Chapter 1: an Indecent Proposal

    Deep in the dark recesses underneath O-Town, “big poppa” Lou Pearlman sat at this solid gold desk and counted his money.  Suddenly the phone rang.
     “Lou Perlman, God of Boyband Kind Speaking,” he said as he picked up the phone.
     “Why hello Lou,” said a menacing voice.
     “Jacee, well. . isn’t it nice to hear from you. . .” responded Lou, who’s tone of voice had suddenly darkened.
     “Cut the crap Lou, I know damn well that you hate me.  I don’t particularly like you either, but since we are in the same business . . .we are going to have to learn to deal with each other.  I just called to confirm the LFO taping for the upcoming Teenapalooza concert.  They are going to be there, right?”
     “Oh you mean yet another one of my hybrid boy bands?  Yes they will be there.  You can count on that,” Lou bragged.
     “Lucky us,” replied Jacee rather sarcastically.  Suddenly,  and without notice . . .a brilliant scheme popped into Jacee’s head.  She suddenly began to set up an elaborate plan.
     “Well I guess that LFO is just a stepping stone really . . .I mean some day I hope to be rich enough to take over the world and . .  .”Lou had continued all though Jacee’s careful planning.  It was time to spring her plan into action.
     “WOW Lou,” Jacee suddenly interrupted, “you really are the king of BOY bands.  It’s funny though.  None of your girl pop groups have really quite reached the same sort of status as BSB and *N Sync.  It’s too bad that your skills only apply to young men . . .”
      “What exactly are you implying here, Jacee???” demanded an angry (and quite worried, mind you) Lou Pearlman.
     “Well it seems that you have a pretty good handle on telling boys what to do, but it seems like the opposite sex may be too much for you.  I understand though, we ladies can get pretty catty sometimes.”
     “If I wanted to I…I could do it…I know I could…”  Lou was sounding less confident by the second.
     “Uh-huh, sure Lou.”
     In a much more confident tone of voice, “Not only could I create an extremely popular girl group if I wanted to,  but they… they wouldn’t even have to be talented!  Yeah, that’s it.  I’m that good, hear me?  THAT GOOD!  I can make anybody a star.”
     Jacee had gotten him right where she wanted him.  “Are you willing to back up that statement?”
     “What do you mean?” Lou asked
     “I have a proposition for you.  I want you to prove to me just how good you really are.  You’re going to create the least talented, yet most popular girl group ever!”
     “But I thought the Spice Girls were already holding that title…”
     “That just adds to the challenge then, doesn’t it, ‘Big Poppa’ that’s what they call you, right Lou?  Are you willing?  If I win, Jive gets *N Sync, name, label, titles, all of it.  If I lose, you get the Backstreet Boys  AND Britney.  Come on Lou that’s two to one.  Even you’re not that stupid.  Take the risk.”
     “Where will I get the girls?”
     “That’s the one catch…I get to choose the girls.”
     “It’s a deal.”
     “Good choice Lou.  Meet me in front of the Virgin Mega Store in one hour.  We’ll choose the girls and sign the contract.  I want this to be on paper.  You’re not getting out of this now.”
 

Chapter 2: the beginning of the end

     In front of the Virgin Mega Store, Carlee, Kelly, Val, and Terri were unaware of the fact that they were be being watched by both Lou and Jacee.
     “O-ma-gawd its teen idol month! Aieeeeeeeeeeeee!” Val squealed as she looked in the windows of the Downtown Disney Mega Store. “A mecca within a mecca!  I’m in heaven!”

 ****Tamolie’s artistic interludes: (T talks) yes readers this really happened.  Val and I were there this May with our FAB friend Courtney, we’ll hear more from her later.  It was a wonderful, wonderful day.  Disney Quest and New Kids videos.  A slice of heaven.  Thinking about it still makes my heart skip a beat, but I digress.  Back to the story kiddies!*****

     Kelly started for the door and stopped short in horror, causing the rest of the girls to walk into her… “Ladies, RETREAT!  They’re playing that LFO video.  Of this I will take no part.  You can go in, but where you go I will not follow, understand.”
     Terri understood.  “So sayeth the Shepherd…”
     “So sayeth the Flock!” shouted the rest of the girls, drawing a large number of stares.  People were starting to wonder if they weren’t another comedy side show to keep Disney visitors entertained. Nobody acts like that in real life (except maybe the King House Ladies).
     They broke into song, convincing those who were still wondering that they were NOT a Disney group.  Disney has TALENTED staff.  “We think LFO is a buncha HICKS!  ‘Cause this song makes us SICK! They think they’re fly, their career it should die.  After Summer, After Summer.”
     At this point Jacee turned to Lou and smiled.  “I think we have a winning combo.  Now it’s up to you.  You’ve got to get them to sign with you.”

