“I got it,” I yelled to Zac so that he didn’t have to get off the couch and I ran past him into the kitchen to answer the ringing phone.

“Hello?” I asked breathlessly.

“Dirbee?” Mrs. Hanson’s concerned voice came over the phone.

“What’s wrong?” I asked making Zac get off the couch and come over to my side.

“Something’s gone wrong with Taylor; we’re all headed to the hospital now. Tay’s asked for Zac to be there specifically.”

”Okay, I understand. We’ll be right there,” I told Mrs. Hanson and hung up.

“What’s wrong?” Zac asked with a worried look on his face.

I reported to him what his mother had just told me then we rushed out of the apartment.

When we got to the hospital Avery met us at the entrance.

“What’s the scoop Ave?” Zac asked his little sister.

“They’re testing for cancer they think it’s gone into remission,” Avery said with a big smile on her face.

“What?” both me and Zac yelled.

We broke into a run up to where we found the large family. Mrs. Hanson told us the same thing Avery had just told us only in more complicated terms and we sat down to wait.

About an hour later the doctor come out and Natalie stood up fast.

“We have terrific news!” Dr. Penndroy announced looking around at the faces of the anxious family.

“What?” we all said in unison.

“Some sort of miracle had been performed here. It turns out that the reason Taylor was getting so sick was because the chemo was working so hard. His leukemia had gone into remission.” He stopped and we all cheered. The doctor waited for us to stop and began again. “It might take him a while to recuperate, but he can do all the old things again like touring and such. There’s one draw back.” We all stopped whispering among ourselves and looked at the doctor. “Any sort of trauma like physical trauma that causes Taylor to bleed an immense amount, I believe his cancer may come back. Just don’t be over protective of him.”

”Thank you doctor,” Natalie said. “Can we see him?”

“Yes, you can all see him, he’s just very tired,” the doctor answered.

“Thank you very much doctor.” Mrs. Hanson shook his hand and we all filtered into Taylor’s hospital room.

Taylor was laying in the hospital bed hooked up to many machines and IV’s. He had his eyes closed; we all tiptoed in just in case he was asleep, but as soon as the door shut Taylor weakly opened up his eyes.

“Oh baby, thank God!” Natalie rejoiced and went over to Taylor’s bed and hugged and kissed him. Ezra jumped up on the bed and hugged Taylor. Taylor happily kissed his son back.

“Hey son, have you been good to mommy while all these doctors ran tests on me?” Taylor asked his voice soft and cracking.

“Yes daddy! Mommy was crying but Grandma tried to make her feel all better,” Ezra reported.

All of us just looked on and we all could tell that Taylor and Ezra were close. For a two year old Ezra know what was going on and he sometimes seemed to want to be older tan he was. He was exactly like Taylor.

Zac and I were standing in the back holding hands, I think that Zac hoped that Taylor wouldn’t see us, but Taylor knew he was there.

“Zac, come here. I want to talk to you.” Taylor tried hard to make his voice strong, but it cracked in the end. “Ezra, why don’t you go and sit with mommy so I can talk to Uncle Zac,” Taylor said refocusing his eyes on Ezra.

“Yes daddy,’ Ezra said and got down off of the bed, with help from Taylor.

I gave Zac a reassuring squeeze on his hand and let go. He walked towards Taylor’s bed and sat down on it, next to Taylor.

“I figured out why you’ve always been mad at me. I’m sorry for that I never meant to be like that. I’m also sorry that it’s too late now because now that you’ve got Dirbee and once you start having children, trust me, you’re not going to want all of that attention.

“Zac, I’m sorry you always felt that way. You’re my brother and I love you. I hope you still feel the same about me,” Taylor finished with a swallow as he closed his eyes acting like saying all that had hurt.

“Of course I do Tay, of course I do,” Zac confirmed and hugged him.

Everyone in turn hugged Tay and said something to him and then everyone but Natalie, Ezra, and Logan left so Taylor could get some rest.

About a week later after Taylor had started regaining his strength he was allowed to go home. We all couldn’t have been happier until Taylor announced that he was ready for music.

He called everyone over to him and Natalie’s house about two weeks after the day in the hospital. We all sat down in their living room and waited for what Taylor had to say.

“Guys,” Tay said addressing Zac and Ike. “For the past three years we’ve been working on the new album. We’ve already recorded the acoustic album that we did for the hanson.net members a while back. So, I was thinking, I’m not up to doing a full scale tour and jumping around on stage like I used to, but why not have an entire acoustic tour. I’d be up for that,” Taylor finished looking at the other two members of him band for an approval or disapproval.

