Larger than WHAT???
(A CSC member's review of a BSB video *shudder*)
Scene: Val is standing at the CrunkySexyCool podium. She looks over the crowd, waves to the list members, and arranges her papers neatly.
Hey all. I'm honored that you have come to my little speech this afternoon. Today's subject: "Larger Than Life."
*Val dodges a throwing knife that is launched from someone in the back of the audience*
Chris, was that really necessary? I'll talk about you next time!! Can I continue?? Thank you . . .
I must say that I am rather
impressed with the budget they had for the video. They really went
all out. Sadly, there are a few problems with it. I think that
the best way to go about explaining this is to go by each member and their
"character" in the
video.
Brian - a total and utter cutie . . .so then why did they put him in such a lame outfit. I'm sorry, but it is not flattering . . .and the color . . .ewww!! He looks all washed out. It is as if they are teasing us . . ."we know he is hot now" they are saying "but in the future, boy bands will have terrible taste in clothing!" One saving grace - I WANT ONE OF THOSE SKATEBOARDS!!
Kevin - Can I get an "GRRRRRRRRRR?"
*audience responds and begins to wipe drool away from their mouths.*
He looks soooo yummy. Best if all, they have him in that little cockpit thing. Yes, once again, the oldest manages to contain his dignity through out the video. Then why did he waste all his hard work only to show up in a sequined shirt at the VMAs? Baby, let me help you! I'll take you shopping (you pay of course) and then when everyone compliments you on your stellar fashion taste, you can thank me . . .errr . . .personally . . .
*This time Val notices that a grenade has been thrown at her feet. She throws it backstage and continues.*
Look Chris, if you can see other people, so can I. And you had the nerve to ask me why I didn't feel "safe" in our relationship?? Go wax your rollerblades or something!!
AJ - I don't quite remember what he did
in his little section, but I remember thinking that he looked good.
That was until the dance break of course!! Hello AJ!! You are
my favorite . . .let's try to prove to everyone that I have good taste.
This means
NO MORE HALTER TOPS!! Half shirts went
out of style in the 80s. That scary guy in Revenge of the Nerds wore
one . . .don't you make the same mistake. I had faith in you!!
I believed in your offbeat fashion sense. Why do this to me now?
Why?!!!
*Val begins to weep before regaining her calm and moving on*
Howie - Here's a question for ya: Since when does Howie get all the chicks???? 'Nuff said. . .
Nick - I'm sure as most of you know, I
could go on about this forever . . . We'll just make this short and
easy then. #1, Nick honey . . .either wash your hair more often or
lay off the gel. Something's gotta give. #2 His head
is too small for his huge robot
body. He looks scarier than usual.
#3 This hurts me more than it hurts you, but I hope that you are
feeling better.
*Val cringes*
I feel badly about tearin' up a sick boy . . .so once you are back on your feet, GAME ON SUCKER!!
Overall video - I thought that it was pretty
good. Much better than that piece of crap airport video. The
dancing was cool and so was the special effects. Just fix those problems
I mentioned and everything will be cool. However, I still think that
"Everybody"
is the best one they have made yet. BTW
- *N Sync, if you are listening
*Val stares at Chris in the back of the room*
I'd like to say that this BSB video is nothing
compared to "I Drive Myself Crazy." I will warn you though . . .further
delay of your new CD may result in myself (and others, mind you) finding
solace in the arms of another boy band. 98* is making a X-Mas
album . . .hmmm . . .I wonder if Drew likes girls
with curly hair. . .
*with that
comment, Chris storms the stage. "I won't stand for this anymore
little missy!! I'm taking you to 'Big Poppa Lou' so that you can
be brain washed again. You belong to TRANSCON!!," he yells.
Grabbing Val by the arm, he blows a hole in the wall with his bazooka,
and they are gone.*