Remember After Dinner? written by joy waller Characters: JULIA ~ a teenage girl BOBBY ~ her brother DANNY ~ her boyfriend GRAMMA ~ her grandmother Setting: A living room. Late 1960’s. There is a comfortable couch at centre stage. At stage right there is a bookshelf filled with cookbooks. There is a spice rack atop the bookshelf. Also you might want a coffee table, some chairs, a throw rug, things like that. Whatever makes it look more like a living room. [Lights come up on JULIA and her GRAMMA. GRAMMA is sitting in the couch, knitting. JULIA is perched comfortably on one of the arms.] JULIA: My life, in a nutshell: Arsenic. Fire. Little kittens named Blue. GRAMMA: Shut up, Julia. There’s people watching. JULIA: People have been watching all of my life, Gramma. I just didn’t see them until now. GRAMMA: Stop talking nonsense. They’ll hear you, and then we’ll have to go through the whole ordeal again. JULIA: I thought you said there was no ordeal. I thought it was all my imagination, Gramma. GRAMMA: It is, dear. But the emotions are real enough. JULIA: Then let’s go through it again. Just one more time. Please? GRAMMA: I forbid it. JULIA: But it’s fun. GRAMMA: Fun? I hardly think so. Why, how could what happened to your brother Bobby be considered -- JULIA: Oh, I don’t know, Gramma. I found it rather entertaining the first time round. GRAMMA: Evil child! He’d turn in his grave if he heard that. Your mother, too. JULIA: You’re giving away all the secrets! GRAMMA: I’m giving away nothing. If you think I’m going to allow you to continue with this nonsense you’re crazier than I thought. Go to your room. Elizabeth will call you once she’s prepared your lunch. JULIA: I don’t feel like lunch today. And I don’t feel like being alone, either .. Let me stay here, Gramma. With you. GRAMMA: [lovingly] You can be a charming child when you try. JULIA: Do you love me when I’m charming? GRAMMA: Yes. JULIA: I don’t. GRAMMA: You’ve always been a contrary child. JULIA: Do you love me when I’m contrary? GRAMMA: I love you when you’re quiet. JULIA: So much for unconditional. GRAMMA: Whoever said anything about unconditional? JULIA: I changed my mind. I do want to be alone. You go to your room. GRAMMA: I will not be ordered about like a child, Julia. JULIA: Now you know how I feel. GRAMMA: There’s a difference. You are a child. JULIA: But I don’t look like it. Come on, admit it, I look ... twenty, at least. Would you say I look twenty? Maybe twenty-one? GRAMMA: I think I’m going to be ill. I’m leaving you now, to take my nap. JULIA: I won! GRAMMA: You did nothing of the sort. I’m simply tired. Good afternoon, Julia. [exits] JULIA: Good afternoon, Gramma. Oh and Gramma, be sure and tell Elizabeth not to bring my lunch! I’ve decided to become anorexic and I’m not going to eat lunch today. Okay? [beat] Okay? [there is no answer] “A contrary child.” Is that all. “I love you when you’re quiet.” [JULIA crosses to the bookshelf stage right. She picks up a salt shaker from the spice rack and sprinkles a little salt onto her hand. Licks it.] JULIA: No lunch today, Elizabeth. I’ve decided to become anorexic. [Enter Bobby.] JULIA: Bobby! You’re back! How nice. BOBBY: I’m not back, Julia. You know I’m dead. JULIA: Yes. Yes I do know that. [JULIA calmly returns the salt shaker to the rack and crosses to centre stage.] BOBBY: Well .. Aren’t you even going to say hello? JULIA: Hello, Bobby. [slowly circles him] You look just the same. BOBBY: So do you. My pretty kid sister. JULIA: Why do you keep looking around like that? No one’s going to see you. Gramma’s gone for her nap and Elizabeth won’t come. BOBBY: It’s not that. It’s Mother. JULIA: Mama! Is she here, too? BOBBY: No, she isn’t. But she knows I am. [lowly] And I’m not supposed to be here. JULIA: Why not? BOBBY: You know how Gramma is about the whole “ordeal.” JULIA: Ah. Yes. BOBBY: She’s warned me not to come. So has Mama. But I’m here anyway. JULIA: Why? BOBBY: Why? JULIA: Why did you come? BOBBY: I needed to ask you something. JULIA: Okay. Ask me! BOBBY: It’s not that simple. JULIA: You’re being annoying. BOBBY: I’m sorry, Julia. Really, I’m sorry. But you have no idea how hard it is. JULIA: How hard what is? BOBBY: Being ... JULIA: What? BOBBY: Not! Being not. I’m not. I hate it. JULIA: I’m sorry. [beat] Sorry, Bobby. [beat] Bobby? BOBBY: What. JULIA: I said I was sorry! You’re supposed to say, “That’s okay, Julia, it wasn’t your fault.” BOBBY: But -- JULIA: But what? BOBBY: Nothing. JULIA: But what, Bobby? But, “It was your fault?” Is that it? BOBBY: No! JULIA: Yes, it is! I can tell by the look in your eyes. BOBBY: I don’t have eyes anymore. JULIA: You do so. I can see them. BOBBY: But they’re not really there. Can you touch them? [JULIA reaches forward her hand] Wait! Don’t. JULIA: I’m sorry. [beat] Sorry, Bobby. [significant pause] Well. What did you want to ask me? BOBBY: It’s hard. JULIA: I’ll wait. Take your time. Work up to it. BOBBY: [pacing] Do you remember Danny Turner? JULIA: Of course. Of course I remember Danny. [Music up -- Simon and Garfunkel’s “Scarborough Fair.” Enter DANNY. BOBBY freezes.] DANNY: Uh .. Would you, uh ... Like to dance? JULIA: Have we met? DANNY: I’m Danny. Danny Turner. JULIA: You’re my brother’s friend. DANNY: [relaxing] Yes! Yes, I am. JULIA: You’re probably a lot older than me then. DANNY: Not much. Not much at all. What’s five years? JULIA: Not much at all. [they dance] So ... What has my big brother told you about me? DANNY: He said you’re smart, that you have a wonderful mind. He said you’re going to be a doctor. JULIA: Really?! He told you that? DANNY: Yes ... He’s thinks you’re heaps smarter than him. JULIA: He’s just shy. DANNY: He just loves his kid sister. JULIA: Yes. DANNY: He’s very lucky. I wish I had a sister. Or even a brother, for that matter. JULIA: It’s just you and your parents? DANNY: No, just me and my mom. My dad’s dead. We’ve got this huge house, all to ourselves. A big field out back, too. Do you like horses? JULIA: I love horses! DANNY: We have 2 of them. JULIA: Oh, that must be wonderful. DANNY: How would you like come up some Saturday, and go riding? JULIA: Do you mean it? DANNY: Yeah, sure I mean it. How ‘bout this Saturday? [dance ends -- music down] JULIA: I’ll have to ask Mama ... DANNY: She’ll say it’s okay. JULIA: Do you think? DANNY: Yes. JULIA: Well ... Okay, then. Saturday. DANNY: See you Saturday, Julia ... JULIA: Saturday ... [he exits.] Of course. Of course I remember Danny. [beat] Why? Why did you want to know? BOBBY: Well ... I was just thinking. It must have been hard on you. Having your first boyfriend die like that. JULIA: It was hard. BOBBY: How did it happen? JULIA: You know how it happened. It was in the papers! Everybody knows. BOBBY: I’ve forgotten. JULIA: You’re a liar! It’s impossible to forget. BOBBY: TELL ME, JULIA! JULIA: Okay! Okay. He died of -- GRAMMA: [off] Julia, who are you speaking to? JULIA: [panicked] Nobody Gramma, go back to sleep! He died of food poisoning. Are you happy? His food was poisoned, and he died. BOBBY: And you were with him. JULIA: Yes. Yes I was. It was his birthday. Why would I not be with him? We had a date. BOBBY: At his house. JULIA: Yes. His mother was gone for the evening. [enter DANNY, behind JULIA] We went riding, and then we had dinner ... DANNY: Julia, that was delicious. [they sit on the couch as BOBBY freezes] I’ve never had roast beef that tasted quite like that. What sort of seasoning did you use? JULIA: A little of this, a little of that. Parsley, sage ... DANNY: Rosemary ... JULIA and DANNY: And thyme. [meaningful pause] DANNY: You never told me you could cook. JULIA: Mama taught me how when I was a little girl. She said I’d never find a husband if I couldn’t cook. DANNY: Your mama sounds like a smart woman. JULIA: Not that smart. Because I plan on marrying a cook. DANNY: So you’re not going to marry me? JULIA: I might ... If you learned how to cook. DANNY: Teach me. JULIA: Next Saturday? DANNY: Okay. [He kisses her. It is hesitant -- a first kiss. She pushes him away] DANNY: What? JULIA: You shouldn’t do that. DANNY: Do what? JULIA: What you just did. You can get germs. DANNY: [unbelieving] You’re scared of