“That’s a great idea,” Isaac said jumping in. “We could travel around the country, go to small venues, and do all acoustic sets.”

”This does sound awesome,” Zac said getting that old gleam in his eye again. “We could all play guitar on some songs and I could really downsize my drum set, but mostly play things like the mini maraca’s and tambourine.”

”And I could play the mandolin and twelve-string on other songs,” Isaac said.

All three of the men were acting like boys again, so their mother had to step in:

“Hey!” we all looked at her. “Guys, this is a wonderful idea, but let’s wait until we can get a hold of Ashley and Micah and let’s not plan all the details today,” Mrs. Hanson said sternly.

“Yes mom,’ the three guys stopped and bowed their heads. I would have loved to have been around back when they were all kids. It probably would have been tons of fun.

For the next two months all the guys did was plan the acoustic tour and make it happen. The first concert was set in Baltimore, Maryland and we were all planning on going with the guys. The only thing was that I had to introduce myself as Kate since people still believed in her.

Finally the date was closer than we had all expected it to be. Ike, Tay, and Zac started getting nervous and the buses started getting packed. I was even made to pack some of my instruments. They were playing my acoustic bass and my twelve string.

Finally we got on the road and made it into Baltimore. It was crazy. I had been to many concerts when I was a fan, and they were crazy then too, but I had never been on the side of the barrier with Hanson and now I was seeing the craziness in a whole new light. Girls were everywhere and I have to say that I was kind of jealous, I don’t know of whom, but I was. But that really didn’t matter.

Soon it was time to get off the bus, I hugged and kissed Zac and I made sure to tell him that I loved him. I saw Natalie and Alyssa doing the same thing to Taylor and Isaac. We were supposed to go in after a while and sit somewhere reserved just for us.

About a half an hour later we were paged to come on in. As soon as I got off the bus I wasn’t Dirbee any longer, I was Kate and that’s who I introduced myself as, Kate, Zac’s girlfriend from Georgia.

Alyssa stayed on the bus with Xander, Margo, and Logan, but Natalie took Ezra in to see his first concert.

The show began once everyone was situated and the guys came out onto the stage. The crowd that was packed into the small theatre went nuts.

Taylor opened up with a familiar, “How’re you guys doing tonight?” and then the girls screamed.

Finally the guys started to play a number of new songs from the new album, mixed in were familiar songs like Mmmbop and With You in Your Dreams. Also, the guys sang solo’s. Zac played Lulla Belle and I absolutely loved it, and Alyssa was called on her cell phone during Isaac’s.

It, unfortunately, ended with people buying CD’s and t-shirts, the guys signing autographs and then going into a back room to meet the hanson.net members.

We had all gone back to the bus long before that, but I made sure to buy a shirt. Zac hated to see his brother’s faces on my shirts when we were in bed at night, but I loved the torment.

Finally, the night was over and our husbands safely arrived back at the bus and we drove to the hotel. For the next two months we traveled around North America and right before Zac’s birthday during the third-leg of the tour the guys decided to go to London.

London is the one place that I had always wanted to visit. So, I decided to go too. They had a concert the night before Zac’s birthday. So, that’s when I decided to tell him.

I was sitting on the bed ringing my hands nervously and Zac had just gotten out of the shower. I could tell that the memory of the concert he had just given was on his mind, because he was humming one of the songs they had sung that night.

“Zac?” I asked somewhat nervously.

“Yeah babe,” Zac said going through his suitcase looking for pajama’s.

“Umm, when we get back to the states I think we’re going to have to find me a doctor,” I said looking at Zac hoping everything he had said had been true.

“Why?” he said standing up abruptly and coming over to sit down besides me on the bed. “Are you sick?”

“No,” I answered slowly.

“Then why do you need a doctor?” Zac said, I could tell he wasn’t getting the point.

“I think I might be pregnant,” came my answer drawn out and slow.

“What!” Zac yelled as he stood up fast.

“Oh, I knew that you wouldn’t be happy,” I said disappointed.

“Wouldn’t be happy? How could I not be happy? Dirbee, honey, this is great.” Zac was smiling and that made me smile.

“I’m so glad.”

“How long have you thought this?”

“Well, every since I missed my period for the last two months and then I’m late for this month.”

”You waited two months to tell me something this great?”

“Zac, baby, don’t be mad. I wasn’t sure how you’d react.”

”Okay, I’m not mad.”

”And, let’s not tell anyone until we’re certain,” I said knowing he wouldn’t like that idea.

