11/8/03 VS Chicago Meeting Notes
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"Evolved Individuals control external input,
neutralize aggression,
simplify their plans and strategies,
and put their awareness in harmony
with social and environmental patterns."
Tao 56 (6th Century B.C.); The Tao of Power, R. L. Wing
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Kath, Laura, Roberto, Linda, Amy, Colin, Julie, Victoria, Julia, Marianna, Keri, Lenny, Gerry, Dave, Jill, Dave, Ross, Pam, Woodie, Lynn Marie and Mike, welcomed Claire, Emerson, Mary, Lorin, Sandra, Chris, Marcia, and Susan to their first meeting.
Mike opened the space with a brief round of introductions. The group then created the following list of discussion topics:
* Simple Holidays (Susan)* The Marketing of Ritual in America (Jill)
* Tips for Scheduling Personal Time (Gerry)
* Who Is Choosing Your Attitude? (Roberto)
* To Give or Not to Give [Gifts] (Victoria)
* Simple Winter (Laura)
* "The morality of work is the morality of slaves. Work is not a virtue" Ernie J. Zelinski (Jill)
* Meet The Twins & ComEd Market Pricing (Pam & Woodie, Claire & Emerson)
* Aligning Personal Finances with Values (follow-up to Barrington Library, Mike)
Announcements:
NAME TAGS
Several folks have suggested using name tags.
If you have a name tag, please begin bringing it to the meetings. Thank you.
VOLUNTARY SIMPLICITY WESTERN SUBURBS Meetings...
1st Wednesday of the month (next meeting is December 3rd)
7-9:00pm
Location varies => contact Kath at KCamasto@sbcglobal.net
NOTE on FREE PARKING
There is a designated area in the parking lot on the north side of Monore, directly across from the 711 Building. It's bordered by yellow poles and is marked "Private Parking".
TOPICS:
(*) SIMPLE HOLIDAYS (Susan)...
Whatever happened to "simple" times at Thanksgiving and Christmas? It used to be a time to relax, enjoy family and friends, celebrate the holiday in a meaningful way, and take a break from work. It seems to have become a "get it over with so now I can really have some fun" sort of thing lately. Why! Are they any ways to recoup some of those simpler times? Here's a sampling of the ideas discussed by the group;
With families spread out across the country, an added "burden" to the holiday load can be hosting relatives for extended periods (in your home, and/or taking them to museums/other tourist attractions). It's important to discuss up front, everyone's interpersonal needs.
Someone may need quiet time in the morning, another may need to talk all about last night's events. If these two folks meet in the morning, resentment is sure to build up before long. And what about YOUR needs, routines? Maybe the first thing YOU like to do in the morning is sit quietly with a cup of coffee/tea and read the daily newspaper, undisturbed, in your own space. Everyone needs "their own space". It's important to talk about those needs with your guests. Doing so will make for smoother and more enjoyable visits. How much driving around do you want to do? How much do your guests want to have you drive them around? Discuss it with them. Maybe they want to do some things on their own => that will give both of you "a break" from one another.
Discussing "what everyone needs" continued...
Do you need help in the kitchen preparing the holiday meal? Maybe, maybe not. Perhaps someone else would really like to help you -- it would give them a chance to work (ie, talk) with you. Maybe that's a good thing for both of you, maybe not. Maybe it might be a fun thing to have a group sit down at the table and peel potatoes together. Find out, ask.
What do you do if the family is coming over for dinner and some of them don't get along too well?
Susan said she's addressed this by using place cards to seat everyone around the dinning table. In addition to writing the person's name on the card, Susan adds something nice about them (ie; "Jon, I love how you get all the kids together after dinner and take them for a walk in the park"). Thinking in advance of something you really appreciate about your guests, sets a positive expectation in motion, and creates a loving and happier mood for everyone. Victoria said she's done something similar, a "candle exchange". She gives everyone a candle and they walk around the room exchanging them with one another. As a person is about to give their candle to someone, they tell the other person something they really appreciate about them. Thankfulness, love, peace... hey maybe we're getting somewhere.
How about gifts...
If you want to do something different, talk with folks before anyone does any shopping. Tell them why you would like to do something different for Christmas (birthdays, anniversaries... too). Maybe you have enough possessions and don't really need anymore. Maybe you don't what to add to anyone else's clutter. Or maybe you would like to add more meaning to gifts or not exchange gifts at all. Ask. There are many alternatives.
Instead of buying for everyone, ask about doing a "Name Exchange" => drawing one person's name to give a gift to. You might be able to select a gift from a list that person has prepared - a list of things they might want but wouldn't necessarily buy themselves. Discussion carried over into the next topic...
(*) TO GIVE OR NOT TO GIVE GIFTS (Victoria)...
Victoria began by asking the group what is the definition of a "gift"? Is it something that costs $25 and fits in a box? Good question...
