Welcome to the Mostervision page.
FAQ (frequently asked question): What's the difference between Monstervision on TNT and Mystery Science Theater 3000 (still showing in reruns @ 9am each Saturday) on the Sci-Fi channel?
Monster jokes "There are 3 types of people in the world - those who are good at math and those who aren't."
Christine, and even a couple of films they also made fun of on MST3K...12/03 November October September August 03 2004 Monstervision listingsAn eye for an eye leaves everyone blind - Martin Luther King, Jr.
Christmas without fruitcake is like St. Sigmund's Day without the headless boy Betty WhiteOr would you rather join Count Floyd, Joe Bob and Rhonda Shear In The Heart Of Madness
Hey, who took all my Crawlers
This week in history, a man in Texas climbed up inside a building and turned it into The Deadly Tower (Kurt Russell's first movie), and this week in 1998, Joe Bob showed Jaws followed by Mel Stuart's movie about the assassination of John F. Kennedy - Judge Dredd would've known what to do with Lee Harvey Oswald
And Hitchcock's North By Northwest (1959) is on TCM - you know, the movie where Cary Grant is chased cross-country by men in black after witnessing a political assassination while a shadowy Washington agency charts his progress, and he ends up hanging down the face of Mt. Rushmore while Martin Landau stands on his fingers...
Joe Bob Briggs tells the story of Thanksgiving followed by a review of "Silent Night, Deadly Night 5" starring Mickey Rooney as a demented toymaker. And Showtime's showing Pinocchio's Revenge again, a demented R-rated "Child's Play" wannabe
See TV Listings for this month's 11am-4pm marathons on the SciFi Channel (TV Guide no longer has SciFi listings before 5pm daily)
How many sofware engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? See Joe Bob's jokes at the end of Grim host segments for answer, including three screenshots of Joe Bob hisself
Is the world about to end? Check out MonsterVision host segments for The Seventh Sign as Joe Bob reviews Demi Moore's version of "The Omen" as Hollywood envisions the signs leading to the end of the world, with a bit of "Rosemary's Baby" and "The Exorcist" plots thrown in. Not that Joe Bob would ever talk about Godstuff
Monstervision host segments have now been fully restored for Barbarella, Queen of the Universe (1968) starring Jane Fonda. Check it out as Joe Bob tries to make sense of Roger Vadim's weirdest movie
Mystery @ 11am Mon-Fri Night Gallery episodes, sometimes repeated late night / early morning when noted
There are former MonsterVision movies on the following entire-month channel's pages. Whenever possible, I have changed the movie titles on these pages to MonsterVision host segments links:
American Movie Classics ... Turner Classic Movies ... Flix
Action channel ... Encore ... Mystery channel ... Starz ... Wam!
Sci-Fi Channel ... USA Network
Quick, name the movie where Arnold Schwarzenegger beats up John Candy... Joe Bob looks at MonsterVision's Hercules Goes Bananas aka "Hercules In New York" (1970)
The SciFi Channel has Amityville 3: The Demon the last week of October
Joe Bob says, "I want my Mummy
MonsterVision host segments for Voodoo (starring those two goonie kids dabbling in black magic) have been fully restored and linked to TNT's Voodoo description page
What's kung fu like in spanish? Tune in Telemundo for movies like Big Trouble in Little China...it's fun! Big Trouble In Little China was, of course, last seen on MonsterVision in 1997 following Theodore Rex. They've also shown Universal Soldier starring Jean Claude Van Damme, a man who already needs sub-titles in English
Joe Bob Briggs of MonsterVision and Mike Nelson of Mystery Science Theater 3000 review Twister, with a nod to Beastmaster and Independence Day
Christina Applegate of the MonsterVision movie Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead will guest star on "Friends" in October playing (what else), a babysitter
Dracula (1931) will be on various tv stations in October, Joe Bob's review of "Dracula" and 1936 sequel "Dracula's Daughter"
Joe Bob forgives Eddie Murphy & Wes Craven for Vampire In Brooklyn. "I try not to hold grudges. It's not healthy."
The Shadow is on USA Network in September and the Sci-Fi Channel will run Outer Limits: Cold Hands, Warm Heart / I, Robot on October 3, the Outer Limits episodes that starred William Shatner & Leonard Nimoy, previously seen back-to-back on MonsterVision. Of course Joe Bob couldn't help mentioning the Star Trek movies directed by Nimoy (ST3 & ST4) and Shatner (exactly).
Pop quiz: which would you rather see, the original silent-movie version of "The Three Musketeers" or Hellraiser 3: Hell On Earth? Dumb question
By the way, a plane crashed into the Empire State Building, 11 people dead (in 1945)
Interview about ... Joe Bob's latest book
Can you believe the Sci-Fi Channel is showing Casper the Friendly Ghost?
The official website of the long-awaited Freddy vs. Jason movie is, of course, FreddyvsJason.com - Nightmare on Elm Street meets Friday the 13th, and New Line Cinema will have their other "big" movie back in theaters in October: Texas Chainsaw Massacre (remake, based on a true story)
The 5000 Fingers of Dr T is scheduled this month on the British Sci Fi Channel UK
Arnold Schwarzenegger announced 8-6-03 that he is running for Governor of California. Turner had already pulled all Conan and Terminator movies from their schedule starting 8-1, replacing them with "Ghostbusters" last Saturday. Oddly enough, they ran Terminator the following Saturday/Sunday. ABC, NBC, CBS & FOX have announced they will not run any of Arnold's movies until after California's special election in early October, Turner & other cable channels may simply "black out" Arnold's movies on cable systems in California like they do for regional sports. Just last month, he was promoting "Terminator 3," and now it's Total Recall. By the way, Gary Coleman is also running for Governor, so the same thing will happen with his movies & tv-series "Different Strokes" Arnold's official website
Joe Bob's reviews of the Police Academy movies finally posted here...
