Bondage and Domination (B&D)
is an alternative relationship
in which a Master or Dom controls the actions,
emotions, and will of the slave,
or submissive, often referred to as “sub”.
B&D does not necessarily refer to the sex act itself.
B&D is more akin to a seduction.
The Master seduces the slave with his power,
the slave seduces the Master with their willingness
and servitude.
Sex does occur in the relationship,
but in this context,
W/we are discussing the lifestyle,
not sexual practice.
“Slave” and “sub”, as well as “Master” and “Dom”
are not directly interchangeable titles.
The differences will be gone into later.
A B&D relationship consists of two people
who are mutually consenting adults
and who agree on a direction
for their relationship.
They agree that one of the partners
will take the dominant,
controlling role,
and the other partner,
the submissive,
the controlled role.
Just like in any other relationship,
it is a two way street,
though to outsiders, it may not seem so.
The Master relies on the slave
as much as the slave relies on the Master.
They are dependent on each other
to satisfy their own needs.
Each partner has different needs,
as defined by their role as Dom or sub,
but each is satisfied,
though in different ways.
Each couple will have their own set of agreements.
and relationship is different.
However, there are some basic rules that are universal.
SECTION ONE: -- Basic Definitions
Bondage and Domination are not to be confused
with Sadomasochism.
To make this more clear,
these basic definitions are included.
They are taken from the Dictionary.
1.Bondage -
2. A state of subjection to a force, power or influence. It comes from the Old English word bonda,
which means husbandman (farmer)
2.Dominant -
1. Exercising the most influence or control; governing.
2. Most prominent in position or prevalence; ascendant. Comes from Old French and Latin
dominans, to dominate.
3.Dominate -
1. To control, govern or rule by superior authority or power. Comes from Latin dominari, to rule >
dominus, lord.
4.Humiliate -
To lower the pride or dignity of; mortify. Comes from Latin humiliare, humiliat-to humble > humilis,
humble.
5.Submissive -
comes from Submit.
6.Submit -
1. To yield or surrender (oneself) to the will or authority of another.
2. To subject to a condition or process.
1. To yield to the opinion or authority of another; give in.
2. To allow oneself to be subjected; acquiesce. Comes from Middle English submitten > Latin
submittere, to set under: sub-under + mittere-to cause to go.
7.Sadism -
1. The perversion of deriving sexual satisfaction from the infliction of pain on others.
2. Delight in cruelty.
3. Extreme cruelty. Comes from Comte Donatien de Sade (1740-1814)
8.Masochism -
1. An abnormal condition in which sexual excitement and satisfaction depend largely on being
subjected to abuse or physical pain, whether by oneself or another. Comes from Leopold von
Sacher-Masoch, Austrian novelist (1836-1895)
9.Sadomasochism -
1. The perversion of taking pleasure, especially sexual gratification from simultaneous sadism and
masochism.
If you ignore the terms
“perversion”, and “abnormal”
in the above definitions,
you can still see that
nowhere in the definition of dominate
or submit do you have pain as an integral part.
However, in
SECTION TWO: -- The Players
Although it may seem through outward appearances
that all the power in the relationship
flows from the Dom or Master
to the sub or slave,
this is somewhat misleading.
The players in a B&D relationship,
no matter which side they are on,
are equals to a certain degree.
Both sides have power, but in different ways.
The Dom may have ultimate authority,
but the sub is the one who initiates most actions.
To prevent any misunderstanding between players,
they should understand the difference
between a Dom and a Master,
and a submissive and a sub.
The Dominant, or Dom.
“Many inexperienced Doms
believe that all that is required
is simply ordering your sub around as you choose.
"I do not make My submissive do anything
I make My submissive want to do everything."
A Dom, or Dominant,
is the protector,
teacher,
and lover to the sub.
As the protector, the Dom must be
(a) stronger than the sub, and
(b) stronger than other males in the life of the sub.
This does not mean that He has to be physically bigger
or stronger.
I am talking about character and personality.
As the teacher, the Dom must be wise and,
above all, right.
