Creusa, Mnemosyne, Adrienne, and I stared down at the cover of the official Phantom Menace Obi-Wan Kinobi calendar.
"EEeeeeeeeeewaaaaaaaaaaan," Mnesy muttered and drooled into her coffee mug.
"Open it already!" The ever-impatient Creusa demanded and slurped some cappachino from a thrumose. Delicately, I obeyed, savoring the brand-new cardboard Barnes and Noble smell that wafted up from it.
The first page contained a description of Ewan McGregor's charming character, Obi-Wan Kinobi. We read it together, silently, savoring every complement the writer gave Ewan, and making a low hissing sound at the one insult.
I carefully turned the page.
We oooooooohed and aaaaahhhhhhed at the incredibly wonderful shot of Kinobi, poised and ready to attack, and the accompanying close-up.
"His eyes are a lovely shade of blue-green," I commented.
"His braid is fake," The skeptic, Creusa, said. Though I'm sure she didn't think any less of him for it.
"It's still sexy," Adrienne, the optimist, declared and I cautiously turned the page.
"ACK!" I said, startled to see Qui-Gon in the picture as well. The two, master and apprentice, had their lightsabers ready and were positioned to fight.
"Qui-Gon looks like he's gunna puke," I pointed out.
"He IS puke," Mnesy replied.
"I liked him," Creusa muttered in the back and I turned the page.
We all nearly fell to the floor laughing at the next picture. I was a full shot of Obi-Wan decked out in his Jedi finest, grimacing from apparent discomfort at the camera.
"He doesn't look too happy," Mnesy said.
"It's all that clothing," Adrienne declared. "Wish we could help him out of some of it."
I turned the page before anyone else got any ideas.
The next page, however, didn't help at all and Adrienne collapsed, laughing silently and clutching her stomach, muttering something along the lines of, "HA! I can't breathe! Hah!" Cru nudged her with a foot.
It was possibly the best shot from the movie. Obi-Wan Kinobi was defending Qui-Gon Jinn as he tried to cut through a large metal door. Kinobi held his lightsaber in such a way that it looked like a dick.
"It's Obi and his Wan!" Mnesy managed to sqeak out between peals of laughter and gasps for breath.
I almost fell out of my swivel chair and quickly turned the page.
Thenext picture (Kinobi standing poised the hack the next battle droid that came along) was a little better except that the childish Adrienne pointed to his expression and said, "He looks constipated." She began laughing and Creusa hit her. The maid squeaked indignantly and I turned the page.
Adrienne and I hissed at he next picture, a scene from the movie involving the cartoonish JarJar Binks. Consoling everyone, I pointed out that while JarJar ruined the picture, it was a good shot of Ewan's handsome profile. As everyone nodded I turned the page.
Mnesy and I gasped for joy at the following picture and Adrienne yelled, "WET SHOT!" It wasn't one of the more flattering photographs, but, as Adrienne pointed out, it *was* an underwater picture, which made it all the better. Grinning, I turned the page.
I hissed again when the follow-up shot was one of JarJar with Ewan hovering in the background. Looking around, I found everyone else grimacing too and I turned the page.
Adrienne nearly fell to the floor again, laughing. Swivelling around, I said, "Gimme the alcohol, dear." She reluctantly handed me a small tin whiskey bottle. I poured some into my coffee and handed it back to her. Upon receiving puzzled looks from my companions, I explained that it was now Irish coffee.
"Buuut . . . Ewan's *Scottish*," Mnesy pointed out.
"But there's no such thing as Scottish coffee, now is there?" I replied.
I savored a last moment of Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan looking confused, and turned the page.
"AH! AH! AH!" I jumped up and down in my chair, pointing to a red-eyed blob hovering in the background of the picture. "There! I have proof that the Giant Shrimp exhists!"
Mnesy took a last eye-full of Ewan and said, "Shudup and flip it."
So I gave her the finger.
"I *meant* the page!" The goddess crossed her arms and glared at me. She never did like my puns.
I turned the page.
"He's got peach fuzz," Adrienne pointed to the shadowed area around Ewan's upper lip.
"So he does," I replied and wiped drool from my chin. I flipped the page.
"OooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooo!!!!!" we collectively gasped. It was Kinobi, brows furrowed, inside the Nubian space craft.
"Red light becomes him," Creusa commented, and Adrienne and I burst into the chorus of "Roxanne". Cru hit us both.
Mumbling curses under my breath, I turned the page.
Ok so it was another fighting stance. I gave everyone enough time to get an eye-full, then turned the page.
We all happily gawked at the next one. It was a still from one of the first scenes in the battle between Darth Maul and Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan. Luckily you couldn't see Liam Neeson's face, only the back on his head and his annoyingly bouncy hair (which, yes, I am jealous of).
"Love that double lightsaber," Creusa, the weapons expert, stated.
"Meeeeeeee toooooooo!" Adrienne replied, I'm sure for a totally different reason.
I grinned and turned the page. And sqealed in delight, as did Mnesy and Adrienne. Creusa emmitted a, "MmmmmmmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmm," which is as close as she comes to a girly peep.
It was after Qui-Gon had been run through by Darth Maul and Obi-Wan was just getting a chance at him. A whole perfect 30 seconds in the movie on which the two coolest characters tried to destroy each other. And it was frozen forever in MY calendar.
I sighed happily and turned the page.
An almost as memorable moment appeared next. Obi-Wan had lost his lightsaber and fallen down a hole. he desperately clung to a . . . knob? . . . a *something* while Darth Maul sent sparks flying down into Kinobi's face. It was semi-perfect, a 9 on a scale of 10. I turned the page.
A handsome picture of Ewan, gleaming with sweat, poised to deliver the final blow, greeted our eyes. Cu-u-ute! I turned to the final page.
My birhtmonth, December, and there was the best close-up of Ewan McGregor in the whole calendar! I grinned from ear to ear and swivelled around to brag about my good fortune.
The three henchwenches simultaneously hit me and I screamed from shock and pain. I gave all of them an evil, hurt glare. Then Belit decided it was an appropriate time to come waltzing in.
"What the hell is going on in here??" she demanded. We sheepishly muttered, "Nothing," and returned to our respective desks. I put the calendar away before Belit had a chance to see it and Adrienne grabbed her mop, whispering to me that she liked "A Midsummer Night's Dream" better.
Well, that's lfe here at the office. Or . . . would it be death? Eh, whichever.