catching germs from kissing me? JULIA: Yes. DANNY: Well. I’m sorry. JULIA: Good. DANNY: Julia I -- [She gives him a look. He had been about to touch her; he freezes with his hand poised inches from her face.] JULIA: [without moving an inch] Why do you want me to tell you this. BOBBY: There’s too many loose ends, Julia. Can’t you see that? Too many things the newspapers didn’t explain. Too many details the cops didn’t go into. Too many bodies in the graveyard, don’t you see that? JULIA: Don’t yell at me! You’ll wake Gramma. BOBBY: [tightly] Mustn’t wake Gramma. JULIA: Do you want me to go on, or not. BOBBY: Yes. JULIA: I can’t. BOBBY: Do it, Julia. JULIA: [deep breath] I should be going home. DANNY: No, don’t go. I’m sorry, I won’t try to kiss you again. I only wanted -- [DANNY suddenly clutches his stomach and cries out in pain.] JULIA: [very interested and curious] What? What is it? Are you getting pains -- DANNY: [gasping] Yes ... My stomach ... JULIA: [fascinated] I’ll call an ambulance -- DANNY: No, don’t go! Stay here, Julia, I ... need ... you ... [DANNY crumples to the ground. JULIA laughs, awed, almost scared, and kneels beside him, cradling his head in her lap.] JULIA: Danny-boy .... Oh Danny-boy, wake up. [He doesn’t move. She plays with his hair.] JULIA: The ambulance would be too late now, my love, even if I were to call. Don’t worry. Just rest. You look so pretty in the moonlight. Almost pretty enough to kiss. Almost. Not quite, not yet. Soon you will be cleansed, free of all the germs that want to destroy our happiness. Soon. BOBBY: What did it take to cleanse him. JULIA: A little arsenic, mixed in with the rosemary. BOBBY: By a little you mean -- JULIA: Just a pinch. BOBBY: I see. JULIA: [stroking his hair] I miss him. BOBBY: He was my friend too. JULIA: You believe me when I say I’m sorry, don’t you? [BOBBY walks away] Bobby? You do believe me, don’t you? I didn’t have a choice, Bobby. It was all too perfect. You understand, don’t you Bobby? Bobby? BOBBY: The next morning. JULIA: [downcast] Oh. [DANNY gets up and exits] Oh, Bobby, there he goes. How could you. BOBBY: How could I? JULIA: He had such nice hair ... Tasted like sea salt. BOBBY: Tell me about the next morning. JULIA: You were there. BOBBY: For a part of it Julia, only a part! JULIA: You’re always so melo-dramatic. Stop it, Bobby. I’m hungry. I’m going to lunch. Elizabeth! BOBBY: You promised you would tell me! JULIA: But I’m so hungry. I haven’t eaten all morning. I had planned to be anorexic, like Mama. BOBBY: Like Mama. JULIA: Yes. She was so pretty. BOBBY: You should see her now. JULIA: That’s not funny Bobby. BOBBY: That morning. The fire. Tell me. JULIA: It wasn’t my fault Bobby, I’m sorry, you’ll forgive me won’t you? BOBBY: She found it didn’t she. JULIA: I don’t know what you’re talking about. BOBBY: She found the little bottle of arsenic in your bedroom. JULIA: Well, yes, she found the bottle -- BOBBY: And then what happened, Julia? What happened? [beat] JULIA! GRAMMA: [off] Julia? JULIA: It’s the TV Gramma, go to sleep! [hissing] See what you’ve done! BOBBY: Why did you do it. JULIA: It wasn’t my fault -- BOBBY: Tell me. So we can rest in peace. JULIA: We? BOBBY: Mama, and I. JULIA: She would have turned me in! Her own daughter, she would have let them put handcuffs on me and put me in a jail! BOBBY: Julia -- JULIA: All because of a bottle ... One little bottle. She over-reacted. She had the phone in her pretty little hands, to call the police, she was going to call them, Bobby, she was going to call the police and say that I murdered my boyfriend and that I was to be locked up. BOBBY: So you burned our house down! JULIA: No! ... Well, yes -- BOBBY: You burned our house and Mama with it. JULIA: It was an accident Bobby. I’m sorry. BOBBY: Six canisters of kerosene is no accident, little sister. JULIA: Well yes, okay, I spread the kerosene on purpose, but I never meant to light it, Bobby. That part was an accident. BOBBY: The whole neighborhood turned out to watch our house burn. JULIA: Yes Bobby, the whole neighborhood. They all turned out. Dozens of