"It seems for many borderlines that an important developmental process
was damaged: learning that everything and everyone can have both good
(white) and bad (black) parts...
"Borderlines generally see themselves as being all bad because of their
self-destructive behaviors. Even when good behaviors might temporarily
result in feeling the "white", borderlines "know" deep down that since
"bad" behaviors sometimes occur, they must be bad. They are unable to
accept the reality that everything has good and bad aspects.
"Borderlines frequently assume (incorrectly) that any imperfection
proves unworthiness, and a need to assume the worst (the black). .. When
experiencing the "white", however, many borderlines feel excessively
vulnerable to disappointment and hurt. Any slight- real, minimal, or
imaginary- will plunge the borderline into a painful dysphoria. The
"black" is at best unpleasant, and almost always leads to dysphoria and
pain."
---Life At The Border
"Splitting prevents you from developing an enduring image of yourself
and others and is partly behind your elusive sense of identity.
Splitting is like an archeologist trying to imagine the form of a vessel
by considering only one small, mineral-encrusted fragment at a time,
never considering their relationship to one another.
"If you are borderline, you most like have powerful effect on other
people's feelings and behavior. Your tumultuous emotions and dramatic,
often provocative behaviors are due to elicit strong reactions in others.
Your environment often becomes a theater for playing out inner conflicts.
Other people may become screens onto which you project feelings as if you
are thinking, "Someone here is angry. It can't be me, so it must be you."
"If you are borderline, you are likely also to split your perception of
yourself. You may strive valiantly for perfection and feel, at times,
that you have achieved it, only to condemn yourself when the smallest
flaw appears.
"When you are good, you may feel entitled to special treatment and live
outside the rules made for others. You may feel entitled to take whatever
you wish and to have everything good all to yourself.
"When you are bad, you may feel entitled to nothing. You may feel
responsible for all that is evil and expect punishment. If punishment
does not come, you may invite it from others or inflict it yourself.
"This paradox in attitudes may be particularly confusing to family or
friends, who at one moment experience you as arrogant, demanding, and
entitled, and the next as contrite, self-negating, and even suicidal."
