well i can't sleep...
tomorrow i am going to visit my dad...
i haven't seen him in two years...
i am nervous...
i could have gone to see him earlier...
but i hadn't forgiven him for all the shit he put me through...
it's 3 AM in the effing morning and i am still up...
i guess it also has to do with uncle james being down here...
him being so close bothers me...
i honestly never wanted him to come...
he is keeping me from my mom...
she thinks he is so fucking great and such the perfect parent for me...
god...
why can't she see...
i need her...
i've been losing weight...
not only because of the veganism...
but also because i haven't been eating enough...
i haven't been eating right or thinking right or sleeping right or anything right...
i think it's because of the meds...
and also probably everything with my mom...
i have spent a lot of time with her lately...
her and catrina...
i love them both so much...
the seperation hurts...
sometimes it feels unbearable....
well...
i better go...
-me