“Ahh, Dirb…” he hesitated. “Okay, fine.” He hugged and kissed me and then went about putting on his pajamas. We crawled into bed and Zac held me.

“Wanna know who else is pregnant?” Zac asked in a whisper.

“Sure,” I said even though I knew the answer.

“Jessie, can you believe that? She’s like a female Taylor and I can’t believe some guy had the audacity to do my sister. But, she’s about five months along.”

“Number one, some guy didn’t do your sister, Chris, the guy that Jess loves had sex with her, and number two I already knew,” I said turning my head to face Zac.

“How’d you know? She barely shows at all with the clothes she’s wearing.”

”I’m a woman Zac, even if you haven’t figured that out yet, but we just know. I could tell when I first moved in with you, that night we had dinner with your mom and dad and she was there with Chris.”

“Dirbee, she was only about a month pregnant then,” Zac said talking to me like I was dumb.

“I know, but she had that glow. I bet your mom’s already noticed about me, see how that works?”

”Fine whatever, go to sleep Dirb, we have a long day tomorrow, and by the way, I noticed you were a woman a long time ago, that’s why I like you so much,” Zac laughed as he pulled me in closer to his warm body.”

“Thanks Zac,” I laughed. “Good-night, I love you.”

”I love you too, baby.” We kissed and almost immediately fell asleep.

As soon as we had gotten back to the states, Zac made me retreat to the bathroom and take a home pregnancy test. It read that I was, in fact, pregnant. So, we called the same doctor that Jessie was going to and Natalie and Alyssa had gone to and set up an appointment.

Just to make sure that everything was all right, because I was very nervous about my ability to have children. After we had our doctor’s appointment and learned that everything was going as it should, we announced our news to our families; to Zac’s family in person and to my dad and Meredith over the phone.

During the next two months the guys began to plan a full scale tour playing the music on the new album.

It was beginning to get cold in Tulsa, that wasn’t very unusual, but they were calling for a snow storm that was bigger than they had seen in a very long time. Zac joked that I had brought the snow with me.

It was getting close to Christmas and Zac and I were very excited about spending our first Christmas together with me being pregnant. I was only about four months along, but the people close to me could tell that I was pregnant.

My due date was set for April 29th and Zac and I were very excited about that as well, only for some reason we hadn’t given our child a name yet.

Finally, it was Christmas Eve. Me and Zac put presents for each other out underneath the tree in our somewhat decorated apartment.

Then it happened…

We were drinking hot drinks by the window watching the snow as it peacefully fell to the ground. Our lights flickered and we heard a loud noise like a big machine was shutting down. Then it started to get cold, fast.

Our heat had failed and I started to shiver, I got up and put on my favorite sweatshirt and wrapped a thick blanket around myself. Zac made sure that I was okay and then he picked up the phone. He dialed the emergency pager number for the apartment buildings.

“Ahh, yes, this is Zac Hanson in apartment 17A. Our heat just died; do you think that you could send someone up here pretty fast?” Zac stopped to listen, an angry expression suddenly appeared on his face and when he spoke his voice mocked that anger. “What do you mean you can’t come up until the 26th? My wife is pregnant and it’s freezing, you have to come up now!” Zac almost yelled.

“Fine!” Zac said and hung up. He turned and looked at me. “I’m sorry honey,” he said and now the expression his features held was sadness and I felt sorry for him instead of myself, even though my teeth were chattering.

“It’s okay, come here,” I said opening up the blanket for Zac to join me. He always made me feel warm.

He willingly came, but he brought the phone with him. I don’t know what made him make that call, but I guess you can’t change the past and the next thing I knew, Zac was dialing Taylor’s number.

“Hey Tay, what’s up?” Zac asked his brother on the other end of the phone.

“Oh, hey Zac, not much man, how about you?” I heard Taylor say through the phone.

“Well, actually, our heater just broke and the super won’t come up to fix it, so I’m thinking about driving out to your place. Is that alright?”

“Yeah, but how about I come and get you. My truck has four-wheel drive.”

“Okay Tay, that’s fine.”

”Oh, and Zac, you and Dirb pack a bag and just stay however long you have to.”

“Thanks, they said they would fix it on the 26th.”

”That’s fine. I’ll be there in about an hour.”

”Alright, thanks see you,” Zac said and hung up.

In the next half hour Zac and I were packed and back bundled up cuddling under blankets on the couch.

Nearly two hours later after we had begun to worry we got a phone call and Zac answered it hurriedly.

“Hello?”

”Zac, please don’t panic,” came Mrs. Hanson’s voice.