The Dom should not arbitrarily punish the sub
on a whim.
There must be a reason.
To do otherwise will break down the trust and
security of the sub.
The Dom has to be respected by the sub.
Respect is a quality that is earned by the Dom
being right, and issuing swift,
correct justice and reward to the sub.
The Dom is not there to inflict pain
and degradation on the sub,
but to give the sub a goal and a direction
on how to love and please him.
As the lover,
the Dom is loving and,when appropriate, stern.
He must recognize that he is the only
source of pleasure for the sub.
He must see to it that this area is not neglected.
The Dom should, when appropriate, be gentle,
supportive, and tender to the sub.
A Dom/sub relationship is not just about
overpowering.
It is about the Dom caring for the well-being
of the sub.
If punishment is required to stop a
destructive action by the sub,
then it comes from the Dom.
On the other hand,
when correct action has
been noted by the Dom,
love and caring should come from
Him to the sub.
The Master
The Master is a higher gradient of control in B&D.
The Master follows the same rules as a Dom,
but in a stricter sense.
The Master has a slave, not a sub.
The slave is owned or “collared” by the Master.
The Master considers the slave a possession,
but a highly valuable and loved one,
the most valuable thing He owns.
Offenses against the rules laid out
by the Master are dealt with more severely,
in most circumstances.
Still, the Master, when pleased,
flows great love and caring to his slave.
The Master is also more protective
of his slave because the slave
is totally dependent on the Master.
The Submissive, or sub
“To be sure, the slave serves;
the Master receives.
But that does not mean that the slave has no
sense of self, or self-worth.
her needs are real,
and she should leave a relationship
where her needs are not met.”
The role of the submissive appears
to be somewhat simpler,
but in actuality, the sub plays a large
role in shaping the B&D relationship.
The sub’s primary role
is to follow her Dom’s directions
and to please the Dom.
Being submissive does not mean that the sub
is a doormat for the Dom.
The sub is the Dom’s companion,
His student, and His lover.
As a companion,
the sub is treated with respect and dignity,
is allowed to voice opinions, and
allowed to share in the Dom’s activities.
This is the area where the sub
is the most equal with the Dom.
As a student,
the sub learns how to please the Dom,
and when done,
expects to be rewarded by the Dom.
Likewise, when not done or done incorrectly,
the sub expects to be corrected
and shown the right way to act.
As a lover,
the sub goes out of her way to please the Dom
because she genuinely cares
for His well being.
The sub does this,
not out of fear of pain or retribution,
but because she wants to give the Dom
pleasure.
The sub does not want the Dom
to be disappointed with her.
The sub takes pleasure from the
fact that the Dom is pleased.
The slave
The slave is a higher gradient
of submissiveness in B&D.
A slave’s primary purpose in life is to
serve the needs and desires of the Master.
The slave relinquishes all control
to the Master,
because the slave knows the Master
has her well-being totally at heart.
The slave is marked by her Master in some
fashion to show ownership.
This can be done with a tattoo.
or in some cases a branding
The Master/slave relationship tends to be
more of a lifetime commitment
to each other than a typical
Dom/sub relationship.
The slave is held to a
higher standard of conduct
and compliance than a typical sub,
due to the fact that the slave has given
control of her life to the Master.
SECTION THREE:-- Bondage and Domination Rules
Note: In this section, and henceforth,
I will be referring to
Masters and Doms as Doms.
Likewise, slaves and subs will be called subs.
In order for any venture to be successful,
there must be basic guidelines.
every couple is different,
and no two B&D relationships are the same.
Nevertheless, basic agreements exists, or
else you go outside the boundaries
of what is considered a B&D relationship.
Every couple will have their
own set of agreements, however,
I feel there are some that are universal.
1.No actual injury should occur to the sub.
That does not suggest that spankings,
discipline and correction do not occur,
they just are not calculated
to produce real injury, either to body or mind.
In B&D,
pain is sometimes used
to correct behavior.
It is not the central focus
of the relationship.
2.Pre-agreed limits.
