Chapter 11: Meanwhile in the boy’s car. . .

    “Do you think she liked me?” Chris asked as JC dug through his braids, looking for his favorite pipe (which he named Buzz).
    “Of course,” answered JC.
    “I just keep thinking . . .”
    “Of what you could do with a fine piece of peach smashing girl like that?”
    “WHAT? NO!!!” screamed Chris.  “What is wrong with you . . .besides the drugs I mean?”
    “Yous two betta be stoping da fighting or Is gonna turn this mo’fo car around and nobodys be getting any blue slurpies!” yelled an angry Justin as he turned in his seat to yell at his bandmates.
    “Justin, um . . .shouldn’t you be watching the road?” asked a frightened Lance.
    “AHHHHHH!!!!!!!  LOOK OUT!” Joey screamed as he pointed forward.  Sadly, it was too late.
    CRUNCH
    “What the….?” Screamed Karen as she and Val where jolted by the force of the Justin’s Mercedes.
    Karen and Val jumped out of the Jeep as the boys climbed out of Justin’s mangled wreck of a car.
    “It’s you….” sighed both Chris and Val at the same time.
    “MY BABY!!!!!!!” Screamed Karen “My perfect, lovely, incomparable baby. She was soooo perfect, so perfect!”
    “Oh you broke it…soooo sad.” Said JC as he walked over to Karen.
    “I broke it?  What the funk?  Your curly blonde freak of a friend broke it, you crack fiend!” Karen was really upset.
    “Can I sue for him?” Val pointed to Chris.  Both were smiling broadly.  “I promise to give him a good home!”
    “Look scary Italian girl, you can’t have him.  We have to go on tour in two days,” Joey tried to explain.
    “Oh no.  You are not leaving this spot until I know that you are going to have my baby fixed!” Karen ran over to her Jeep and began to stroke it affectionately.  “Hold on . . .Mama’s here for you.  Don’t leave me yet, I NEED you . . .”
    “Justin . . .” said a rather shocked Lance.  “Shouldn’t you be giving her your license and registration?”  Why hadn’t Justin said anything yet?  Shouldn’t he know what to do?  Is it possible that Lance’s idol was not living up to his expectations as a leader?  I mean, he just rear ended our heroine’s car!
    “Whys I gots to do dat yo?”
    “Are you trying to say that you don’t have insurance?” Screamed Karen “Who’s gonna fix my baby…..my baby”  By this point, Karen turned into a hysterical puddle of seizures and tears.
    “Damn, do I have to handle this?” said Val as she walked over to Justin.  “I had to pull myself away from cute pineapple boy, so your candy-ass better hand over your license STAT!”
    Justin pulled out his wallet and handed his driver’s license over to the indignant Val.
    “Thank you mister . . .” Val’s eyes scanned the plastic card for a name. “Time-ber-lakAE?” Val sounded out the name like the 5 year old she is.
    “Timberlake!” Yelled Justin.
    “That sounds familiar” sniffled Karen “Was he on COPs last night?”
    “No,” said Lance “but we were on TRL
    “Yeah and if it hadn’t been for those <bleep>ing Backstreet Boys we would have been number 1,” scoffed Chris.
    “Backstreet boys?  Do you mean those annoying guys in white who like to hang around airports?  Humph, why don’t they just tape their next video in the parking lot of Disney World?” asked Val to no one in particular.
    Chris unable to control his love for this girl, who obviously shared his mind set, got down on one knee and broke into song.  “Lying in your arms…so close together….”
    “Val!! Dude it’s the guys from the video . . . you know the one with the sanitarium that gives out silk PJ’s?”
    “Chris?” asked Val, her voice filled with emotion.
    “Um, yup.”
    “WOO-HOO!!” screamed Val at the top of her lungs as she lunged at Chris full force …but we’ll leave those two alone to do what ever they might want to…on the dirty, dirty streets, outside a dirty, dirty 7-11.
