Even when a person is no longer an active member in the cult there are a couple of meetings every year which everybody is expected to attend. Three of them are very important. If you don't attend them you have to have a very good reason or you will be eliminated. It is important that everybody is there out of control and because they believe that you need to drink blood from a new born baby to make it through the year.
I have not attented any of those meetings in 6 years now. This and the fact that I fled the country is unacceptable for the cult, but as Mariah Carey and Withney Houston sing:
"WE ARE NOT AFRAID ALTHOUGH WE KNOW THERE IS MUCH TO FEAR!"
Fortunately I and with me we met a couple of great people who are willing to walk next to us when we travel the road out of the cult and Satanism towards healing and God.
There has to be done much healing for all of us. Some of us are angry and they have to find a way to express these feelings in a different way then we were taught. Some of us are scared and they have to learn that there is good in the world. That there are people who mean what they say. People whom we can trust and who are willing to help us without any form of abuse.
It will not be easy. We have to climb many hills and we will fall in many descent.
I can only hope and pray that we will make it. Nobody can see what the future will bring, not even people who don't have a past like mine.
We started a new life and for the first time in our life the future doesn't look as black as it always did.
We now have a loving and caring spouse who supports us every step we walk on this Healing Road. We now have a very good therapists who believes what we tell her.
We are out of that hell of hurt and we are on our way to God's garden.
One thing in our future is still scaring me. The cult has one last program for us in their minds.
The whole family from the father's side was a member in the cult. The grandfather was the most important person. His wife had died at the age of 37. This was before my birth so I don't know how she died. They say it was a heart attack.
I also had an aunt who was the sister of the father. She was the only person from who I am sure that she has loved me.
I saw her die on that stone in that little room. She didn't look scared. I hope that I am right but I saw peace in her eyes. I will never know if this was because of the drug they gave her or because she knew that she would finally find her peace.
I don't know. I do know that she died at age 37 by the hands of her own father.
There is at least one alter who is programmed to return to the cult at age of 37 or commit suicide before that year. We are aware of this, my spouse is aware of this and together with our therapist we will do whatever we can to de-program us so we can celebrate our 38th birthday and many birthdays after that.
We still have a long way to go. We had to do a lot of bad things during our childhood, it is too much to name them all. A lot of other parts need to learn to forgive themselves for acts they have done. We have to learn to put the blame where it belongs, with my father and the cult. This is something that has never been safe and for a lot of parts it still isn't. It is not safe to be angry either. Slowly we are learning, but it is a long road and it is not and won't be easy.
I created this page because I want to make the world aware of Satanic Ritual Abuse. This was my first step towards doing so. I hope that one day I will have the courage to stand up and speak out in public. I hope that one day I can tell you in real life that I have Survived and that SRA does exist and has to stop. I hope that one day I can totally dedicate my future to stop SRA. If I succeed in doing that, maybe, just maybe my little girl didn't die for nothing.