them. BOBBY: You were on the lawn, screaming that you’d left Blue in there. JULIA: Yes, Blue, my kitten, I’d forgotten him and he was burning. BOBBY: I ran in and got Blue -- JULIA: Yes Bobby, thank you -- BOBBY: -- and when I came back out you told me about Mama. JULIA: Mama was burning, too. BOBBY: I went back in and -- JULIA: I held Blue, purring in my hands. BOBBY: [feverishly] Couldn’t find Mama. JULIA: Held Blue in my hands all morning but you never came out. [beat] Blue’s food was all burned up; couldn’t feed her dinner when the time came. [beat] Bobby? [beat] You’re supposed to say, “That’s okay, Julia, it wasn’t your fault.” BOBBY: That’s okay, Julia, it wasn’t your fault. JULIA: Thank you Bobby, I knew you would understand. [beat] Thank you, Bobby. [beat] You’re supposed to say, “You’re welcome, Julia!” BOBBY: You’re welcome, Julia. [JULIA crosses to the spice rack; fiddles with some of the bottles and books. BOBBY stares at his feet.] JULIA: It’s almost one o’clock. BOBBY: Yes. JULIA: I should be getting my lunch. BOBBY: Yes. JULIA: Are you going home, then. BOBBY: [slowly] Home. JULIA: Oh .... How tactless of me. I meant -- BOBBY: You meant? JULIA: I meant .... Back to Mama. You should be going back to Mama. You ... said you weren’t supposed to be here. That Mama didn’t want you here. BOBBY: No, she didn’t want me here. She told me not to come. JULIA: The ordeal. BOBBY: The ordeal. JULIA: I suppose she hates me. I suppose she forbade you to come and see me because she hates me so much. BOBBY: No. That isn’t the reason. JULIA: Oh? What is the reason then? No, wait, give me hints. BOBBY: I am dead. JULIA: [confused] Is that a hint? BOBBY: I am dead and you are living. JULIA: I give up. BOBBY: I am dead and you are living and that is not the way it should be. JULIA: I know. I’m sorry. It’s unfair. It’s not my fault. Do you forgive me? BOBBY: Help me fix it. JULIA: Fix it ... BOBBY: Right the wrong you did. Change it so that things are the way they should be. JULIA: Of course, I would, Bobby, if I knew how. But it’s impossible. As you yourself said --- BOBBY: I am dead. JULIA: And I am living. BOBBY: Fix it. JULIA: I’m hungry, Bobby. BOBBY: FIX IT! JULIA: All right! I’ll fix it. But be quiet. You’ll wake Gramma. BOBBY: I’ll be quiet. JULIA: How can I fix it. BOBBY: Let me share your body. [very long pause, as JULIA backs away] JULIA: What are you saying. BOBBY: It’s done all the time, little sister, more often than you think. Let me come in, I’ll share your thoughts, your emotions, your blood, and your life -- JULIA: You’re crazy, Bobby! BOBBY: I’ll help you become more than you ever dreamed of! Together we can be the greatest person the world has ever known. You and I, little sister. Your body. Our minds. Joined together to create the ultimate -- JULIA: Stop it, you don’t know what you’re saying! BOBBY: I know precisely what I’m saying. You’re dead. And I’m living. I’m offering you the chance of a lifetime, Julia. To become human again. JULIA: I am human. BOBBY: You murdered your own mother. And your boyfriend. And me. You killed me, Julia! JULIA: It was an accident, do you forgive -- BOBBY: Seize the day, little sister! Take this opportunity before it’s too late. Don’t doom yourself to an eternity of moonlit graveyards, of broken dreams and flames, tiny little bottles of arsenic and helpless little kittens named Blue -- JULIA: [moaning] Blue’s dead, her food was all burned up. I couldn’t feed her anymore, it wasn’t my fault -- BOBBY: Let yourself in, Julia! Come and share my mind, we’ll show the world what perfection is. JULIA: I don’t want to be cold again. I don’t want to sleep in a grave again. BOBBY: Then come in. JULIA: I can’t. BOBBY: Let me in. JULIA: I’m sorry -- BOBBY: All you need to do is say yes. And we can banish the nightmares forever. You and I, Julia. No more graves. No more flames. Perfection. JULIA: I’m so cold. BOBBY: Say it. Say yes. JULIA: I’m so hungry. BOBBY: Say yes. GRAMMA: [off] Julia! JULIA: Yes? BOBBY: [a shriek] YES! JULIA: NOOOOOOOOOOO! [Thunder and wind. A brief blackout -- perhaps five seconds