.  In other words, the guys were using this room to keep their “toys.”  There was no way that Kathy would be comfortable sleeping between Chris’ turn tables and Joey’s collection of Superman Pez Dispensers.  Also realizing that Kathy might be more comfortable living with a group of girls, Lance figured that maybe Girl Thang would be willing to give up their extra bedroom.  Walking over to his own room, Lance picked up the phone.
    “Hello?” the voice on the other end said.
    “Hey it’s Lance.”
    “Hey Lance, it’s Val. How are you doing?” Val asked.
    “I’m feeling a lot better now, thanks.  Um, I was wondering if I could ask you ladies a huge favor.”
    “Sure, just shoot . . .”
    “Well, my friend is coming up for a long visit and we really don’t have space for her here.  I was thinking that maybe she could camp out in your extra bedroom?”
    “You’re telling me that there is no room for her in that mansion of your’s?”
    “I was thinking that she would be a lot more comfortable with other women.  Last time she stayed over here she spent most of her time trying to clean up all the dirty boxer briefs we have hanging around the place.  I just don’t want her to think that she is coming over here to take care of us,” Lance explained.
    “I’m sure that it will be fine.  I’d ask the other girls now, but they are all out on their pseudo dates.”
    “What about you, Val?  Don’t tell me that Chris stood you up,” exclaimed Lance.
    “I almost wish that he did,” Val complained.  “I’m stuck going out with him and Eva tomorrow.  I have this feeling that I will be having a miserable time.  It seems that he is really out to get me.”
    “Is this about his blaming you for Valerie dumping me?”
    “Yeah, I guess it is.  How did you know about that?”
    “Chris told me about your little confrontation in the hall earlier.  He left here a while ago complaining about how women named Valerie are nothing but trouble,” Lance laughed to try to lighten the mood.
    “We are trouble Lance,” by the tone in Val’s voice it was quite clear that she was still rather hurt by the whole mess.
    “You really like him don’t you?”
    This comment took Val by surprise.  She didn’t like Chris.  He was rude, mean, and had a scary over-bearing girlfriend.  Perhaps changing the subject would be a good idea right now.  “So, um . . .don’t forget to tell us when Kathy gets here so we can be sure to give her a nice warm welcome glad we could help you out I’ll talk to ya later k thanks bye . . .”she rushed out in one long sentence.  And with that, Lance heard a quick click on the other side of the phone.

Chapter 23: Terri gets her’s . . .FINALLY!

Warning: this is a chapter about two consenting adults.  Let the games begin.

     JC was the second lucky bachelor to pick up his lady for an evening of bondage um I mean, bonding.  As he reached the doorbell, he swallowed hard and braced himself.  He knew that if Terri was dressed anything like she was the night of the club fiasco, he would have great difficulty keeping up his usual cool exterior.  Our golden boy crossed himself, said a little prayer, and pushed the doorbell.  Next thing he knew, he was face to face with our glamour gal Terri.
     ** Since two girls are writing this story we figured that our readers would not really mind if we went into great detail about how well Terri was dressed.  What can be more fun than thinking up the cutest outfit in your mind and just be able to automatically imagine perfect matching strappy shoes and a bag.  Not to mention perfect accessories . . .  Then we looked down to realize that this story is already 31 pages long.  There goes that idea.  For the sake of visuals though, let’s just say that Terri was in a killer black dress and JC had certainly lost his cool.**
    “Um,” started JC as he tried his best to pry his foot out of his mouth.
    Terri just smiled and waited . . .
    “Um . . .”
    And waited . . .and waited.  Terri decided that she might have to initiate conversation between the two of them.
    “You look great tonight JC, are we ready?”
    “Um…yeah.”
    “Let’s get going.  So, are you going to tell me where we’re going or do I have to wait and see?”
    “Well, I guess that depends on whether or not you like surprises.”
    “Oh, I love suprises!”
    “Good.”  Without thinking, JC pushed Terri back into the entryway.  The two came together in an animalistic embrace, they sank to the floor dismissing the fact that the two of them weren’t alone in the house.  Terri’s purse went flying by Val’s head as she walked by with a bowl of popcorn.
    ‘I saw this coming’ Val thought to herself.  “I just wanted to remind you two that you’ll need to be out of the hall when Justin comes to pick up Kelly.  Perhaps you could possibly calm it down and keep your clothes on at least as far as say…your ROOM Terri.  I’ll be in the living room, where I can hear everything you do in the hallway and I happened to find a box of Howie’s Roundhouse episodes in the closet, and I don’t wish to be disturbed by your hanky-panky.”
    “I’m sorry, Val.  Can we please have a little privacy here?” Terri gave Val a look of disdain.
    “Nope, not here.  I wish Joey wasn’t out with Carlee, I could get him to pay for this show.”
    Terri managed to pry herself from JC long enough to stand before he grabbed her around the waist.  “My room is upstairs, the third door on the right, bet you can’t catch me!”  She took off for her room yelling over her shoulder for Val not to let anyone out on the second floor patio tonight.  JC was close on her heals.
    “Gross, gross, gross, gross, gross, gross, gross, gross, gross, gross, ewww.  Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck.  Don’t want to think about it.  Comfort me Ivan, comfort me.” Val curled into a ball on the couch hitting play allowing herself to become absorbed in the beauty that was Roundhouse.
    Back on the patio, we find Terri and JC in the hot tub, passionately kissing.  JC had stripped down to his boxers and Terri had managed to keep JC at bay just long enough to change into her string bikini.  As JC went for her top, she…
    **T’s talks**  Whoa, down boy…this is a PG 13 story.  I don’t know where you thought we were going, but all clothes stay on the naughty parts.**
    “Don’t I get any romance in this chapter?”  Terri breaks character and turns to SailorVal and Tamolie.
     **Ummm…how’s this?  REWIND!**
    Back on the patio, we find Terri and JC in the hot tub,  “I really respect you Terri and I don’t want to rush into anything we might regret later.  I want to keep this slow for a while.”  He leaned in and the two exchanged the most amazing kiss either had ever experienced.
    “I don’t think I’d regret it, ever.  But I guess that we can wait (*two second pause*)…Was that long enough for you?”
    “Terri I’m serious.  I don’t want to ruin this, besides, do you really want to be the kind of girl that does something so committal on the first date?”
    “Ummm, If I get to keep you, that would be a yes.”
    “In that case…”
    “It’s time for a swim in the pool, don’t you think?” suggested Terri as she climbed down the patio stairs on her way to the romantic mosaic pool.
    JC and Terri spent the rest of the night swimming and talking, getting to know each other better, and growing closer by the minute.
    Val, being the good friend she is, announced herself loudly with the blow horn she had been ridiculed for buying, before coming out the backdoor carrying a tray filled with some of the extra pasta she had made and a few votive candles.  “I thought you might need to refuel.  Look, how nice of you to remain clothed in our pool.  There is Coke in the mini fridge too. Enjoy.”
    She turned and left the two lovebirds to their feast.