Well, I guess there's no time better than the present to start this journal shit. Nick Carter here, like no one's seen him before. Yep, Nicky Carter's pissed as hell. It's not everyday you find out your best gal pal is pregnant with your child. None of this was ever supposed to happen. Cassie and I slept together in a time of need. It was never supposed to turn into anything more. I love her, but I don't LOVE her. For that one night we were longing for comfort and companionship. It wasn't even me that made the first move.

"I think it's time we see other people." Nick quietly read the last lines of an e-mail he had received. After months of neglecting her, Shannon broke off their year long relationship with a few strokes of a keyboard. "Nick Carter got dumped over the Internet," he whispered. He knew it was bound to happen. He'd flown her out for a few shows of their new tour, but it wasn't enough time to suit her needs. He had to face things like they were handed to him; he wasn't meant to be involved with anyone. He had really liked Shannon, but knew that he couldn't give her the attention she needed. His eyes watered a bit, but he allowed no tears to fall. "I don't need anyone anyway." His lower lip trembled as he uttered his realization. "It's a good fuck that gets you through the night, not love." He stood and walked away from his heartache, only to be disturbed by the ringing of the phone. "Shit," he sighed. He soon pressed the cold receiver against his ear. "Hello?"

"Nick, it’s Cassie, how ya doing?"

Even though he had grown numb, the pain in her voice was evident. "I'm doin' about the same as you by the sound of things. What's goin' on?"

"Roger dumped me. After a year and a half he just threw me away. After using my body the night before and many preceding that, he got rid of me."

"I'm sorry, Cee Cee. Shannon gave me the boot too if it makes you feel any better."

"Nope, it only makes me feel worse. Nice people do finish last, don't they?"

"Yeah, nice people and famous singers," His voice held a bitter tone.

"Nick, I know you most likely don't feel like company but I really need someone to just be around. I won't even talk if you don't want me to. I just need to be around a good friend."

She was right, he didn't feel like having to worry about entertaining someone, but the thought of having at least one person with him was tempting. "Sure, want me to come pick you up?"

"No, that's okay. You letting me visit is nice enough. I'll be there in a bit."

"Okay, I'll see ya in twenty." He hung up, feeling a slight bit better.

I get a nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach as I recall that night; the night I lost one of my closest friends because we gave into desires. We gave into the loneliness. For once it should've been a friend of mine. At the time, it made me feel wonderful. The passion made me feel complete. Then I woke up and panicked. I woke up and found my best friend naked and in bed with me.

His eyes focused on the figure next to them, the night before still playing in his head. He wanted to jump up from his spot on the bed. He wanted to run away as he thought about the fire that had ignited between them the night before. It was all a mistake. There was no way it would work out. Cassie was his friend; only his friend. "You are such a fuck, Carter," he whispered. He saw her slightly moving, his anxiety rising from the uncertainty of how to act.

Cassie opened her eyes and was greeted with the sight of Nick staring down at her. "Good morning," she greeted in a groggy voice.

"Hey, sleepy." He smiled his best smile, not wanting to put her through anymore pain than what either of them had already endured the night before. "I have to go to the studio this morning and meet up with the guys, but you're welcome to stay here all day if you like."

Her heart fell a bit, wishing that he could stay. "Did you want me to fix dinner for you while you're gone?"

The urge for him to run and hide grew with the passing moments. "Actually, the guys and I are gonna make a day of it. Ya know, hang together without having to worry about some type of a schedule."

"Oh, okay. I guess I'll just head back home."

"I'm just gonna take a shower and head on out." He was about to move from the bed when a feeling of guilt washed over him. He turned back to Cassie and kissed her lightly on the forehead. "I'll call you later," he promised and then walked away.

Do I love her? The more I think about it, the more confused I get. I started out this journal entry convinced that I loved her as nothing more than a friend. Now I'm not so sure that I can say that and be honest. The only thing I'm unsure of is why I love her in that way. Is it because I do or is it because she's having my child?

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