Vampirism...accidentally...I just happened onto writing this poem. I never planned to write it...of course, I haven't planned on writing all that many of them. I guess what I mean is that I didn't plan on writing a poem like this and have it turn out to be vampirism. I had a completely different mindset when I was writing it. Believe it or not I had hoped it would turn out a positive poem about rain (in honor of my father -- he loves poems about rain), but the rain eventually became a negative aspect of the poem. It beats me down into the ground, and I embrace my new world beneath the surface of the dirt. That's what it was...nothing more. Just a poem about being beaten down and killed in the world's sense of the word. In the mortal's sense of the word. Then I read it after I was done and it hit me that it sounded like vampirism...but I didn't want it to be about vampirism...I wanted it to be original in every sense of the word. I wanted it to be mine...my ideas...but it was about becoming a vampire. Plain and simple. I accidentally wrote a poem about vampires and the bliss of being such.

It became more obvious when my father read it and that was the first thing that he said, "Vampires?"...I kind of paused...I couldn't believe that he thought the same thing...so I still denied it. Well, I didn't deny it, but I was like, "Well, I didn't plan on that, but..."

I accepted it when my good friend Renee read it too. She also said it was vampires...then I knew...it was and is. I wrote a poem about vampires and didn't mean to...for that reason (along with the fact that I love the way it's written and flows) it is one of my favorites. The fact that I was led into writing it by some other force...it's very scary in some senses.

And the background image is an altered sketch of Spawn by Ashley Wood.

“This Bliss”

by Joshua Utter
9/21-22/99

As the cold rain falls and beats my face
I hate the world and all of it's lies
I watch the rain descend from swollen skies
And moisten my dead skin covered with age-old lace

My eyelids outweigh the will to keep them open
In my mind the rain turns from cold to colder still
The downfall that seemed harmless now is meant to kill
I sheild myself from the bullets of a black sky

Hoping...

Hoping that I am sick beneath this land of life
Into a crack where love and life are replaced with hate and strife
Where I will be king and all the world my wife
And the last thing I'll find in my back is a knife

It is now that I descend...

I descend farther than the rain into a frozen void
Whre my feelings become my most frightening fears
My sweat becomes my blood and dirt becomes my tears
Where suffering is hoped for and pain is enjoyed

Deeper in the darkened hole of myself I sink
Where the hated sun's light knows better than to shine
Where the feet at which the devils bow are mine
Where it's the rose-red blood of innocents I drink

In this empty abyss I see all humankind
They laugh; they cry; they love; they die; they dream; they kill
They envy my emotionlessness and always will
And know this bliss is something they can never find

This bliss, this bliss
Like a lover's kiss
This bliss, this bliss
Is all that I'll miss

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