*****(T talks) We’re not sure about the opinions of the other three girls, but Val and I have a problem with our Friends the ‘Lyte Funky Ones’…and now that we’ve tried to put a hex on LFO, they’ll probably never die…*****

     Lou walked up to the aforementioned group of girls.  “Ladies, ladies, ladies…let me introduce myself.  I’m Lou Pearlman, I run TransCon, you know, *N Sync, LFO, and hopefully you.  I’m working on a new project.  The pop world needs a new Girl Group, and I think you’re it.” Lou was sweating and had bad breath.
     “Guys…that nasty old man is talking to US.  What are we gonna do?  He’s got to be kidding…  wait, did he say *N Sync?  I think he did, o-ma-gawd!” Carlee’s head snapped around to look at Lou once more.  “Hi, my name is Carlee.  Did you say *N Sync?”
     “Yes.  I did.  I also said that I want to take you all into the TransCon family.” Lou was starting to think that this could be more difficult than he had first thought.  And what if boy band obedience school wouldn’t work on a group of four girls.
     Jacee walked into the bewildered group of girls.  “Hello everyone.  My name is Jacee.  Lou is honest about his interest in you as a girl group.  We just heard you sing, and both of us think that you have great potential.  If you’d be interested in this opportunity, we’ll just need you to come back to O-town with us to sign a few papers.  We’ll give you a few days to think it over and get in touch.  Here are our cards.  It was great to meet you.  Call in the next three days and we’ll get started as soon as we can.”
     Val was in a daze, “O-town, *N Sync, Chris, ME?!?! Sing? Sync? Getting dark.  Must sit down.  Help, help.”
     “She’ll be fine.  I promise.” Kelly was still together enough to answer for Val’s actions. “About those contracts, when will they be ready?”
 

Chapter 3: we’re not in Kansas anymore (a tribute to Courtney)

     Back at the studio Lou was getting worried.  What if the girls didn’t show up for the meeting he and Jacee had scheduled for them.  He would loose the bet before he ever had a chance to work with them… and from what he could tell from what he had seen earlier, there was enough work to do with their singing voices as well.  Just as he was beginning to spiral into a deep and sorrowful depression, he heard a voice that was both soothing and a painful reminder of his bet.
     “JC, what do you want?”
     “Lou I just wanted to consult with you on an issue my therapist brought up today in our conversation…”
     “JC, you need to realize that calling your psychic friend, Sarah does NOT constitute a meeting with a therapist.  Now, what is the problem?”
     “She said there was a big change coming in my career bubble that was beyond my control, something I have no ability to stop.  Is it true?”
     “We’re here, WHERE ARE *N SYNC?” Terri could be heard from outside Lou’s office.
     Lou turned to JC; “I’m having a new group sign today.  Would you like to meet them?  It sounds like they wouldn’t mind meeting you…” as Lou finished, one of his stooges entered.
     “Hail Big Poppa, king of the pop empire, keeper of all that is true and good with the music of today’s youth.  I bring to you a collection of vocal talents, discovered by you.  They wish for you to grace them with your presence.  Do you grant them this privilege?”  The stooge rose from his knee to receive his master’s response.
     Lou jumps behind his big curtain like contraption  (you know, like from the Wizard of OZ).  “I, Lou Pearlman, keeper of all that is good about pop do grant them the honor.  Bring them to me.”
 

