The Enchanted Astrologer

Diligent research among the charts of clients, family and friends over the last few days, when my own interest was piqued by ads for the movie "Chocolat" being released in video, has led me to the conclusion that there IS another heavenly body orbiting out there somewhere between Neptune and Pluto. The companies which publish ephemerides have been notified of this but appear to be slow on the uptake.

Orbiting between Neptune and Pluto seems highly appropriate for this ......well, let's call it an asteroid. It can't be big because it's never been seen. Of course that might be due to it's proximity to Neptune. Then again, it is definitely associated with the obsessive-compulsive tendencies of Pluto. It seems to "borrow" qualities from both of its neighbors but manifests them ONLY in relation to chocolate. Anyone with an aspect from any planet to Chocolatia (I have taken the liberty of naming this new astrological body) finds it difficult or downright impossible to manage their chocolate intake. If it's there, they eat it.

The "borrowing" of qualities from Neptune absolutely does not extend into spiritual areas, "victim-savior" behavior, alcohol or drugs. However when it comes to chocolate all the challenging Neptunian qualities of confusion, forgetfulness, search for total fulfillment etc. are fully engaged. Individuals with Chocolatia in aspect to personal planets or Neptune, or to personal angles, inevitably eat chocolate before they remember that it has undesirable sugar and fat calories. Try as they might, they cannot retain this knowledge when faced with chocolate. It has been determined that visual stimulation is sufficient to induce this debilitating " selective amnesia," and in stronger cases even the mention of the word "chocolate" has the same effect.

Research has allowed me to offer the following delineations for Chocolatia in aspect to other planets:

Chocolatia aspect Sun: particularly fond of any chocolate wrapped in gold foil. Completely helpless if they see a chocolate lion. Desire to be proud of their chocolate collection but keep eating it before it can be built up. Easily insulted if given inferior chocolate. No matter how angry at you these people are, they can be mollified instantly by being presented, with appropriate ceremony, with chocolate in the shape of their initial or name.

Chocolatia aspect Moon: hoards chocolate around the home in a variety of forms. Some individuals have found a constructive expression and use chocolate extensively in their cooking. Completely addicted to milk chocolate, and lose all resolve in the face of a chocolate fudge sundae. These are the only mothers known to steal their infants' chocolate pudding.

Chocolatia aspect Mercury: tends to show up in advertising and marketing people responsible for the shameless promotion of chocolate. Make good chocolate critics: due to their fickleness they won't commit to any single chocolate product. Have been known to steal other people's chocolate.

Chocolatia aspect Venus: people in the forefront of the movement to produce chocolate colognes, body washes and moisturizers. Have long been the people behind the chocolate "money" industry. Have been known to decorate their house with pictures featuring chocolate deserts. Often use gifts of chocolate to smooth over quarrels and restore peace.

Chocolatia aspect Mars: Easily recognizable by their aggressive behavior at the Purdy's counter, often barging in and pushing other people out of the way. Generally will angrily refuse to share their chocolate but will happily share someone else's. Prone to arguments and fights about chocolate. Extreme cases express outright eagerness to go to war over cocoa production and importation rights.

Chocolatia aspect Jupiter: perennially dissatisfying search for the perfect chocolate. Enjoy debate over who produces the best chocolate and willing to pay exorbitant prices for exotic and foreign chocolate. Annoying habit of telling anyone who will listen how much they paid for their chocolate.

Chocolatia aspect Saturn: Authority figures, particularly father or father figure, attempt to control chocolate intake and teach discipline. Chocolatia individual feels chronically criticized, restricted and misunderstood. Some give up in defeat and actually stop eating chocolate, which leads to serious depressive episodes and cruel behavior towards others who eat chocolate. When used constructively however, they make fantastic executive officers in chocolate companies.

Chocolatia aspect Uranus: prefer their chocolate in peculiar forms and outlandish shapes. Like to seek out small, out of the way chocolate producers and then flaunt their unique chocolates to their friends. A handful of individuals with this aspect are actively seeking to invent new sources of chocolate, some are working to invent new uses for it., one is trying to produce the world's first computer built out of chocolate . All have a fondness for science fiction which features chocolate covered aliens trying to take over the world.

Chocolatia aspect Neptune: daydream of vats of chocolate in which they can swim and float endlessly. Easily led astray by promises of chocolate and very susceptible to promotional schemes involving chocolate factories or cocoa futures. A few have gotten really creative and make wonderfully artistic chocolate sculptures and objet's de art. Unfortunately the market for these is limited due to the public's unwillingness to pay a high price for these creations. It is suspected this is because the buyer's intent is to eat his purchase, not display it in his home.

Chocolatia aspect Pluto:

Chocolatia Unaspected: the lucky and rare few who can look chocolate in the eye and either leave it alone or eat only one. Their only downside is their complete inability to understand those who are not free of the influence of Chocolatia.

It is hoped that these delineations will assist those who are interested in researching this interesting addition to the astrological arsenal.