Let's Start with Justin.  Why?  Because Moun10Mama always starts with Justin.

Justin:

It's too bad Justin decided he'd rather be a teen idol than a college student, because this kid was made for the weekend frat party circuit.  If you're anything like Justy, you're 100% fun when it comes to partying, so the next time you have him over, make sure you've got plenty of beer, and plenty of friends.  (It's not time for you and J Dawg to fly solo just yet, dearie.) As we're sure you can see from Justin's onstage performances, he loves a crowd-- almost as much as it loves him.

If you can arrange to get a keg, that would be even better.  Justin is a natural showoff, so you can expect him to be the first (not to mention the best) when it comes to keg stands.  All that beer makes Justin even more mischevious than usual, so don't be surprised to find J grabbing his cell phone and letting loose on people who have had it coming to them for years.

The good news is, you won't have to to hold Justin's 'fro back while he pukes his guts out.  The bad news is your ears might go numb as Justin rambles on and on in nearly unintelligible tones.  Like, more than he normally does.  If you feel the need to shut him up, and you will, we point out that this would be a good time to make a move on him.  A good buzz makes Justin extra "friendly," if you know what we mean.

Alas, all good things must come to an end. The next morning, make sure you have a chance to slip out before Justin wakes up (whether you leave the handcuffs on is up to you) and asks himself, "What did I do last night?"  Especially if the answer happens to be, "you."

Moving right along to our next subject,  Joey "What's Your Pleasure?" Fatone:

Joey:

If you're anything like Joey, you like to party all the time.  Clearly, Joey realizes that the ride on the N Sync popularity train may be a short one, and he is making the most of it while he can. Joseph gets things started early, but he can go all night long.  By that, we mean that he keeps drinking.  Can't you people keep your mind out of the gutter for one paragraph?  Sheesh.

Like Justin, Joey loves having a crowd around, although he skips the keg and heads straight for the shot glasses-- the Man of Steel, after all, has a Stomach of Steel, too.  But Joey's still a fun drunk, more than likely to throw an affectionate arm around his oldest (or newest) friends, call up his current sweetie, or dance on a table with little provocation.

Joey's long established "way with women" is out full force while Joey is party hoppin'.  One sly flash of the Dancer Face and/or the Bobby Voice, and some lucky lady will be stripping down to her Birthday Suit (as Joey can tell you, it never goes out of style) for the fine Fatone.  All may not end well for our overzealous Romeo, though.  Joey often forgets to check IDs, and a wallet is so hard to dance with, anyway.  He has spent many a hungover morning in a holding cell, trying to explain to Lance that that girl "looked eighteen" and, "Please, Lance can't you cover my bail just this once?  Last time, I promise."

Not the party animal type?  Neither is Chris, but that doesn't make us love him any less.

Chris:

If a night on the town magnifies the social aspect of Justin and Joey's personalities, it has the opposite effect on Chris.  While he may love the nightlife, he likes it more when not under the influence.  And who can blame him?  It's hard to regale the bartender, the other party guests and anyone else who might be listening with an embarrassing story about your bandmates when you can't quite remember whether the skinny one with the big nose and veiny arms is JC or Lance.  (Not that moun10Mama would ever have this problem.)

But that doesn't mean that Chris never (to borrow a phrase from Dr. Dre) gets his drink on.  The big 3-0 is just around the corner and most of his admirers aren't even old enough to know what a cuba libra is, much less to belly up to the bar and order one.  A drunk Chris can be found in a corner chillin' out max and relaxin' all cool, and probably just  feeling the vibe of the room.Then again, he may be suckering his buddies out of their cash in the backroom during an impromptu poker tournament.

At the end of the evening-- and Chris is a night owl, so it willbe late-- Chris will crash into bed.  If you're lucky, it'll be yours.  But don't expect a night of hot Chris K lovin'-- Mr. Kirkpatrick will probably spend the rest of the next day sleepin' it off.

Moun10Mama knew you thought she was saving JC for last.  But since she always likes to keep you guessing. . . SURPRISE!

JC:

Speaking of sleepy. . .

A drunken JC is fun.  fun for you, that is.  We're gonna say it nicely.  JC is-- well-- I mean, he tries to-- that is-- OK, there's no nice way to put this.  JC, though practically perfect in every way, can't hold his liquor.  Not in his hands.  Not in his skinny little body, either.  This is yet another reason why Moun10Mama fears she and JC are not meant to be.  Every group of friends has that one person who spends the the majority of the party in the bathroom, and our sweet Joshy is it. . . but that doesn't mean that JC isn't more fun than a barrel of monkeys before he retreats to the, uhh, throne room.

JC has a low tolerance level for the firewater, so he can usually be found drinking something involving coconuts, strawberries and a little plastic umbrella.  But even though he tries to pace himself, it's never too long until the former Mouseketeer is chatting it up with the little pink elephants and the already indecipherable metaphors (something about hotdogs being analogous to albums, JC?) he always seems to be making rise to a whole new plane of incomprehensibility.

JC doesn't drink very often, and there's a good reason for his stab at sobriety-- Josh-o-la spends the morning-- and afternoon-- and sometimes even the next evening-- with a major hangover, puking up little bits of kiwi.  And don't plan on getting any Cha-nookie, either.  The only part of JC you'll be holding is his head (and we mean the one attached to his neck)-- and even that'll be over the toilet or trashcan.

Last, but certainly not least, Moun10Mama's hero of the barroom.

Lance:

Lance likes to party, y'all.

Don't be fooled by the gentle demeanor.  Lance is a pro.  And we say that with the utmost respect.  He skips the girl drinks and the keg and heads straight for the good stuff.  The Jack Daniels.  The gin and tonic.  Moun10Mama's favorites, too.  Quiet and shy Lansten melts into loud and sassy Mr. Mississippi under the influence.  If you think you don't get to hear enough solo Bass, here's your chance. Lance likes to open with the Bloodhound Gang's You're Pretty When I'm Drunk and end with that country classic If I Said You Had a Beautiful Body, Would You Hold It Against Me?  (He remembers his roots.) Just make sure to pull him off the bar before he falls off. . . Lance puts the "tip" in tipsy.

Speaking of roots, a drunken phone call to Mama is often in order after Lance spends a night with Absolut.  If Mama Bass can't be reached, Lance may open up to you.  Just wait until he tells you about that time Dirk crawled up his pantleg and bit his-- well, Lance can tell you about that later.  Play your proverbial cards right, and when the bartender cuts Lancey off, you can help him hobble back to his hotel room.

We hope you're the strong type, though, because Lance will be a leanin' on you all the way home after he twists his ankle, again.  You can expect a slurred declaration of love and lots of sloppy kisses as you tuck Lance into bed.  Make sure you leave room to crawl in next to him, you lucky duck.  and if you keep a spare set of crutches in your purse, you'll be in his good graces until he plucks his eyebrows again.