"MY HEART"
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MY HEART Born on March 6, 1948 Was sent to Vietnam in March, 1967 - March 1968 Born with a big heart full of love and joy, Was hurt as a young boy growing up with toys. My dad had no time to spend with me ~ Busy ... always working like a bee, Always finding bad in me, never telling me he loved me. So many heart aches growing up, yes very many. Found myself in Vietnam and soon became hardhearted. Could feel the dangers that lay ahead of me. Became very unfeeling - and soon, full of hate. Why? Wasn't like what I was seeing and doing. Felt I was doing the patriotic thing as an American If in an instant I saw the life drain out of a young man, It done something to me that, to this day, I don't understand. As well, I had to kill another man, and like I said, Something changed within me - changed me as a man. Asked myself at times ~ Where is my heart? After gaining a sense of great power with a rifle Took my hostilities out on enemy lives. All seemed to go in circles for me at the time - Out of control and always on patrol ... Caught up in the insanity and rages of the war. Coming back from the war - and it was no more. Felt a loss of power - My rifle was gone, my heart was gone. Was as if i was torn, Felt no feeling of joy or happiness - Just those of loss, guilt, and ragefull anger. What a terrible heart to cary around ... Not caring, hating, not trusting the ground. Found I had P.T.S.D. - And: Didn't understand me. Got help to get a grip on life the best I could - Opening all those wounds from childhood; And: Those from the war. Was about all I could endure. It has been three years for me to be able to find The Heart that God Gave Me; And: It was in a bind. Through all the treatments that I received, Was able to feel good again inside me. Was then able to see the good all around me. My heart is maybe not where it's supposed to be; But: It's on the way to being a good heart for me. My heart goes out today to those that gave it all; And: Have a place there on the wall - But: Today I know they have a place in the hearts of us all. May peace and love find you all, my Brothers - Brothers of the 173RD AIRBORNE BDE - As well as the others. Welcome home, Brothers; And: I give you this call: FIND YOUR HEARTS, AND HEAL IT, AND THEN SHARE IT ALL. AIRBORNE ALL THE WAY - AND TO THE HATES OF HEAVENS WALLS! © Dec 18, 1997 by JIM SIMPSON 173RD AIRBORNE BDE. C 2/503 INFANTRY 67-68 NAM ANGEL Fellow combat veterans. There is an Angel. She is around here and there on the Net. She takes, time to listen and feel what pain is in Vets. Never asking for anything; But: In return just comforts - Gives her all to help us, even though our fits. Yes, our fits of hate and rage that the war has brought. She's very understanding. For she has had battles that she too fought. Maybe not those to our degree; But: The same feeling, you see. This angel that was sent to me has helped me, As I listen to her words of encouragement and hope, I know that God has given her the key to help us cope - To cope with all that has been within from the war, As it rages on and on, until we want no more. God sends messages in many ways; And: with me of little faith. I have trouble looking into an angel's face. For what I'd done and experienced in the war, I instinctively want to hide behind my doors - Hoping for no more. She allows us to enter the jungles deep; But: Stops us in time. Yes, in time to weep and work through what is all inside, Never letting us venture too far - just enough to feel, Then she talks about what is real; And: Points the way to heal. A very special Angel, indeed; And: I thank God for her. It's a big cross to bare; But: She doesn't seem to care. There's not many out there who want to show they care; But: With her, it's felt from within the heart. And: Somehow she gives me the courage and hope not to fall apart. I know it's hard to deal with Vets and with P.T.S.D. But: She comes to answer the call, whenever they may be. These angels are very rare - The ones that really care. Like to take this moment in time to thank her ... It's as though she's been to Nam - And: I appreciate all that she's done. Hope you brothers find her, and feel the peace - For, she knows how to get you to feel that release. It's out of the love and understanding she has. Just be moving around; And: You will be found - And: If you're willing, healing will be around. Just open your heart and it will be healed - Not all at once; But: You will begin to feel. "Nam Angel", keep up the good work. Don't give up. Some are a hard deal; But: You know what is real. From me; And: Those that served, Especially from the 173rd, Thanks from the hart that's never apart. © by JIM SIMPSON 173RD AIRBORNE BDE. C 2/503 INFANTRY 67-68 NIGHTMARES Here I sit awake - Awakened my nightmare of Vietnam in 67 - 68 Am stunned by what I have dreamt. Once again I wake up soaking wet. Running through my mind to see, All that went on in Company "C". Why? After all these years of not having fears, I now worry before I go to sleep. For I know what is going to creep, Into my mind - Disturbing and interrupting my sleep. I am at a point where they come and go; But: I sleep one or two hours and then I'm slow, Oh, so tired and weary from it all. I sit and look; And: Wonder at the walls - Will this ever end? My heat says "No" my mind says "Go" Got this P.T.S.D. and all the treatments I've had. Gives me lots of hope and care not to dread. Oh; But: These vivid dreams - so real and extreme, Really hurts my self-esteem. As I await the coming dawn and soon feel the yawns, I put on a pot of coffee and fight them off - Afraid to go back to sleep for I feel it's still there. So dawn becomes the day; And: I fight to keep sleep away, Hoping when the night again arrives, I will sleep all night without opening my eyes. It's a never-ending cycle; And: Hope one day to find The peace in my sleep that will let me rest and unwind. While in the jungles of Vietnam, Was no real sleep for the fear of harm, 173RD Airborne, known as the "HERD" Was the unit I was in and spoke the words: All the way!" "Keep driving on!" "It don't mean nughin" These are few I picked up along the way; But: Today they need not apply. I find myself wanting to cry - Not for me to understand at this time in my life, "Why"? One day God will show me; And: Then I will know no lies. The truth I long for will surely be there, As well as those that I showed care for. Any Brothers out there from the HERD? Please feel free to give me your words. Healing begins by not being alone like the battles we've won. We have to stick together - like always - on this one I Love the 173RD AIRBORNE BDE and will cherish it to my grave ... for I know and will never forget the price we had to pay; And: For all those that were lost along the way, As best I know how. I will pray. GIVE PEACE TO OUR BROTHERS, GOD FOR THEY GAVE ALL THEY HAD- AGAINST ALL ODDS. BACK TO BACK ... AND WE WILL BE SAFE, MY BROTHERS. © December 19, 1997, by JIM SIMPSON 173RD AIRBORNE BDE. C 2/503 INFANTRY 67-68
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