Monstervision Movie Reviews and Host Segments, and 100% Wierd Listings for your viewing pleasure this month
Welcome to the Mostervision page.
FAQ (frequently asked question): What's the difference between Monstervision on TNT and Mystery Science Theater 3000 (still showing in reruns @ 9am each Saturday) on the Sci-Fi channel? Monster jokes "There are 3 types of people in the world - those who are good at math and those who aren't."
Past movies have included Star Trek 2: The Wrath Of Khan, all 3 Poltergeist movies (in a row, the same night), Back to the Future, Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome, The Dead Zone, Christine, and even a couple of films they also made fun of on MST3K...
Following the Monstervision movie or movies was a film that TNT considers "100% Wierd". Sometimes it has something to do with the evening's selection (2 Godzilla movies were followed by "All Monsters Attack") and sometimes not. Sometimes "100% Wierd" was just a short film, Bigfoot: Man or Beast ... which is about 50% wierd. Or the classic Japanese TV-series Ultra 7, or Gilligan's Island, which is just plain silly. Each summer, Professor Joe Bob Briggs would conduct his own Summer School
These movies continue to run on TNT, TBS, and even the Sci Fi Channel in their original form. Simply print out the host segments for the movie when it comes around and read Joe Bob's comments on each segment as you watch the movie. It's the next best thing to having Joe Bob on the couch next to you...
In addition to being Joe Bob Briggs on MonsterVision, John Bloom also appeared on Comedy Central's Daily Show to comment on Godstuff. John Bloom's Godstuff page at Comedy Central. John Bloom does most or all of his own writing
Movies previously seen on Monstervision scheduled on other channels (click title for Monstervision review & host segments, if available). Times shown before 7am are considered night of previous day, so you can set your VCR before going to sleep.
100,000 blonds have signed a petition in one of those former Soviet republics demanding protection from being joked about. They would have done it sooner but none of them knew how to spell "petition".
A&E had Deliverance on Tuesday, 11-23-04 @ 8:30am & 2:30pm, let the backwoods dueling begin!
Hey kids, it's time for Joe Bob's annual telling of the Thanksgiving Story
You know, that story Moby Dick about the great white whale is pretty good. But it would be even better if Dino DeLaurentiis made a version of it set in the old west with cowboys and Indians bein' attacked by a giant White Buffalo, right?
10-13-04 Wednesday's ep of "Lost" on ABC @ 8pm, Terry O'Quinn of The Stepfather played a man who brought a stash of knives along on the flight, which may now come in handy for food and protection, if they can trust him. Meanwhile, what to do with the dead bodies still in the plane...
Who's that little Chatterbox? And why's she rated R?
Christopher Reeve died of a heart attack 10-10-04, star of the Superman movies and Somewhere In Time Rodney Dangerfield has died, star of such movies as Back To School & Caddyshack
It was announced 10-4-04, that Janet Leigh passed away, with relatives in attendance including daughter Jamie Lee Curtis. Janet said she never could stay in a hotel room with a shower after her scene in Psycho. Ironically, she died at the beginning of October, the month of Halloween
TCM will devote the month of November to Clark Gable films including "Mutiny On The Bounty," though Joe Bob prefers Mutant on the Bounty
Speaking of remakes, Hallmark Channel has a 4-hour remake of Jason & The Argonauts on Sunday @ 7pm, repeated Nov. 21 @ 3pm, but it just won't be the same without Harryhausen's skeleton army. And they've got a remake of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein starring William Hurt and Donald Sutherland preview
I Spit On Your Grave was re-released on video in July, 2004. Of course Joe Bob reviewed it!
"If there was a portal to hell in this house, I'd have pushed you thru it years ago"
Keith Carradine (Complete Savages, 9-24-04)
Have you seen the fabulous Thunderbirds yet? Or do you prefer the original Supermarionettes?
"The front half of a skunk is excellent" - Clarence Birdseye, Birdseye Foods (USA Today, 7-14-04)
Sorry I was late updating listings. I had to dig a grave and it took until 7pm, then I had to put all the dirt back in...well, most of it anyway.
* Warning: The Family Channel is showing "Blazing Saddles" again... the last time they showed it, they turned off the sound during the campfire scene. How are impressionable children going to learn the dangers of beans that way?
7/22 all day: Radio Drama Online "Fire In The Sky" (a newlywed couple is taken underground at gunpoint & learn from news reports that a comet is about to collide with Earth)
MonsterVision host segments posted for Death Valley (1982), which Joe Bob noted was "based on a true story."
