Chapter 1

     “I’m hungry!” complained Joey,
     “Dude.  Yous always be hungry!” exclaimed Justin in an annoyed voice.
     “Will you two shut up?  I’m trying to watch the TV!” howled Chris.
     “Honestly Chris, I don’t know why you watch Total Request Live everyday like you do,” sighed Lance.  “It’s just the same videos everyday.”
     “Not only that, but I find it very unsportsman-like that you vote for yourself,” added JC.
     “For the love of Pete!  I don’t get to sing lead that often.  Allow me my moment in the sun.  It’s just one verse, give me that much.  Besides . . . I don’t vote that many times,” whined Chris.
     “Whatever . . . I know for a fact that you were online for two hours this morning,” said Justin slyly.
     “Considering that it takes 3 seconds to vote, and there are 7200 seconds in two hours,” began Lance.  “That makes, let me see here. . . “
     Before Lance could complete the math in his head, Chris let out a huge scream.
     “AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!  I don’t understand.  They taped that crap in one day . . . in an airport of all places, and still the chicks love it.  Curse those Backstreet Boys.  That’s it!  Our next video is going to be taped in the Disney World parking lot.  Let’s see how they like that.”
     “2,400 votes!” exclaimed Lance.  “Man Chris, you need to get out more!”
     “I get out plenty,” said Chris defensively.
     “Leaving the TV to go to the bathroom does not count as getting out,” chuckled JC as he continued to write on a clipboard that he held in front of himself.
     “At least I don’t think all day.  What are you doing anyway?”
     “Translating ‘Riddle.’  You know, the worst and most cryptic song that we have ever done.”
     “Dude, we were so totally sucked into that gig.” Justin said shaking his head.
     “Everyone’s young once,” said the ever-wise Lance.
     “I mean really guys . . .how DO you run from delirious?” JC questioned.
     “Well, anything is possible with duct tape,” chimed in Joey as a sick look began to sparkle in his eyes.
     “Don’t even think about it!” screamed Lance in terror as he quickly covered his ears.
     “Guys, our image!!!!!!  Think of our image!!” screamed Chris.  “We still have six more weeks until TRL retires us.  Don’t ruin our image yet!”
     “It’s all about YOU singing lead- isn’t it?” asked Joey.
     “Of course,” replied Chris matter-of-factly.
     “Well, when is it my turn?  When does the big Joey get to sing lead?”
     “Joey, are you hungry?” asked Chris.
     “Don’t change the subject.”
     “Steak!” Justin softly whispered.
     “Pasta . . .” JC moaned.
     “Must resist,” groaned Joey.  “I want an answer.”
     “JC, I’m really hungry.  Are you hungry?”
     “Why Justin, I do believe that I am quite famished actually.”
     “But JC, there is no food here.  Whatever shall we do?” asked Justin using his very best acting.
     “I know!  I know!” yelled Joey jumping up and down.
     “Yes Joey?  What is the answer?” JC asked.
     “Let’s go to the Supermarket!”
     “Well that’s a dandy of an idea.  I‘m so glad you though of it,” said JC as he winked at Justin.
     “I call shotgun!!!” yelled Chris as he bolted towards the door.
 
 