    “I guess we didn’t recognize you without the straight jackets,” said Karen. Karen reached down and picked up Justin’s license on the ground where Val dropped it. “Well, I’ll just hold on to this.”
    “Wait!” yelled Justin “you can’t do that!”
    “Why not?” asked Karen
    “Cuz I need dat to drive yo!” Ebonic boy said
    “Listen here, Ebonic Boy….let me say this in a language you might understand. Yous not gonna be drivin’ no where until you gets my phatty ride fixed yo! An’ dats be da final word dat I gots to say! So you best be crackin’ into yo’ piggy if you don’t wanna be walkin’ fo’ de rest o’ yo’ life! You got dat foo’?”
    “Dang yo? Whys you got to be bring-ing a brother down like dat?”
     “Um, we’re not.  We are just telling a confused little white boy that he can’t hit and run MY Jeep and live to tell his mommy about it the next day.  Ain’t that right Val?”
     Valerie looked up, and attempted to straighten her mussed hair. “Hey if we go to court, does that mean I get to see Chris again?” Val asked.  She and Chris exchanged a high five.
     “Wow Val glad to see you are so focused on the issues at hand!” Yelled Karen.
     “Ladies and Gentlemen you are going to have to move this mangled and broken vehicles.” Yelled a very loud police officer.
     “Crud! It’s the po-po!” Yelled JC as he stared first a ‘Buzz’ and then at Karen….with quick thinking he shoved Buzz into the safest looking place…that’s right, down Karens shirt….Karen screamed in shock and wonderment at JC…but then again doesn’t everyone.
     “It seems as if there has been a little accident here,” the BRILLIANT cop said as he wiped some powdered sugar from his mustache.  “Now the question is, who hit who?”
     Karen saw this as the very chance that she needed.  Now that a third party was involved in all this, they could turn on all their girly power and get everything they wanted . . .and we mean EVERYTHING!
     “OH, Mister police man, sir.  I’m so glad that you are here.  We were stopped at this light on our way to volunteering at the local home for the elderly, when these reckless pop stars wrecked my car.  How am I supposed to deliver the Christmas gifts to the orphans without a car?” Karen asked sweetly.
     “But it’s April . . .” Justin tried to butt in.
     “Now Karen can’t drive me to visit my dying grandmother?  I’d drive myself, but I only have one real leg and my parents can only afford to buy a standard car.” Cried Val.
     “Damn those must be some prosthetics…cuz those legs felt real.” Chris said.
     “You Shush. Who’s side are you on anyways?” growled Karen.
     “I think this is an open and shut case.” said the officer.
     “Wait don’t we get to say anything in our defense?” asked Joey.
     Lance looked at Joey and very quietly pointed out that chances are if Justin tried to talk to the officer they would all wind up in jail before nightfall. “Well girls, lets make a deal” said Lance.
     “Now, I know that you will no doubt want me, for some purpose or another.”  Said Joey smuggly.
     “Well” said Val “You must excuse me so that I may confer with my colleague here.”
     Val and Karen quickly huddled to decide on what their demands should be.
     “I want Chris, my little pineapple boy!”
     “Okay I think, that one we can negotiate…..the only problem with demanding various members of the Nsync is that they are going on tour in 2 days….how should we handle that?”
     “Time shares?”
     “I don’t think so, what about visitation rights?”
     “Hell no! No one else gets to claim that boy but me!”
     “Okay….so what else?
     “How ‘bout….they take us with.”
     “Val we have work! Where do you think my college money is going to come from if we go with them?”
     “I could work for Fu Man Skeeto, and you could write an anthropological thesis on how a boyband society works and interacts, not to mention devote an entire section to their burial rituals…”
     “Well I have always wanted to see a boy band burial, and I hear that they have interesting pre-show rituals….”