“Mom, what happened?”

”Zachary, before I tell you anything I want you to think of Dirbee's safety.”

”Okay, mom what happened?” Zac said a little calmer.

“Taylor’s been in an accident, it was nothing serious, just a bump or two, but he bled pretty profusely when his head hit the steering wheel. They’re checking for cancer. He wants you to come on down, we’re all already down here at the hospital. So, get in you car with Dirbee and drive slow. Come on,” Mrs. Hanson finished.

“Okay mom,” Zac obeyed. “Bye.”

They hung up; Zac took my hand and led me out to the car for some reason he grabbed our bag too. He then go in himself and did just as his mother said. The twenty minute drive to the hospital took us forty minutes and then we finally were able to go up and wait on Taylor.

“Dad, what happened?” Zac said as soon as we got up to the waiting room.

“Taylor was coming to get you two and his truck spun out and he hit pole. He was conscience just long enough to call 911 and he them he was in a wreck. They’ve been running tests for the past hour,” Mr. Hanson told us.

“I feel so bad,” I said.

“Don’t,” Natalie said coming up to me and putting my left hand in her right hand. “He would’ve come and gotten you no matter what.”

”I’m sorry Nat,” I said with a tear sliding down my cheek.

“Dirbee, stop that, he’ll be fine,” Natalie said wiping away my tear.

About ten minutes later the doctor said we could go in and see Taylor, it would just be a while for the tests to come back.

As soon as we got in there Zac starting apologizing to Taylor; he said that there was no need, so we began to visit, trying to forget about what had happened.

They let me sit down in one of the chairs, while Natalie occupied the other one, and about five minutes into our visit I got a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. It wasn’t a feeling that I had never felt before, just a feeling that I shouldn't have been feeling right then.

So, I excused myself to the bathroom. After I shut the door I pulled down my pants to use the bathroom. What I saw made me go limp and I had to clutch onto the back of the toilet in order to keep myself standing.

My underwear was filled with blood and my stomach immediately began to cramp up.

“Zac! Help me!” I yelled out. I heard a commotion in the next room and in just a second Zac had run into the bathroom. When he walked in all he did was stop and look at me like he couldn’t figure out what to do. Finally he spoke when he realized there were tears streaming down my face.

“Oh my god, Dirbee,” he came over and hugged me. Then he pulled up my pants and dragged me out of the room by my hand.

“Mom, come with us,” Zac simply said and Mrs. Hanson immediately got up and walked with us. All I could do was follow Zac while I clutched at my stomach.

When we got out into the hall and the door had shut separating us from the group, Mrs. Hanson took Zac’s other hand that was free and asked him what happened.

“I think that Dirbee just had a miscarriage,” Zac said sadly to his mother.

“Oh, Dirbee,” she stopped and walked over to the desk on Taylor’s floor. Somehow she got us checked in and got Dr. Lanterby, the obstetrician, down to the hospital.

I didn’t know what was going on; the cramps in my stomach were so bad that I was delirious. I guess that I was also in shock. I was running a fever and I would sometimes vomit, but I know that Zac stayed beside my bed the whole time holding my hand. When I came out of the shock and my fever had come down, I began to realize where I was. Zac was lying beside me, asleep, but as soon as I moved he woke up and asked me how I was doing.

He told me that I had slept through Christmas and I had, in fact, had a miscarriage. The doctor came in just shortly after that.

“Good morning Dirbee. It’s nice to see you awake,” Dr. Calbert, the attending physician, said to me. I just groaned in return.

She explained to me what my body had been doing the past thirty-six hours and I couldn’t believe these doctors were prepared for something like this.

“I believe your miscarriage was due to a heightened level of stress in your life. Maybe you should work on bringing it down,” the doctor informed me.

For some reason I no longer felt sadness, I felt anger. Anger towards the doctor, Zac, myself, the world, and I just let it all burst out.

“Bring down my stress level?!” I yelled and the monitor next to me that had been beeping steadily began to beep at a faster pace. “Bring down my stress level, I can barely get my career off of the ground, I have to stand by and watch while Taylor and Isaac prance all over Zac’s career.

“My best friend and closest thing I have to a sister is too controlled by her parents to be her own person. My other best friend is a drug addict, alcoholic and will probably kill herself before she’s seen a legal age.

“My dad lives too far away, but is too obsessed with no change that he would never move somewhere closer to me. My mom died when I was sixteen and that made me crazy, but what happens? Zac comes along and saves me and we get married. Then I get pregnant, but the baby says ‘Hell, I don’t’ want her as a mother’ and after just four months it decides to leave me.

