Election season is upon us once again and with true patriotic fervor, several MAYBERRY residents have expressed interest in the top spot! (Andy has asked not to be considered for President, although he has not ruled out a vice-presidential bid.)

In order to ensure an informed electorate, each candidate has been asked to state their qualifications, platform and campaign slogan. Scroll down and choose wisely! In these hands may rest the fate of the nation!

fifeplat

CANDIDATE: Bernard P. Fife

QUALIFICATIONS:
-Deputy Sheriff, Mayberry, North Carolina
-Board of Directors, High School Tin Foil Drive
-Standby Cymbalist, Mayberry Town Band
-Historian: Can recite the preamble to the Constitution from memory.
PLATFORM:
-Law Number One: Obey All Laws
-Will immediately intergrate N.I.P. I.T. Crime Program ("National
Interloper Prevention & Incarceration Task Force.)"
-Fight Fire With Fire; Outfox A Fox
CAMPAIGN SLOGAN: "FIFE FOR PRESIDENT...HONEST,
FEARLESS, INCORRUPTIBLE."

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CANDIDATE: Ernest T. Bass

QUALIFICATIONS:
-Once lived in a cave for six months with a possum and a racoon.
-Holder of a special �Award For Learning.�
-�I got looks, brains and personality...and I can chuck a full-grown sick jackass over my
shoulder and tote him five miles to the doctor.�
PLATFORM:
-Free Gold Tooth for all U.S. Citizens.
-Will name Helen Crump National "Mother Figure."
CAMPAIGN SLOGAN: "IF YOU'RE WONDERIN' WHO I BE...IT'S ME, IT�S ME, IT�S ERNEST T!"

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CANDIDATE: Ellie Walker

QUALIFICATIONS:
-Ph.G (Graduate in Pharmacy), Bernard University.
-Once ran for a seat on the Mayberry Town Council.
-Deputy Barney Fife has proudly signed my ballot petition. (Thank you, Cream Puff!) PLATFORM:
-Will reform health care system by
easing restrictions on distribution of certain pills to needy citizens.
-Will seek to ensure equal representation for all.
CAMPAIGN SLOGAN: "A FAIR DEAL FOR THE FAIR SEX!"

fifeplat CANDIDATE: Gomer Pyle

QUALIFICATIONS:
-Special Deputy, Mayberry Sheriff�s Office
-Can sing the Marine Corps Anthem from memory.
PLATFORM:
-U-turns legal for all vehicles, emergency or otherwise.
-Water and air are free.
-Will make �Hootey Hoot� Call official symbol of international distress.
CAMPAIGN SLOGAN: "VOTE FOR ME AND I�LL DO MY BEST!"

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CANDIDATE: Floyd Lawson

QUALIFICATIONS:
-CEO, Floyd Lawson Enterprises
-Served four years on the Mayberry Town Council
-Secretary, Downtown Businessman�s Club
-Distant relative of Daniel Lawson, Mayberry�s first Indian Agent.
PLATFORM:
-Two Oval Offices, no waiting.
-Outlaw Wooden Nickels
-Free haircuts for Congressmen and no more $200 Presidential Haircuts!
CAMPAIGN SLOGAN: "AS CALVIN COOLIDGE SAID, �EVERYBODY COMPLAINS ABOUT THE WEATHER, BUT NOBODY DOES ANYTHING ABOUT IT.'"

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CANDIDATE: Otis Campbell

QUALIFICATIONS:
-Closest living descendant of Nathan Tibbs, Revolutionary War Hero.
-Fill-In Deputy, Mayberry Sheriff�s Department.
PLATFORM:
-Morrison sisters in charge of providing beverages for all official celebrations
-Colonel Harvey for Surgeon General
-Will reduce crime by forcing all criminals to serve time at �The Rock� (Taylor home) under the eagle eye of �Bloody Mary� (Aunt Bee.)
CAMPAIGN SLOGAN: "I WILL TRY TO LOOK LIKE A PRESIDENT AND ACT LIKE A PRESIDENT...Mostly."

Illustrations by David Washburn courtesy of Mike Creech.

Click here to go BACK TO "RARE FORTY ACRES PHOTOS!"

Your intrepid Mayberry correspondent hard at work recently in Beverly Hills!

(As reported by J.D. Rasmussen, Mayberry Political Correspondent...See Pics at bottom of page!)

Click here to go BACK TO "RARE FORTY ACRES PHOTOS!"

(As reported by J.D. Rasmussen, Mayberry Political
Correspondent...See Pics at bottom of page!)