Joe Bob appeared at Flashback Weekend in Chicago in July, 2004! Visit FlashbackWeekend.COM or call 847-478-0119 for info. about next year's event on July 29-31, 2005
HBOS had Great Balls of Fire (bio pic of singer Jerry Lee Lewis, with cameo by Joe Bob Briggs @ 1pm 6-8-04. Anyone know a good sitter? MonsterVision's Sitter is a little psycho
Make A Living Online Click here for a free 5-page report: high quality online marketing advice (with no fluff) from a guy who has been making his living on the internet since 1996
Monstervision host segments have now been fully restored for The Omen starring Gregory Peck as the father of Satan's son, the Antichrist. Check it out as Joe Bob visits the Mardi Gras warehouse in New Orleans
Joe Bob Briggs defends Dinner & A Movie ... sort-of Dinner & Movie themesong from their website
Note: movies listed for UPN and WB networks are sometimes preempted by local programs or even professional wrestling
Remember the past MonsterVision movie Troll (1986)? Remember the name of the kid who goes for help to a good witch (June Lockhart) after the evil troll turns Sonny Bono into a giant cucumber? The kid's name was Harry Potter Jr. - Amazon.com sold a million copies of the latest Harry Potter novel in one day, an on-line record for any product by any company. By the way, Junior's dad, Harry Potter, was played by Michael Moriarty. Try that out on the next trivia expert you meet. "Name the 1986 movie that starred Michael Moriarty as Harry Potter"
Why was the war with Iraq so easy? Joe Bob says it's because everybody got so jazzed watching Top Gun! If you missed this broadcast, Leon in host segments is played by Mr. Carlin (Jack Reilly) from the Bob Newhart Show. Still wearing the same hairpiece
Sorry I haven't kept this updated every day. My Doppelganger has been acting up lately.
Morons From Outer Space is on TMC this month. Click here if you don't know where the Dixie Chicks are from
Evolution vs. Creationism. Did dinosaurs and humans co-exist? Where does Professor Joe Bob stand on this vital question? Check out host segments of One Million Years B.C. starring Raquel Welch's talents (and some dinosaurs). Or would you rather visit Jurassic Park
Joe Bob's review & drive-in totals have been added for Galaxis (not to be confused with Galaxina) and for Halloween 5 (not to be confused with Joe Bob's other Halloween movie reviews)
Host segments have now been added to Skeeter, and most recent MonsterVision host segments (2000) for Planet Of The Apes have replaced the 1999 MonsterVision SummerSchool version. Joe Bob Briggs has also reviewed the low-budget adult movie Playmate Of The Apes that spoofs it including a Kim Hunter look-alike.
Two blonds are walking down the street when it starts to rain.
"Quick!" says one, "Open your umbrella!" "It won't do any good," says the other. "It's worn out and full of holes." "Then why did you bring it?" "Because I didn't think it would rain."
(Adapted from World's Best Jewish Humor)
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Well, I checked with PayPal, and no one's made a donation to keep this website up & running, and Amazon.com only pays 5% on their link sales, so I guess it's time to sell some MonsterVision videos now that I've dubbed all the host segments onto audiotape (it's easier to transcribe them that way). Here's what I've got, all at full SPeed on T120 or T160 brand-name tapes:
"Alien 3" (1992) from 9-13-97
Body Armor (end cut off) 4-22-00, see posted Host segments
Big Trouble In Little China, 10-19-97, see posted Host segments
Barbarella (1967) 9-13-97, see posted Host segments
Back To The Future, 10-98, see later posted Host segments
Carrie, with 10-30-99 host segments looking for the Nair Witch Project, see later posted Host segments
Child's Play 2, with 10-30-99 Nair Witch Project host segments, see earlier posted Joe Bob's review of movie only
Phantasm, with 10-30-99 Nair Witch host segments (end cut off, did they ever find the Witch?)