Chapter 2

     After a rather interesting drive filled with fights over the radio station, attempts to keep Chris’s head and arms inside the vehicle at all times, and screaming pedestrians, the guys finally found themselves parked safely outside the supermarket.
     “It’s amazing,” observed Justin.  “no matter where we go or what we are doing, our fans always manage to recognize us.  Did you see all those screaming people?”
     “Um. . .Justin,” started Lance.  “I’m not sure that those where fans.  You see, you’re supposed to stop for pedestrians in sidewalks.”
     “I did”
     “Sure, once they started bouncing off your fenders.”
     Justin was about to defend himself when he suddenly heard two of his car doors open and slam shut.   Worried about what he may find, Justin slowly turned his head to look at the seat next to him.  To his dismay, he discovered that Chris had gone.
     “Guys,” Justin said in a shaky voice.  “I think we have a small problem.  Chris has escaped.”
     “That’s not all,” called JC from the back of the Benz.  “He took Joey with him.  Fathers, lock up your daughters. . . the world is no longer a safe place.”
     “I think I see them!” said Lance as he pointed to a grayish blur that was quickly making its way towards the market.
     All three of the guys pressed up against the right side windows in hopes of discovering if that swiftly moving mass indeed contained two of their band-mates.  Upon closer inspection the boys were able to make out that the blur was actually Chris pushing Joey around inside of the cart.  Both were laughing hysterically.
     “We’ve got to stop them before something terrible happens!” cried Lance in dismay.
     “This,” said JC, “is why we never go out in public.  It’s a good thing that I came prepared just for this sort of thing.”
     As soon as he finished speaking, JC got out of the car and went towards the trunk.
    “What are you gonnna do?” asked a frightened Lance.
    “Nothing too dangerous” said JC as he pulled a rifle out of the Justin’s trunk.  He put on his new RayBan sunglasses.
    “Dear God!” Cried Lance in horror as JC started checking the rifle and prepared to aim at the moving mass that was the escaped boys.
    “Yes?” replied JC.
    “Don’t shoot them!!!” cried Lance in horror.
    “It’s just a tranquilizer gun.” Said JC with a cool calm collected manner  that comes before a kill.
     “DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT’S NECESSARY?” cried Justin in shock.  “I mean really.  I have their leashes right here!”
     “Desperate times call for desperate measures,” said Lance solemnly.  “JC is only doing what he has to do.   JC, continue. . .”
     Suddenly Joey and Chris had their cover blown by a disgruntled 13 year old girl who’d been dragged to the supermarket by her mother.  Upon spotting the two boys the girl released a high pitched supersonic scream that only 13 year old girls who love NSYNC are able to hear.
     “It’s too late” said JC as he put down the gun, “They’ve been surrounded.  I can’t get a clear shot.”
      “Yo, we’s gotsta uz plan B. Al-ite?” Justin ebonically said.
     “Plan B….” JC whispered softly as he thoughtfully rubbed his chin. “Yes…..a plan B could work.”
     “Do we even have a plan B?” Lance questioned Justin.  Justin of course took this as a threat to his ‘plan B’ and his manly-ness; and as we all know one should never questions Justin’s manly-ness.
     “Dude, it’s an attitude like that that caused the North to lose the war….” Justin continued to ramble on senselessly about how the North lost the war because they didn’t BELIEVE in THEIR leaders…and he being a leader should be believed in. Lance tried to ignore Justin’s senselessness as he normally did but the idea of the North losing the war finally became too much for him and he could take no more.
     “What’s wrong with you? Are you un-American? The North WON the war… THE NORTH!!!!!!” screamed Lance in frustration.
     Justin however only looked at him blankly as though he was unable to comprehend correct English.
     “Lance give him a break.” JC calmly said.  “He grew up on the Mickey Mouse Club…he got a good southern     education but not much else.”
     Meanwhile the two escaped members of  Nsync were filled with fear.  Joey and Chris could see their lives flashing before their eyes as a hoard of 13 year old girls rushed towards their cart.  Joey saw tables and tables of pasta and steak passing before his eyes as he fended off the teenyboppers.  Chris meanwhile saw hoards of girls and hair styles that he could never get to try flash before his eyes. For a moment the boys shed a tear for all that they would never have, until a young teenybopper attempted to pull out one of Chris’s many hair extensions.  He heard her scream “I can sell this on the black market.” This one act forced him to fight harder than ever to fend off the young girls.
     Suddenly from the back of crowd came a high pitched squeaky noise that said “OH-MY GAWD! It’s Brian from the Backstreet Boys. And he’s macking with Britney Spears!!!”
     Apparently the hoard of girls thought that Britney and Brian macking in a supermarket parking lot would be more interesting than two frightened NSYNC boys.  After all a picture of Brian and Britney can be sold to the tabloids for money, and you won’t feel bad about doing it the next day.
      The crowd ran from the boys.  The girls surged towards the sound of the mysterious voice. In their haste they failed to notice the three gorgeous men hanging in the shadows at the side of the supermarket.
     “Who was that? She saved our lives.” Chris said
     “I wonder if she’s hot.” Joey asked as he licked his fingers and straightened his eyebrows.
     “Is that all you ever think about?” Chris asked
     “I think that I ought to properly thank her….big Joey style”  cooed Joey as he chose to ignore Chris’s question.
     “Please don’t” begged JC as he emerged from the shadows of the supermarket.
     “Why not dude…she’s fair play and you know it!!” screamed Joey in anger and frustration….after all JC or Joey who would you want?
     “Um, Joey I’m sorry to tell you this but…well…um…that was JC’s imitation of a teenie bopper.” Lance was forced to tell Joey for both his own good and the good of the image.
     “Just don’t thank him big Joey style in public….kay?” Justin begged.
 
 

Chapter 3: INSIDE THE SUPERMARKET

     Joey crossed the threshold and shed a tear for the beauty of the moment.
     “How many times do I hafta say dis? OUR IMAGE. Think of our image.” Chris begged of Joey.
     “Dude it’s a beautiful moment! I’m feeling a little verclempted….talk amongst yourselves.” Joey said in his best coffee talk voice.
     “Alright kids…Let’s try to act normal!” JC sighed as he caught a 10 year old eyeing Justin’s eye brows with curiosity.
     “So I dye my hair!!” Justin began to scream at the small child.  “I pay a lot of money to call myself a natural blonde!!!”
     “Dude…it’s okay! As long as you’re having more fun!” said Chris.  “You are having more fun aren’t you?” Immediately Chris ducked expecting Justin’s right hook. Instead Justin merely preened himself.
     “Well….the chicks do dig it, don’t they?” Justin said as he smoothed his curly ‘blonde’ hair.
     “Yeah, you da man.” Joey mumbled sarcastically.
 Lance looked at Justin and mumbled “go Justin” as he gave him two thumbs up.  Very reminiscent of the KIA commercial.
     During this little tirade JC found himself distraught at the poor little kid that Justin made cry.  However he knew better than to point out Justin’s failings to him while in public.  After the last time with that poor girl….well JC heard that her eyebrows eventually grew back…. but he tries not to think about how Justin reacted.  He just knew that he could never point out Justin’s failings again…not when innocent people could get hurt.
     JC merely grabbed a cart and started down the first isle calling out to the rest of the guys as he pushed his way past them.
 


What happens next?

I've had enough for now.