October 3, '99

Guess what, at work today I got a tip! My first tip. 
Except, I guess, Brendan throwing a dime at me when I 
was singing last year. It was a dollar this time, and
for like a six-dollar drive-through order. Joy is
amazed!

October 5, '99

I am terribly ill, but I did a job interview today any-
way. The guy laughed at me and suggested eccenecia. So
I spent an hour wandering around asking strangers where
I could find a health food store. Did you know that the
second ingredient in eccenecia tincture is grain 
alcohol? This is certainly news to me. I'll have to
call my mom tonight and make sure it's legit.

October 7, '99

Today at work a cup of hot chocolate exploded in my 
hands. I had pressed the lid too tightly and the sty-
rophoam collapsed. I was splashed ... And customers
laughed.

October 11, '99

I was trying to kiss this horrible stuck-up cat belong-
ing to my aunt. It literally pressed its paws against
my cheek to keep me at arms length! I exclaimed, "No
one's ever pushed me away in my LIFE." To which Fiona
replied, "You're young yet."

October 12, '99

Some men have this sense of self confidence that is SO
un-attractive. 

October 13, '99

If Fidel Castro shaved his beard off, he could be a 
hottie!

October 14, '99

Last night Matt and I stole this trafic sign, a big
metal one, and were hurrying along a well-lit street
hoping the cops wouldn't catch us. This guy in a white
van SCREECHED to a halt in the middle of an intersection
and shouted, "Put that sign back!" I said, "But we stole
it like 8 blocks back." (A lie) He said, "Fine, put it
in the van. It's private property." I said, "Yeah, right.
So YOU can steal it!" He said, "I oughta call the cops on
you!" So I put the sign in his dumb van. Matt said, in an
enigmatic way, "Thank you." 

October 16, '99

Lisa dropped and destroyed our ketchup bottle. Now we keep
our ketchup in an old Snapple bottle. It tastes just as 
good -- a little fruitier maybe -- and it pours out much
more easily.

October 17, '99

Another tip! Another tip! Twenty-two cents, this time. 

October 18, '99

Early this morning I plodded my way to work, resplendent
in my A+W uniform. I passed a drunk guy coming the opposite
way. "Hi!" he rasped. "Off to school?" A+W nametag and 
promotional pin glistening in the sunrise, I replied,
"Work." "Work, work," he muttered, and staggered away.

October 19, '99

I want a pet frog. I want to call him Toby. Or maybe Killer.
Or maybe it could be a girl, and then I would name it Gwen.

October 21, '99

At work the other day a mother was trying to teach her child
about life. "Root beer!" she said, pointing. "Onion rings!"
she said, pointing again. Then, a big one, pointing at ME,
"Employee!" This was a long one, so the kid said, "What's em-
ployee mean?" The mom, unused to feedback of any kind, sort 
of stuttered and said, "Uhh ... Well .. They work for a boss,
all day, and the boss makes them do work." "So she's a SLAVE,"
said the kid. "Oh, NO!" the mom, gasped, horrified. Lillian
and I just laughed. We've toughened up pretty good by now.
"She's right," is all we said.

October 22, '99

I have now amassed a grand total of $4.22 in tips. Tax free!
Well ... For now. I have a feeling the IRS will come pounding
on my door, insisting that I've broken the law. 

October 23, '99

My mission at work right now is to get Chris to shave off his
ugly goatee. He says he's not grown out of it yet and he's not
shaving for anyone. We'll see.

October 24, '99

Today at work Chris and I played Truth or Dare. I dared him to 
throw something at our supervisor, and I did not see him do it
but he said he did. And he dared me to drop someone's tray, which
I couldn't bring myself to do, so I spilled their drink instead.

October 25, '99

Last night Kass and Matt and I went to a house down the road that
had boxes of free stuff out on the driveway. I scored a black 
trenchcoat! I was so excited. Then we went home and watched the 
Blair Witch Project. Matt said it was a comedy, and it is, sort
of, depending on how you look at it. 

October 27, '99

I sure hate the new millenium quarters. What was wrong
with the moose!

October 28, '99

This friend of my uncle's thought I was eleven. ELEVEN!
He tried to give me an electronic pencil.

October 29, '99

Last night Becky and I were racing for the bus, and got
to the stop just as it was about to pull away. I made a
wild leap and boarded the bus -- and the driver closed
the door on my head! It JAMMED the door, and I was 
shouting apologies, and I was nearly beheaded, and when
he finally got the door un-jammed and we went to a 
seat, there was this awful silence on the bus, as all 
of the other passengers STARED at me. 

October 31, '99

I cooked perogies for too long, and all the stuffing 
burst out of them. I had to eat just the empty flaps
of modified white flour. It's the most disgusting thing
I have ever made for myself, other than Simpsons alpha-
ghetti.