Conquest of the Planet of the Apes (end cut off) 5-00, see posted Host segments
Conan the Destroyer, 11-1-97, different host segments than posted Host segments
Capricorn One, 11-15-97 Capricorn One page
Dragnet (1987), missed intro segment 9-11-99, see posted Host segments
The Devil's Rain (1975) 9-11-99, see posted Devil's Rain page Spielberg's "Duel" (1971) 8-1-98
Forbidden Planet 8-99, guest Anne Francis, see posted Host segments
Galaxis (1995)see posted Host segments Godzilla (1956) and Godzilla Vs. Mothra, 5-23-98 Hercules In New York (1970, aka Hercules Goes Bananas), 11-1-97
Elvira host segments for The Human Duplicators, end cut off/joined in progress, posted Host segments
Halloween 2, for description see Halloween 2
Leviathan (1989 version, joined in progress), see posted Host segments
Mars Attacks! 8-99, see posted Host segments
Prehistoric Women (1967, end cut off), 5-98, by the writer/director of One Million Years B.C. Somewhere In Time (end cut off), Christopher Reeve
Swamp Thing, 2-98, different than posted Host segments
Ice T in Surviving The Game (end cut off, remake of "Most Dangerous Game"), 7-25-98 with Joe Bob's in-studio guest Ice T
Star Trek 2:The Wrath Of Khan, 4-99, see posted Host segments
Spaceballs (Mel Brooks SW spoof), 1-15-00, see posted Host segments. Comb the desert! Theodore Rex, 10-19-97 you've got to smell the roses Teen Wolf (the one with Michael J. Fox), 2-98 Troll (from the makers of Ghoulies)
John Carpenter's They Live (1988), 8-98 with guest Roddy Piper
Vincent Price's "Theatre Of Blood" 1-17-97, see posted Host segments
The Time Machine, 5-99, see posted Host segments
Time After Time, 5-99, see posted Host segments
Time After Time, different 1998 host segments
Wes Craven's New Nightmare (1994) 7-18-98, guest Wes Craven (by phone, low audio)
Wes Craven's New Nightmare, 10-31-97, different host segments
WarGames (1983), 8-22-98, guest Colonel David Hackworth, see posted Host segments Red Dawn, 8-22-98, guest Col. Hackworth
When Dinosaurs Ruled The Earth (1970 official sequel to One Million Years BC), 5-98
Willy Wonka, 8-98 host segments, see posted Host segments
Willy Wonka, 4-98 host segments, guest is film's director (by phone, low audio) What's Up Tiger Lily? (1966) with in-studio guest Woody Allen (I don't recognize the 1966 host)
You want more? All right, I'll add half-dozen more tapes to this list including:
Howard The Duck (1997 host segments, missed intro)
Donovan's Brain (also from 1997) is that Nancy Reagan in a sci-fi movie?! Deadly Friend (1-97 Superbowl host segments)
"Midnight Offerings" (1st hour only)
The Omen (part of Joe Bob's January 1997 Superbowl marathon, followed by Village Of The Giants) "Godzilla vs. Monster Zero" & "Godzilla's Revenge"
"Project Shadowchaser"
"The Lost Boys" with fangs, final host segment only
Note: Due to technical problems, all email sent to tvg@scifans.com last year was erased. If you already sent me an offer to buy/sell/trade videotapes, I need to hear from you again. The fairest way I can do this is $5 an hour plus shipping, $10/hour with Joe Bob but without commercials. Free shipping for $50 or more (or if order would be just over $50 with shipping). Let me know what you want and I'll see how many hours it comes to. Also have many MST-3000 tapes of titles not available from Amazon.com and other commercially-unavailable tv-shows back to mid-1984. Keep circulating the tapes
Bill Laidlaw, 524 Printz Rd, Arroyo Grande CA 93420 or P.O. Box 3, Arroyo Grande CA 93421 I don't like to disturb the spiders that live in my rural street mailbox, so I usually check the PO Box more often, but you can use either address
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eBooks website and individual eBooks for sale including reproduction rights: eStorebooks.com Get Your Own!
Joe Bob Briggs bio from 1999 (he blooms anywhere) There are books by Joe Bob Briggs available on the bio page, but none about Monstervision
If you miss Joe Bob's voice, there's a new DVD of Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter with commentary by Joe Bob Briggs, and his website gets a small royalty if you use this link to buy it from Amazon.com
This vast website devoted to Monstervision built and maintained by half-vast fans
See anything on this page you don't like? Contact the Webmaster. Not to be confused with the Puppet Master. Whatever you do, for God's sake, don't attempt to contact the zombie/undead "Puppet Master." You've been warned. That's all I can do.
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Note: if you want to printout this page, be sure your printer is set to black ink & no background. And that it has ink in it. And paper
It's official...Joe Bob has hooked up with The Scream Channel, a newly-formed cable network delivering horror, suspense, thriller oriented entertainment. The network is slated to launch January of 2005. More info as it develops.
A man comes home to find his blond wife, who can't boil water without burning it, crying. "What's the matter?" "I just baked my first cake and the cat ate it." "There, there, we'll get a new cat." View MonsterVision Guestbook Sign MonsterVision Guestbook
Christine, and even a couple of films they also made fun of on MST3K...
These movies continue to run on TNT, TBS, and even the Sci Fi Channel in their original form. Simply print out the host segments for the movie when it comes around and read Joe Bob's comments on each segment as you watch the movie. It's the next best thing to having Joe Bob on the couch next to you...
Sorry I was late updating listings. I had to dig a grave and it took until 7pm, then I had to put all the dirt back in...well, most of it anyway.
Joe Bob appeared at Flashback Weekend in Chicago in July, 2004! Visit FlashbackWeekend.COM or call 847-478-0119 for info. about next year's event on July 29-31, 2005
Email: scifanscom@yahoo.com
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Haunted houses in California