It has come to my attention that many people are obsessed with the idea that, if such a thing as a sasquatch exists, one would have been hit by a car by now. despite my constant arguing to the contrary, no one seems to understand that a car hitting a sasquatch would have the same result as a car hitting a telephone pole. the only way one would be killed is if a semi driver hit every pedestrian crossing the road and hoping that sooner or later one would be a sasquatch. so....

Cryptodominion-band bumper sticker slogans!

"Prove Sasquatch's Existence, Hire More Redneck Truck-drivers"

"Prove Sasquatch's Existence, Hire Erik Beckjord as a Truck Driver"

"Beckjord for Secretary of Defense! 'Bomb them all with Spam!' "

" 'Th' docter sais I ain't quite right in th' head.' <-- perfect resumé for truck-driving sasquatch hunter."

"That man looks like Grover Krantz! *smack* And that looks like John Bindernagel! *clunk* And that one looks like LOREN COLEMAN! *smack, screech, back up, run over repeatedly* <-- Erik Bekjord on his holy mission"

"When you see Erik Bekjord's face in a taco, you know the end is near"

"End gang violence; tell Erik Bekjord that gangs are loosely-organized sasquatch colonies, then put him behind the wheel of a semi."