If you have been on our list for a bit, you might know about the many problems that I have with Nick Carter.  I have complained about him many times and I think that it would be in my best interest to explain to all of you my relationship with Nick.  So here is it everyone, the story of:

   Okay, so its not really a "love affair." The fact is that I really don't go for blondes (sorry Justy! oh wait, you're not blonde!  Strike that last comment).  Regardless of this, Nick (a member of our list who uses the "fake" screen name ImTheDevil) has developed a small crush on me . . .  His fanatic tendencies have even caused him to hunt me down at my very own college.  He attained my phone number and now proceeds to call me practically 14 times a night begging me to give him a chance.  In a fit of anger and in hopes of exposing him to the world, I actually wrote a transcript of his last call.  Here is is everyone, read it and judge us for yourself:

SailorVal:  It's a happy day at Ben and Jerry's . . .um I mean, sorry about that. . . .you got Val!

Nick:  I love you!

SV: Not you again, look buddy . . .things will never work out between us.  I'm a stylish college girl with an often cruel sense of humor,  and you are a tacky boyband member who has been known to wear sequins in public.

N:  That's not fair, that was AJ!

SV: Hmmmm . . .AJ!  How is he?  Is he single??  For some reason, I find myself being very attracted to him.  Well, except for those halter tops.

(Nick breaks into a hysterical fit of sobbing)

N: I just don't know what to do anymore . . .please Val.  I need you . . .I want you . .

SV: It's good to want things.

N: And all you can do it throw my passion right back into my face.

SV:  What else should I do with it?

(and with that Nick breaks into song . . .gross!)

N: You are my fire . . .my one desire . . .

SV:  That's pretty good, do you take requests?  Do you know "Some Dreams" or "U Drive Me Crazy?"

N:  why didn't I see it before? (Nick start crying again and blows his nose right into the phone . . .eewwww!)  N Sync is what is coming between us!!!

SV:  Well, not all of them.  My heart really belongs to Chris.  Funny thing about it is that I don't what it is about him that makes my insides get all gooey (okay, so we ALL have our teenybopper moments every now and then).

N:  But Chris has a girlfriend . . .

SV:  You're right, well there is always Joshua Jackson!

N:  Did you see my hair during Backstreet TV?

SV: When you had your hair in a pony tail on top of your head like a MORON?

N: You like it on Chris!

SV: That's different.  Chris is cool, you are evil.  Don't think for a second that I'm not aware of the real you!

N: You mean, I'm not sexual??

SV:  Honey, you have as much sex appeal as your little brother.  Worst of all, he is young and has an excuse, but you . . .well, you should be ashamed of yourself!

N: PLEASE LOVE ME!!!  I'll do anything.

SV:  Look Nick, I'd love to sit hear and listen to you bitch all night . . .but I have better things to do with my time.  Do you realize that I haven't waxed my llama in two days?

N: Huh?

SV:  I'm glad that you understand.  Say "hi" to the rest of BSB for me.  Oh and don't forget to tell AJ and Howie that if I find them in my closet again, I'm going to kill them.

N:  Okay my darling, so I'll call you later

*CLICK*

  Now you all see the hell that I must endure everyday!!!  Please understand, the rest of the guys are fine with me . . .it's just NICK!!!  Why won't he let me live my life in peace??  I mean, he won't even take time out of his busy schedule of calling me every 10 mins to take a shower and get some of that damn gel out of his hair!  Maybe he should get fake braids like Chris, then he'd only have to deal with it every couple of weeks!  Wait, that may be encouraging him! *sigh*  Chris, SAVE ME!