Gerry felt a gift is anything you feel has value. What do you give someone? What would "charge up" the person you're giving a gift to? Find out. Jill says she always appreciates the thought someone puts into getting a gift for her. Maybe if you can't come up with something that would "charge a person up", perhaps at that point you shouldn't be giving them a gift.
Gerry added, isn't a gift something you give because it comes from inside of you - something you do for someone else without any expectation of anything in return? If so, the notion of "exchanging gifts" becomes an oxymoron.
Talk with family and friends ahead of time. Let them know what you're thinking.
What do you do with gifts we receive but don't need?
Graciously receive and appreciate them. Find a "good time" to talk with the gift giver, tell them you appreciate the gift, and begin a dialogue on alternatives that will meet both your needs.
Julia talked about the gifts teachers receive at Christmas => lots and lots of cute, well intended little gifts with "A-B-C" or "1-2-3" written on them that become "clotch-keys" in teachers' home. A teacher recently became the new school principal and wanted to do something about gifts. She sent letters home to parents asking them to please stop giving gifts at Christmas. The letters didn't work. Gifts poured in as usual. Next Christmas, the principal asked the parents instead of gifts, how about making a donation to a charity - Heifer International. The response was tremendous, as the school raised over $1000. Some students still brought in gifts, but not near as many. And the spirit of gift giving was maintained, and focused on giving to someone in real need.
How about creating your own ritual?
Mike remembers a gentleman from a "Simple Holidays" discussion a few years ago. Instead of buying lots of gifts for his nieces and nephews (Mike seems to remember the # was like 20-30 gifts!) to simply tear open and forget, he came up with something they would really remember => a family hay ride and dinner. He told everyone up front about his idea. Some weren't too thrilled, but they went along with the idea. Next year, the day came and he said they all got on board, threw hay at one another, laughed and simply enjoy each other's company as they rode through the country side. They gathered afterwards on the farm grounds for a simple meal. Everyone had a great time and now look forward to the event each year. It became their family ritual.
(*) MARKETING OF RITUAL (Jill)...
Rituals connect us to each other. They were embedded in societies long age, but now they have morhped into something to buy.
Some rituals seem to be a thing of the pass => Sunday dinner after church, nightly dinner with our families... At least Advent hasn't morhped into something else... yet (if someone can make money at it, Advent will morph).
Celebrating (the ritual of) "the day of the dead", Halloween, is gaining in popularity. It's a time when folks can really "let loose". Getting dressed in costumes and masks allows them "be someone" else for awhile. It's a nice escape, and is increasingly targeted by Marketers. What used to be a simple and creative ritual of going through what you had in the house to make a costume, is being replaced by big buck princess costumes from The Disney Store (among many). No one "has time" to be creative. That may be true, but is there a cost to emotions and our need for recreation (re-creation)?
Ramadon cards appeared in stores this year, supported by restaurant advertisements for, "End your Fast with a delicious dinner from...". Does this heavy marketing of our rituals, the simple things we did year after year, the things we often remember most from our childhood, outrage any of us?
Perhaps we've become emotionally numb and thus emotionally unconsciousness. Maybe we're more comfortable with positions at work and as many possessions as we can accumulate, then with going inside to check out our real emotions.
(*) WHO IS CHOOSING YOUR ATTITUDE (Roberto)...
A great discussion on where our attitudes are coming from. Points brought forth by the group included:
Choosing our Attitudes are our own personal responsibility. They can be helped by, or hindered by;
~ discussion groups => such as VS Chicago
~ colleges
~ books => Plato Meets Prozac, Fishing Stories - about the Seattle fish market
~ social expectations => of others
~ how you set things up for yourself => TV, Cable, Possessions, use of money
(*) ORGANIC FOOD CHOICES (Gerry)...
Gerry reported there wasn't too much interest in "Tips for Scheduling Personal Time", so discussion moved into organic food choices. Ideas included using local organic food coop's => it's a great way to support the organic food market and greatly reduces the environmental costs of transporting foods from locations hundreds/thousands of mile away. Eating "in season" was discussed. Listen to your body, especially this time of the year. Your body is often telling you what it needs. Perhaps things grow locally certain times of the year because that is what your body needs to thrive in that location that time of the year.
(*) SIMPLE WINTER (Laura)...
Tips To Stay Healthy...
Tips for Staying Warm...
Cool Weather Activities...
Heathy Food Choices...
Car Tips...
Reducing Home Air Dryness...
Body and Hair Tips...
(*) MORALITY AT WORK (Jill)...
There has been a devastation of the labor movement. Many folks are buying into 60+ hour work weeks because they fear they will lose their jobs. Work has become an addiction => we work as a family, community... Many schools don't have recess anymore, and operate using business models instead of education models. Seems we need to work (paid or not) to have a sense of worth. Wishing and seeking to work less gets judged by society as being a deadbeat or gentleman of leisure.
We adjourned and closed the meeting space at 12:05pm. Remember, pot luck lunch next month at Laura's following the meeting. Who's bringing the lemons...?
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(Recorded by Mike Lenich)