Chapter 4: total teeny bopper melt down

     Back in O-Town proper where the girls were waiting for their audience with Lou, Val sat convulsing.  She kept looking at the close-ups of Lou and cringing.
     “I’m really starting to worry about Val, she just hasn’t been right since we met Lou yesterday.  Is she supposed to be drooling like that?” Carlee was starting to wonder if Val would make it through the signing.  Just then she saw a wall moving slightly and a shadowy figure dart behind it.
     Val jumped and Carlee realized that Val had been watching the figure quite contentedly.  “Guys, I swear that was JC.  I know it was him.  Nobody else moves that smoothly.  That’s probably why we’re still waiting here.  Lou was talking about us… why else would JC have taken off at a run?” Val began to talk at a rapid pace.  “What if he’s already talked to all of *N Sync and they don’t like us?  What if he told Chris I was freaky…no that might be a good thing.  What if he said I was (*gasp*) normal?  I’m the crazy one, remember.  ME I’M CRAZY I TELL YOU!  CRAZY!!!!!”
     “Hon, I promise you, there is no chance that you’ll be mistaken as anything but crazy.” Terri was starting to wonder what Lou saw in them. She knew that she could sing, but there is no way that he knew that from yesterday.   I mean she’d taken voice lessons damit.  Something was rubbing her the wrong way about all of this.  There was some ulterior motive behind this interview, and she was determined to find it.
     “Do you all really think that we’re going to meet *N Sync?  I mean why would they come to hear us?” Kelly was voicing Terri’s concerns (they know each other that well).
Before anyone had a chance to respond to Kelly, the door burst open revealing the skanky looking guard that had gone into Lou’s office to announce their arrival.  Without speaking the guard beckoned to the girls to follow.  They all exchanged a somewhat worried look and got up and went into the cavernous office.
     There was no sign of Lou anywhere.  Suddenly there was a burst of flames.  “Who dares request an audience with the Big Poppa?” a voice boomed throughout the room.
     “Cut the crap Lou.  We’ve all seen the Wizard of Oz more than once.  Besides YOU asked us to come here, remember.  We met you yesterday.  We know what you look like.  Not to mention the fact that we don’t have a dog to open the curtain for us.”  Carlee turned the sarcasm on full force.
     Just then Busta ran in from outside the office and went to the curtain and dragged it open.  “Oh what a smart puppy.” Val went up and picked up the dog while laughing at Lou who had tried to squeeze himself into a small corner of the curtained wall.  “Wait, I know this dog.  Guys I’m holding Busta.  Where Busta is, Chris is close behind.”
     Each of the girls reached into their bags and pulled out their ‘Emergency *N Sync Meeting Kit.’  Each one strapped on her helmet and inserted her earplugs.  Kelly also grabbed the ‘emergency’ air mattress and slid it behind Val.  “Okay ladies, this is what we’ve been training for.  Remember this is NOT a drill.  Five, four, three, two, one, teeny bopper melt down!”
     Chris entered the room and looked at Lou with a puzzled look on his face.  “Has anyone seen my Dog?”
     “Chris, I Totally Love YOU!” Val shrieked and promptly went into full fledged teeny-bopper melt down, arms flailing, completely forgetting about the dog she had been holding only moments before.  All three of her friends launched into action.  Kelly dove for Busta, skillfully catching him and rolling to safety.  Terri and Carlee ran to Val’s side, one with an Orangina the other armed with an emergency bag of apple chips to revive the girl who had fallen, just as planned onto the air mattress placed just to her left (to correct for the crumble/twist/and fall effect).
 

Chapter 5: The Aftermath?

     “I don’t want it.  No, I don’t want it.  This is soooo embarrassing.”  Val had come to and was still not quite aware of her surroundings and why she was looking up as all her friends from an air mattress.
     “Hon, you’ve got to get up, we’re about to start the meeting.  Oh, by the way…the kits worked well.”
     “YOU USED THE KITS!?!?!  That means that …NO!!!  I made them at home so you’d never have to use them.  You know, that whole if you’ve got it with you you won’t need it thing.  I didn’t make a fool of myself and say something about my tank top matching my panties, did I?”  Val was still slightly delusional.
     “Not until now…” chuckled a male voice from above Val.  “I didn’t think that would ever happen for me…Justin and JC, but not me. I think I like it.”  Chris was reaching out to help Val up from the floor.
     “DON’T TOUCH HER!!!” came the cry from the door.  A petite auburn haired beauty in a green tank top and baggy cargos was standing glaring at Chris.  “Don’t give me that damn dog story again.  And don’t even think about telling me that she had a melt down.  We all know that that only happens with JC and Justin.”
     “Eva, I swear she’s my first.  I’ve never done it before.  I promise I’d never lie about a thing like that.  Especially not to the woman I’m ‘special friends’ with, ‘Cause I’m single and ready to mingle.  Right Lou?”  Chris was groveling at this point.
     “Man… that boy is WHIPPED!” Carlee turned to Terri.
     “Yeah, but who’s cracking that whip, Lou or Eva…” The two girls snickered.
     Val’s breaths were coming in short gasps.  She sounded like her heart had just broken.  She had seen the second man of her dreams at his lowest point.
     “Chris, get out of here.  You’re causing problems.  These girls are here to sign contracts, not drool on your feet.”  Lou had decided to take control of the situation unfolding before him.
     “Yes, sir.  Right away sir.  I’ll never do it again sir.”  Chris stood at attention as if he had just been addressed by his commanding officer from boot camp.
     Both Terri and Carlee looked at Chris and as one made the sound of a whip cracking and immediately fell into a fit of girlish giggles.
     “CHRIS, NOW!  Or I’ll see to it that your hair is died to match Joey’s.”
     Chris took his time looking Val up and down, completely checking her out before he turned and said, “Hopefully I’ll be seeing a lot more of you ladies later.”
     With that comment, three of the girls turned pink and covered their breasts with their arms. Val on the other had adjusted her wonder bra and made a mental note to buy herself another.
     “Now ladies, about these contracts,” Lou was holding out a manila folder with the TransCon logo on its cover.  “if you’d all just take a minute to read these over and sign them we can get on with the training process.”
     “Training, but I’ve had voice lessons…” Terri began to complain to Lou.
     “Is there a clause in here about me having exclusive rights to Justin’s body and soul?” Kelly was ready to sign as soon as she got a yes to that question and not a moment sooner.
     “I’m sorry but that really isn’t possible.” Lou was taken aback at the negotiation skills of these four women.  Now he knew why he hadn’t dealt with females before.
     “We’ll see about that Lou.  I’m having my lawyer look these over and we’ll see what additions we want added and what has to go.  Then we’ll talk about signing.”  Kelly grabbed the folder from Lou’s fat hand and turned to the door.  “Come ladies.  We’ve got some reading and work to do.  We’ll see you in three days Mister Pearlman.  SO SAYETH THE SHEPARD?”
 “SO SAYETH THE FLOCK!” came the expected reply.
 