“My brother-in-law is lying a floor up from here and we’re all waiting to know whether or not he has cancer. Which he’s already dealt with once. This is my life and if the kid couldn’t handle it, then too bad. We move on and get over things. Bring down my stress level? Not happening, sorry,” I finished with a deep breath and I realized how tight Zac’s grip was on my hand.

“I’m sorry Dirbee; I did not mean to offend you in any way. You’re not going to want to have sex for at least six weeks or you could get a very bad infection. I’ll come back and check on you later.” At that she walked out of the room and I turned towards Zac.

“I’m so sorry; I didn’t mean to spill all like that, it’s just that she made me so mad.”

“Dirbee, you just told her every family problem that we have. She could go out there right now and tell all those camera men who are standing in the hall, because they know there’s a Hanson in the hospital and they want to know who,” Zac said standing up and crossing the room to the window. His voice was very angry.

“Zac, I’m sorry, please come back. Don’t leave my side,” I suddenly felt alone and I felt a panic attack coming on. Zac didn’t know that I had those.

“No, Dirbee. I’m not there to your every beck and call,” his voice rose. I felt my body begin to shake and I felt disoriented, I head my pulse once again quicken.

“Zac… Please,” I said hoarsely.

“No…”

”Zac, in my purse, there’s one prescription. I need it, please,” I said in words that were hardly audible.

Zac turned and looked at me and knew what I was having. He had told me once that Taylor had the same thing.

He got into my bad and found the orange bottle labeled Dirbee Baxter and read it. He popped one of the pills in my mouth and then helped me swallow some water. After I could feel the panic subsiding I moved over so that Zac could sit down next to me, when he did he leaned over and kissed my forehead.

“Please don’t ever leave me again, I don’t know what I’d do without you,” I said weakly.

“I promise baby,” Zac said holding my hand. Just then a knock came at the door and Mrs. Hanson poked her head in.

“Can we all come in?”

“Sure,” I said kind of smiling. I tried to prop myself up, but found it very painful and Zac helped me. The family filtered in and lastly Natalie pushed Taylor in, in a wheelchair.

“Hey Dirbee,” everyone said at scattered times.

“Hey,” I replied sounding about as weak as I felt.

“How’re you feeling?” Taylor asked.

”Okay, I guess,” I replied. “How’re you feeling?”

”I’m fine, the cancer didn’t come back. I just hate those stupid tests,” Taylor said laughing and then that turning into a cough.

“Tay, I’m so sorry about making you come out like that,” I apologized.

“No, don’t be. Everything happens for a reason. If I hadn’t come out and hit that light pole then you two wouldn’t have already been at the hospital when all this happened,” Taylor told us with a smile.

“Thanks Taylor,” I said smiling back.

Everyone told me they were sorry and then they left because I was beginning to feel tired.

“Zac, I’m bleeding, aren’t I?” I asked, because it felt like I was.

“Yeah, they said it was basically like you had just went back to normal life again and now you’re on your period,” he said.

I just bowed my head. I couldn't believe that I had lost my first child on Christmas.

“It’s okay Dirb, you’ll be out of here in three days and I’ve got a surprise for you,” Zac reassured me as he laid down next to me on the bed.

“Okay, thanks… Zac?”

”Yeah?”

“I’m sorry I killed your son,” I apologized.

“It was a boy?” How did you know that?”

“I had an ultrasound and they told me, but I wanted to tell you over a special dinner or something… I’m so sorry,” I told him as tears began to stream down my face.

“No, honey, don’t worry. You didn’t kill him. He just wasn’t meant to be in this world. Don’t fret yourself, please, just let him go. I’m here for you,” Zac finished and kissed my cheek.

I muttered a thanks and Zac laid his head back down on my pillow.

Three days later both Taylor and I were released from the hospital, hospital security helped the family out and kept the media from taking pictures. Zac and I got in our car to go home, but we didn’t head home.

We followed Isaac and Alyssa’s car all the way to the private lane where both their and Taylor and Natalie’s houses were located.

“Oh, Zac. I’m not much in the mood for visiting. I just want to go home,” I whined.

“We’re not visiting anyone, don’t worry,” Zac answered my pitch patiently.

He drove past Taylor’s house, which was the last house on the lane and drove onto a newly formed past of the path. When we reached our destination Zac come around and helped me out of the car. He led me up a gravel driveway and to a newly laid concrete foundation of a house.

“Zac, I’m confused,” I simply said.

“Dirb, you’re looking at our new house.”