It is simply an agreement
on what the Dom and sub will and will not do.
These limits are different for all couples.
A pre-agreed limit is simply the boundaries
established by the relationship.
As an example,
some have an agreement on not bringing
in outside people to T/their bedroom.
It is important to discuss honestly
with each other what your personal limits are before
beginning a B&D relationship.
These are lines that are not crossed
without at least some discussion beforehand.
These boundaries do change with time
as the relationship progresses.
3.The sub should have a “safeword”,
or something they can say
to halt the present time activity.
The safeword is a word that is understood
by both parties to mean
that action needs to stop.
It could be that the sub is in great pain,
or the Dom wants to clarify a situation
outside of the action He is engaged in.
Usually, it is that a line is being crossed
that was not discussed in the pre-agreed limits,
but just now came up.
B&D is supposed to be enjoyed by both parties.
Limits and safewords are a type of guarantee
that things don’t get
out of control on either side.
If a Dom decides that
a nice caning would be needed,
and the sub has a major problem with it,
the safeword would be used here
to ensure the Dom
does not misunderstand the sub.
This does not mean the caning would not occur,
it means the Dom
would have the opportunity to consider
the opinion of the sub before continuing.
Communication between the Dom and sub
is crucial to a successful
B&D relationship.
The sub must be willing to talk about
her feelings and the Dom must be receptive.
The Dom also must be
conscious of the non-verbal cues the sub gives.
For a satisfying B&D relationship,
it helps to have an underlying affinity
for the other partner.
The Dom is attempting to perfect His sub
to His ideal of what the
sub should be.
The sub must want that goal, too.
If either of these points do not exist,
the B&D can degrade
into an abusive relationship,
or the partners go off, dissatisfied.
B&D is for the mutual enjoyment of both partners.
Limits and safewords assist in ensuring
both parties experience pleasure,
and neither gives up all control.
Over time the use of safewords
and limits may diminish,
however many couples in a long term
relationship still use them.
SECTIN FOUR: -- Reward and Punishment
This point is where many
B&D relationships fall to pieces.
Overpunishment for minor infractions,
non-acknowledged good deeds,
and ignoring blatant wrong action
cause the affinity in the relationship
to break down.
The roles of both Dom and sub
are fairly rigid;
the duties of both well understood.
When a Dom doesn’t punish major infractions,
or ignores correct action by His sub,
the agreements made at the beginning
of the relationship are broken.
It is here that a Dom shows His true colors.
The Dom should be in control
not only of His sub,
but Himself as well.
At the beginning of a B&D relationship,
the Dom and sub may agree
on a long list of correct and
incorrect actions,
but if the Dom does not remember them,
the sub is “getting over” on the Dom,
and in the process,
losing respect for Him and His power.
It would be better to have only a few rules
at the start,
then as time progresses,
expand them as the relationship grows.
Overcorrecting is also poor.
If the Dom is cruel or vicious,
the sub will only do what is required out
of fear of punishment.
Over time, the sub will have no desire
to please the Dom,
and the Dom will suddenly realize
He has no real control over the sub.
Punishment is a tool
to correct wrong or no action by the sub.
IT SHOULD NEVER BE DONE IN ANGER!
This is a very important point.
When you punish in anger,
real injury can occur,
safewords arem nullified,
and limits do not exist.
This is a very dangerous situation.
The Dom who punishes in anger
is moving into the area of abuse.
In B&D,
the Dom cares about the feelings of the sub.
It is very difficult to have empathy
when you are angry.
Pain is not the end all and be all
of a B&D relationship.
It is just one more tool at the disposal
of the Dom to guarantee His rules are complied with.
Punishment does not even have to include pain.
Movement restrictive bondage,
humiliation, harsh words,
or even a look can punish the sub.Privileges can be removed
such as not being allowed to sit on the furniture,
or by the Dom forcing the sub
to sleep at the foot of the bed.
There are many ways to punish incorrect actions.
Save the severe stuff for major infractions.
If you beat a dog every day,
all you get is an angry,
uncontrollable dog.