long -- over top of JULIA’s scream. BOBBY disappears either by exiting or slipping behind the couch -- whichever is fastest. Lights come up to reveal JULIA, on her knees, face hidden in her hands. She is sobbing. Enter GRAMMA.] GRAMMA: Julia? Julia! Get up this instant. You should be ashamed. A girl your age! JULIA: [sobbing] You ... You don’t understand what I’ve done. I’ve -- GRAMMA: Get up. [She physically hauls JULIA to her feet.] JULIA: I’m taller. GRAMMA: What are you talking about? JULIA: I’m taller! I’ve not only acquired his mind but his body. GRAMMA: Stop this nonsense, child. This is the ordeal again, isn’t it?! JULIA: No -- GRAMMA: Clean yourself up this instant. Do you hear? Blow your nose and dry your eyes. You have a visitor. JULIA: My fingers are longer. My voice is deeper. GRAMMA: He’s waiting in the hall. I’ll send him in. [GRAMMA exits.] JULIA: I have a new set of memories. I have a new set of opinions. His ... All his! [Enter DANNY.] DANNY: Julia! You look lovely. JULIA: My tongue feels different. My eyes have changed colour. DANNY: [glancing at watch] Sorry I’m late. There was a house on fire across town ... Pedestrians and fire trucks everywhere. Looked like the whole neighborhood turned out to watch. Dozens of them. JULIA: I am recalling a memory that I never experienced. DANNY: I’m ready for my cooking lesson. Or have you changed your mind about marrying a cook? [grins charmingly] JULIA: I don’t remember this memory. DANNY: Julia? Is something wrong? JULIA: The little bottle of arsenic had sea salt in it ... DANNY: Julia? JULIA: Sea salt, not arsenic ... DANNY: Are you feeling okay? JULIA: Roast beef laced with arsenic .... Stomach cramps and death ... The late show. It was all a movie that we watched after your birthday dinner, that I cooked, roast beef that I seasoned with parsley, sage, rosemary, thyme, and just a pinch of ... sea salt -- DANNY: [grabbing her shoulders] Julia, stop this. Death? Arsenic? What are you talking about? JULIA: [seeing him for the first time] You knew him. You knew Bobby. Can he get in other people’s heads? Is he in your head? Is he inside of you right now? DANNY: [slowly] This is about Bobby. JULIA: Yes. DANNY: I thought you were past this. JULIA: I was -- DANNY: Well it’s obvious to me you aren’t. JULIA: Yes, well, I get flashbacks sometimes. Like a scary movie on the late show. Remember after dinner, we watched the one about murder -- DANNY: He’s dead, Julia. JULIA: Remember how you were so scared, your stomach started cramping up and I nearly called an ambulance? DANNY: Julia -- JULIA: Remember after dinner? DANNY: [sighing] Yes Julia, I remember that. JULIA: He’s dead, Danny. DANNY: Yes. It was food poisoning. JULIA: Food poisoning after dinner. DANNY: At the little restaurant on 18th Ave. JULIA: The Blue Kitten Lodge ... DANNY: Yes, Julia. Him and your mother both. JULIA: Mama ... DANNY: Julia. You have to stop this! It’s over. They’re gone. You still have me. You still have your grandmother. JULIA: It was my fault. I suggested the Blue Kitten Lodge. I said that was where we should go for dinner! I wanted it to be special .... It was his dinner, his birthday dinner, and then after -- DANNY: Julia, how were you to know? JULIA: I should have! I should have known which restaurants have good food and which ones have bad. I should have ... researched -- DANNY: There was no way you or anyone else could have predicted what was going to happen. It was a tragedy, Julia, a waste, a senseless waste of human life, but it’s over now, and you have to move on, and leave this whole ordeal behind you. JULIA: The whole ordeal. DANNY: Yes. Let it go, Julia. It’s in the past. JULIA: It’s over. DANNY: It’s over. Everything is over. JULIA: Over ... [falling into his arms] I’m so sorry -- DANNY: Shh. [Lights begin to dim; “Scarborough Fair” is softly heard.] JULIA: You will forgive me, won’t you? Danny? You’ll forgive me, won’t you? DANNY: I forgive you, Julia. It wasn’t your fault. JULIA: Thank you. DANNY: You’re welcome. JULIA: [stunned] Thank you. [Music to full volume. Blackout.] END OF PLAY