     “Yeah, they throw a hacky-sack at the member intended for the sacrifice . . .” Val chuckled smuggly as she glanced over at Lance.  “Sorry man, but its true.  I learned it in Intro . . .”
     Lance just whimpered.
     “I guess we have no choice,” said Joey.  “It’s either take you with us, or go to jail.”
     “That’s right lads,” said the cop so that he could still feel as if he were a part of all this drama.
     “Oh, go and eat your donuts,” Karen told him.  “I think we have this under control.  So boys, what time do we leave on Mon?”
     “Lets discuss it over slushies” said Chris.
     “Blue?” questioned Valerie
     “I think we may have a deal boys” Said Karen
     “Well it looks like this crazy food shopping adventure is over,” said JC as he began to retrieve “Buzz.” However his search and rescue mission was interupted by the officer, and one cold glass crack pipe was once again flung down Karen’s shirt forcing her to yelp.
     “Excuse me, but you still need to move these vehicles,” said the cop, trying to be noticed again.
     “No prob,” said Lance as he pulled out his cell phone once again.  Val handed him her AAA card, and the group headed off to get slurpies to help them pass the time during their 5 hour wait for AAA to drive two miles to tow a car.
     “AAA?  You’re an alcoholic?” Chris asked Val in shock and dismay.
     “Oh silly Chris.  That’s AA!” Val laughed as she patted his hand.  “Now come on, you can buy me one of those two-sides slurpie things.  Just make sure that I get a purple straw, or you might have to see my less than pleasant side.”
     “You too JC,” said Karen.  “Maybe the perfect peach slurpie will make up for that little mis-hap at the store...”
     “Maybe . . .”said JC aloud.  You may think that you have gotten away with perfect peach-icide .  . .but Buzz and I don’t let things like that slide.  You just better watch you back . . .
     Karen took JC’s hand and smiled in blissful thought We’ll see who breaks who, afterall I still have Buzz. . .
     And so, our heros walked off into the sunset/light from the glowing 7-11 sign, knowing that their adventure was just beginning.
 
 

Chapter 12: That Monday. . .

     “Chris, these turn tables have to go, unless they can fit into the overhead….and you can’t use a chainsaw to make them fit this time!  Besides, there are better things for you to play with on tour,” Val proceded to give Chris many overly dramatic winks and nudges.
     “What are you talking…..Oh, I get you!” Said Chris “So you wanna…you know.”
     “Sit down and fasten your seat-belt boy, I think it’s gonna be a rocky ride.  Mama’s got everything she needs to keep you sat-is-fied!  We got Sega, or if your feeling a little bit crazy…..Pokemon Blue for my brand new COLOR Gameboy,” Val giggled impishly.
     “Oh Val . . .” Chris moaned in ecstasy. “I’m gonna take you down HARD!” “JC there will be no using Buzz while you are around Lance, he’s so….pure. I don’t want you tainting him.”
     “Dear God woman! That’s 24-7! What am I supposed to do then?”
     “Me?”
     “I’ll meet you in that little bathroom thing in say . . .15 mins?”
    “Captain, we have lift-off . . .”
    “How could we not have gotten any woman?” asked Joey “Afterall, I am ‘the ladies man’ of the group.”
    “You?  I’s the one wit all the fly hunnies!” complained Justin.
    “I have come to the conclusion that neither of you,” said Lance pointing first to Justin and then Joey “deserve to call yourselves ladies men. You couldn’t get anything resembling a lady if you tried!”
    Just then three angelic voices sounded out in front of the arguing boys. “Hi, we’ll be your flight attendants today.”
     “My name in Natalya, and these two lovely leggy ladies about to demonstrate the safety procedures are Erin and Courtney. Should you require any special services just let one of us know, afterall we are here to serve.”
     All at once, Joey and Justin regained their hope.
     “My seat-belt’s a bit tight,” pouted Justin as he eyed Natalya.  Chris and JC were not going to be the only ones having an enjoyable plane ride.