”You’re having us a house built!” I nearly yelled. I made myself light headed and I almost fell down, but Zac caught me and helped me back to the car.

I laid my head back on the head rest and then turned to look at Zac.

“I know you hate our apartment and I know you’ve always wanted a house of your own. That’s the main reason you wanted to get out of Virginia, because you hated that apartment that you and your dad lived in,” Zac said taking hold of my hand.

“Thank you baby. I love you so much,” I told Zac.

“I love you too Dirbee,” Zac said leaning over and kissing me.

He started up the Honda and backed up until he reached Taylor’s driveway then he turned around. We went back to our apartment, one less person than we had left, but we weren’t going to let it bring us down.

We opened each other’s Christmas gifts and then settled into bed.

It took the builders about two months to build the house. Amazingly. I don’t know whether it was because Zac and Mr. and Mrs. Hanson were paying them very well or it was because I went over just about everyday and bugged them.

The house was done and everyone began to help us move in on February 2nd. We had to rush to move in though because the guys were getting ready to go on their full-scale tour.

Over the past two months I had been working night and ay on my album. Zac hated it, he teased me and said that I spent more time with Taylor than I did with him, because I went over to his house to get his help most of the time.

Finally my album was done and I was releasing it on 3CG Records, Hanson’s recording label. The only reason I was going on this tour with them was to promote my own album by opening up for their concerts. The album was called, “Dirbee, Don’t Take Today.” The first song on it was a duet sung by Zac and I, which we also wrote together. It was the song for our little boy. It was called “God’s Arms,” and the chorus was:

”I know this world wasn’t perfect
For someone as perfect as you.
But, we know God welcomed you
Whole-hearted
So, please be safe and wait for us there
In God’s arms.
I will never understand
But, I know that you always knew
So, please be safe and wait for us there
In God’s arms.”

We never played that song live because each time we sang it both Zac and I cried. The last song on the album was the version of “With You in Your Dreams,” that we had sung at me and Zac’s wedding. Isaac and Taylor were more than willing to play and sing on my record.

We toured and set the date for the release of the guys’ new album to be April 20th. They only toured through February and the very beginning of March and for the rest of March we all tried to get back the sleep we had missed.

As soon as we had gotten back from the tour Zac and I began talking about trying to have another child. We talked about it all March and then on my birthday Zac threw me a surprise birthday party at the old house.

That night we had sex for the first time since I had gotten pregnant. I had missed it and I could tell that Zac had missed it too.

The next morning I woke up early, like three o’clock AM early. I felt strange; I got up fast out of bed and went to the bathroom. As I turned on the light I felt sick. I pulled up the toilet seat lid and almost instantly got sick. Zac heard me and ran in.

“Dirbee, what’s wrong?” he said not knowing what to do.

“I don’t know,” I said almost angrily. My whole body was sore and it hurt when my stomach contracted to vomit. “Oh no,” I whispered after I was sure I was done getting sick. I brushed my teeth and walked downstairs into the living room.

“What Dirb?” Zac kept saying. I turned to look at him.

“Zac hold me,” I said growing feint. He wrapped his arms around me and we sat down on the couch. I put my socked feet upon the coffee table and I pulled extra large t-shirt of Zac’s that I was wearing over my knees, almost like I wanted it to hold me too. I looked at Zac; his brown eyes were just staring into mine.

“What if I’m pregnant again?” I said softly as tears began to flood my eyes.

“Oh Dirbee, honey, I’m sorry,” Zac said hugging me tighter.

“No Zac, don’t be. I should be a better wife. I should give you children and be able to make love to you without it hurting like hell, but no it’s almost like I’m fifteen again. I’m awful to you and you’ve given me everything. I hate this Zac,” I paused and a tear slid down my cheek. “I should be the one always apologizing.”

”No, Dirbee, you’re a great. You gave me your love and that’s all that I need. I can live without the sex and without children just as long as I have you. But, what if you are pregnant. That’s the best news I’ve heard in a while. We’ll just do whatever we can to keep you healthy and what not and then have this baby,” Zac said smiling at me.

“Zac, what if I am pregnant and I actually have this baby it’s a girl. Will you always have some sort of resentment in your heart that she’s not the son you could’ve had?” I questioned.

“Yes,” Zac answered truthfully.

“Will that make you love her less?”

“No! Of course not!” Zac said amazed that I would ask something like that. “Come on, let’s go back to bed,” Zac said simply and I willingly followed him up the stairs and into the master bedroom of our new and much loved house.