Chapter 6: “Friendly Competition”

     Eva pulled Chris into her cubicle (Yes it’s true, she’s Lou’s ‘personal secretary’) and tried to kiss him passionately.  He however had another idea and began to tickle her, something he knew she hated.  He wanted to have a serious conversation.

****T’s Talks**** yes I know that I just used the concept of Chris and seriousness in the same sentence, but hey, this is a work of fiction and I can do what I want.  ****

      “Shhh, Hon, they’re still here… and Lou still doesn’t know that I’m balling his secretary… plus I want to know what happened back there.  Some chick passed out at my feet and I tried to help her up.  Next thing I know you’re reaming me out for lying.  I swear I wasn’t going to do anything but check her out, you know to preserve the image that I’m single and ready to mingle.  And I promise that Busta started the whole thing.  I wouldn’t lie to you about something as humiliating as my dog picking up chicks faster than me.  I promise we’ll have some time alone later, but now we’ve got to meet with the guys about this female competition and how to break them.  If Lou’s signing them so fast and letting their lawyers read over their contracts and make changes, they must really be up and coming on the pop meat market.”  Chris had finally calmed Eva into submission, all the while thinking of the cute little brunette who had fallen at his feet not ten minutes earlier.

Ten minutes later, Chris had ditched Eva and met up with the rest of the guys in the “Executive Locker Room”

****T’s Talks**** read that last statement as fully functional health spa complete with basketball courts and video games, and a nail salon.  We all know that the guys have to have their manicures done somewhere indiscreet, where better than their own personal spa?  Back to the point…****

     “I’ve seen them, all of them!  He’s bringing in the Fems!  They’re cute and make really good whip cracking noises.”
 “Chris, what are you doing here interrupting my hair and nail session?  Yes, Lou is singing us a sister group . . .please, now that BSB is at Jive, we ALL know who rules supreme around here,” said JC calmly.
     “You mean LFO????” cried Joey in a terrified voice.
     “Joey, its okay not to act quite that stupid, there are no fans to try and impress around here.  Oh, that’s right, I’d forgotten, it’s not an act.  Why don’t you run along and play with your blow-up friend, that is if you haven’t popped her yet…” Chris was less than impressed by Joey’s glowing intellect.  “Has anyone seen Lance?  I need to ask him what the implications of female competition could do to us.”
     “I think he and Valerie took off to his dressing room, if you know what I mean.  Shouldn’t you be in your dressing room shagging the secretary, speaking of taking dictation…” Justin had just emerged  from the sauna and was ready for his massage.

****T’s Talks****  This is just a note for all of you that we confused with that last female name dropped into the Mix.  Yes, there are two Valerie’s in this story.  From now on when you see the name Val, we’re talking the one in the group.  When you see Valerie, that’s Lance’s girlfriend.  She is in no way connected to Val.  As I said earlier, I can do what I want with this story, so don’t mess with the narrator.****

     “What up yo?” asked Justin as he began to admire himself in a nearby mirror.
     “Justin, will you stop staring at your six pack!,” whined Chris.  He is VERY sensitive about his lack of abdominal muscles and Justin was really starting to get to him.  “Lou is going to replace us with a bunch of chicks!”