The month passed slowly and finally the date for the release of their new album, Underneath arrived. They had a release party at Hanson Hall and only invited people who were welcomed. There were an immense amount of reporters in the hall from places like E! and Entertainment Tonight.

They of course played a few songs from the album so that meant that I was introduced and allowed to sing before the guys. After they had sang and the albums started being sold, Taylor got a microphone and got up on stage.

I happened to glance at Natalie and she was silently crying. I nudged Zac and he looked and we refocused our attention on Taylor. He cleared his throat and all of the cameras in the room panned on him.

“It has been a great ride with all you guys,” Taylor said to everyone, but he wouldn’t take his eyes off of Natalie. “I owe twenty-one years of my life to my mom and dad, brothers and sisters who’ve been there with me through all of those years. But, tonight I have some very sinister news to share with my family and the world.

“About a year ago I was diagnosed with leukemia, cancer. But, to my benefit, it went into remission. All though I’ve had to go in for check-up’s every two months. Last month I went in for that routine check-up and they found another strand of cancer in my blood.

“They’ve given me two years to live with chemo, but without it, who knows if I’ll live six months. I’ve decided to take the two years and give the world as much music as I can muster before I have to leave. Thank you for listening so well,” Taylor finished and stepped off the platform and the whole family came running towards him.

“Taylor how could you not tell us?” came a number of voices. I just sat down on the platform and rubbed my temples; I was getting a migraine and my doctor wouldn’t let me take any medicines. They were taking every precaution with this pregnancy. Zac sat on my left and rubbed the back of my neck and Taylor startled me by sitting on my right. I just looked at him

“Well…” I said angrily at him.

“Well, what?” Taylor asked disregarding my anger; he had always been really good at that.

“What if I’m actually able to have this baby and when it gets older it wants to meet its Uncle Taylor that it’s always hearing so much about. What do Zac and I do then?” I said as a tear slid down my cheek.

“What? You’re pregnant?” Taylor asked quietly.

“Yeah, found out last month, but we’re not telling anyone until this month,” Zac said looking at Taylor.

“How could you keep something that important from us, you know we all want to hear. How could you?”

“Mm-hmm,” I cleared my throat, “Hypocrite,” I said lowly.

“Oh sorry,” Taylor said.

“We can keep it a secret because nothing’s dying so people have plenty of time to get used to the idea. But, you on the other hand…,” Zac said, but cut off; he didn’t want to think about Taylor dying.

Just then Jessie walked over with her three month old son, Alexander. I could se her boyfriend Chris across the room talking to Isaac. Chris and Jessie had moved into me and Zac’s old apartment and were planning to get married. Mr. and Mrs. Hanson wanted them to be as grown up as possible with the baby.

“What’re you guys whispering about?” Jessie asked probably just wanting to talk to her brothers again.

“Oh nothing Jess, we’re just arguing again,” Zac said.

All I could do was look enviously at her and her baby. Her blonde hair fell over her shoulder and her blue eyes were cold, but soft. She looked exactly like Taylor.

“Can I hold him?” I asked softly.

“Yeah, sure. I need a break, Chris’s so afraid that he’s going to drop him that I mostly carry him around, my back’s killing me,” Jessie said handing me Lex. I took the baby in my arms and he stretched and yawned, then looked at me.

I blinked back a few tears. Then spoke to the baby in a childish way. Jess just looked on and pulled her hair back, now she looked like Taylor during the Middle of Nowhere days. Zac put his arms around me and kissed me lightly on the cheek.

“Jess, he’s beautiful, he looks just like you,” Zac said while I busied myself with the baby.

“Thanks Zac, I‘m glad I look like a really handsome man,” Jess said looking at Taylor.

“Than this boy is going to be a really good-looking woman catcher,” Taylor said.

“Whoa, don’t even joke. He’s not getting himself into the predicament we both got ourselves into,” Jessie laughed.

“Guys, hold up don’t make him a teenager with hormones yet. Let’s let him be a kid first then work out his own predicaments like you both did,” Zac said laughing at both Jess and Taylor.

Before long all of the Hanson siblings had come up talking, laughing, and reminiscing. I didn’t feel welcome so I gave Lex back to Jessie and walked out to my and Zac’s car.

I turned on the radio and almost immediately heard Taylor’s voice. His speech at the party had already made the news. I didn’t want to hear it again so I cut it off and just sat in the dark car in silence.

About half an hour later Zac opened the passenger side door and got in.

“Geez baby, you scared me half to death,” I said my heart rate faster than normal.

“I saw how you looked at Lex, I know how bad you need this baby,” Zac said not even looking at me.

“Zac, all I need is you. If I, we can’t have this baby then we’ll just try again. If we can’t have children I’ll be completely satisfied in this life with just you,” I said not looking at Zac either.

“Is that true? Or will there always be a hole in your heart that was meant to be filled by these children that I will never be able to fill?”

”You’re right Zac, but it isn’t a very large hole and I’m sure it’ll be just one more jut in the road that I can dig myself out of.”

“You won’t be digging yourself out of this hole Dirbee, I’ll be pulling you out,” he said putting his finger under my chin and turning my head so that I was facing him.

“I promise.”

”Thanks Zac, I love you so very much,” I said and I leaned over and kissed him.

We decided that we wanted to go home so Zac went inside to tell everyone that we were leaving. It was late and completely dark so I couldn’t see anything, but I heard someone say my name. It sounded like Zac so I got out of the car so he could drive.

Someone grabbed me from behind around my stomach, hard and I immediately knew it wasn’t Zac.

“What do you want?” I said softly, stuttering.

“You got Zac so you must have some special quality. I’ve been trying to rule then out. You’re pretty, but Zac doesn’t go for looks so now I’m gonna see if it’s the sex,” the man said and his intentions raced to my mind.

I tried to register his voice, but the only thing that was familiar about him was his cologne. But, the only thoughts I kept focusing on were about Zac and the baby that I was now pregnant with. The man behind me get his tight grip on me and he didn’t let me see his face, then he began to push me towards the dense patch of trees.

I did not fight back; I wanted him to trust that I wasn’t going to scream. Sure enough, he began to rip at my skirt, and the one night I had to wear a skirt.

The demon of a man began to rape me, but I did not fight back, I did not want him to hurt me, all I did was pray. Finally, my prayers were answered. I heard Zac come out the building, walk across the parking lot towards our car, and then I saw the overhead light come on through the trees. Then Zac said my name softly, but the light wind carried it through the trees so I could hear it. This was the moment that I had been waiting for.

“Get off me you bastard! I’m pregnant!” I screamed at the stranger.

“Oh my god, Dirbee, I’m sorry,” when he said this I could smell hard liquor on his breath and I immediately knew who he was. I heard Zac come running through the trees. The man sat back on his heals and covered himself up.

Zac ran up to me and pulled me up off of the ground, he pulled my shaking body to his and all I could do was try to hide myself in his arms. I felt so safe there. Zac turned slowly from me to my attacker.

“Micah!” Zac yelled at the band’s roadie.

“Zac, I’m sorry,” Micah said to his boss.

“No, don’t be… yet. I’m going to make you sorry,” Zac said angrily balling up his fist.

“Zac don’t he’s drunk. In the morning he won’t even remember,” I said intruding. “We’ll just fire him and file a report against him, that’s enough besides chancing you getting hurt tonight too.”

”Thank you Dirbee,” Micah blurted.

“Don’t you speak to me you pig!” I said disgusted.

“Fine, let’s go Dirbee,” Zac said holding my hand.

“Nice seeing you again and I figured out what that one thing was,” Micah said touching my butt.

I turned sharply.

“Don’t you even think about doing a thing like looking at me again, much less touch me,” I said as I slapped him.

I turned towards Zac and we walked out of the trees towards our car. He drove us home.

That whole night I was shaking too bad to do anything for myself. Zac had to make me a mug of tea and he put my pajama’s on and he even brushed my teeth.

That night I slept restlessly, tossing and turning because I was dreaming about Micah and the baby that I had lost. Each time I dreamt I would wake up screaming. Zac would wake up too and just hold me until I fell asleep again.

The next week was like that until finally both Zac and I had a full nights sleep and after that the dreams stopped.

About a month later Zac announced that he had a surprise for me, because he wanted to see my smile and he didn’t want me to be stressed out coming up on my fourth month of pregnancy.

I was excited and finally the day come where I would get my present. The doorbell rang and I ran to get it. Meredith, my best friend from Virginia, was standing there with a lot of luggage.

“Zac’s invited me to move in! Surprise!” Meredith said smiling really big.

I about screamed and I hugged her. I called Zac and it took all three of us to carry in her luggage. She was going to be living in the basement, but it’s not as bad as it sounds, our basement was like an apartment in itself. Meredith would have a place of her own to retreat when Zac and I’s married life got her down.

But, other than that, the one thing we had always talked about had come true. We were finally roommates in a sense. That night I made dinner for my husband and best friend, Zac was smiling because I was smiling. Meredith’s toast at our wedding was right. Only him and her could make me happy and it seemed that here lately it took both of them.

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