Joe Bob Briggs defends Dinner & A Movie ... sort-of Dinner & Movie themesong from their website
Note: movies listed for UPN and WB networks are sometimes preempted by local programs or even professional wrestling
Forget about "Dr T and the Women," remember the 100% Weird 5000 Fingers of Dr. T?
Can you name the 100% Weird feature that followed "Clash Of The Titans" in early 1999? Here's a hint: it's showing on cable. If you don't know, click here and scroll to the bottom for the Weekly World MonsterVision
Note: Host segments for Xtro 2:The 2nd Encounter, which was followed that night by The Silencers have been posted. It ends with a paragraph that some might find disturbing due to the events of 9-11-01. This is the biggest, most popular Monstervision fan site on the internet. Don't believe me? Type "Monstervision host segments" in any major search engine and see what happens. Ozbricks.com/crowbar (the second biggest) removed "Xtro 2" host segments some time ago and doesn't return my email so I guess it's because of that final paragraph in which Joe Bob in 1999 notes that the guys in the movie say they have enough explosive to "blow up the World Trade Center" and Joe Bob says don't they realize that Arabs might be listening? Anyway, you now have fair warning before I post the host segments in question. I added links to John Bloom's first-hand accounts of 9-11 to the Joe Bob Briggs page some time ago (he was in New York that day). John Bloom has a website separate from his JoeBobBriggs.com
Or would you rather Get Smart? Sorry about that, Chief
One Million Years B.C. will be one of the Sci-Fi channel movies this week, displaying all of Miss Welch's talents
Spielberg's Duel is finally coming to DVD in August according to Amazon.com
Don't know the exact date & time? Click here for cool version of time & date
Click here if you've finally gotten the voice of Jar Jar Binks out of your head
The O.J. Simpson Trial as told by Dr. Seuss
Remember the past MonsterVision movie Troll (1986)? Remember the name of the kid who goes for help to a good witch (June Lockhart) after the evil troll turns Sonny Bono into a giant cucumber? The kid's name was Harry Potter Jr. - Amazon.com sold a million copies of the latest Harry Potter novel in one day, an on-line record for any product by any company. By the way, Junior's dad, Harry Potter, was played by Michael Moriarty. Try that out on the next trivia expert you meet. "Name the 1986 movie that starred Michael Moriarty as Harry Potter"
Eat recycled food (I dread to ask)
Click here for animated cartoon of Alien on a Hot Tin Roof
Turner Classic Movies showed past MonsterVision movies Golden Voyage of Sinbad and Sinbad & The Eye Of The Tiger July 5th back-to-back; a Harryhausen double-feature!
Excuse me for a moment, Joe Bob's Ghoulies are acting up again
Joe Bob's drive-in totals have been added to Roddy Piper's They Live
Whose fault is it, really, when bad movies are made? Answer according to the computer HAL
Beetlejuice shows up on cable quite often, so I've added some more audioclips to that page.
TNN plans to change it's name to "Spike TV" but hasn't yet. No, it didn't come to its senses - Spike Lee is suing them.
What to say about the missing pie
Can you believe Paul McCartney is over 60?
By the way, host of Saturday Night Live on 12-14-02 was Al Gore, inventor of the internet, repeated 6-14-03
Here by mistake? Click Here to return to your previous page anywhere on the internet
(how cool is that link?)
AFI has announced results of the 100 Greatest Heroes and Villains poll, and Arnold the Terminator made both lists!
Why was the war with Iraq so easy? Joe Bob says it's because everybody got so jazzed watching Top Gun! If you missed this broadcast, Leon in host segments is played by Mr. Carlin (Jack Reilly) from the Bob Newhart Show. Still wearing the same hairpiece
Sorry I haven't kept this updated every day. My Doppelganger has been acting up lately.
Morons From Outer Space is on TMC this month. Click here if you don't know where the Dixie Chicks are from
Evolution vs. Creationism. Did dinosaurs and humans co-exist? Where does Professor Joe Bob stand on this vital question? Check out host segments of One Million Years B.C. starring Raquel Welch's talents (and some dinosaurs). Or would you rather visit Jurassic Park
The James Bond page has been improved by adding visible text (why doesn't anyone tell me these things?)
Joe Bob's review & drive-in totals have been added for Galaxis (not to be confused with Galaxina) and for Halloween 5 (not to be confused with Joe Bob's other Halloween movie reviews)
Movies on Mystery channel in July include one of Joe Bob's favorites, Night Of The Living Dead, and Howling 2: Your Sister Is A Werewolf, as well as "Poison Ivy" (still looking for host segments for that one)
Joe Bob's review & drive-in totals available for Supergirl and for Sheena, Queen of the Jungle
Host segments have now been added to Skeeter, and most recent MonsterVision host segments (2000) for Planet Of The Apes have replaced the 1999 MonsterVision SummerSchool version. Joe Bob Briggs has also reviewed the low-budget adult movie Playmate Of The Apes that spoofs it including a Kim Hunter look-alike. Or would you rather see Joe Bob's review of, like, Warlock
Frankenstein page (1931) by TCM, with link to Joe Bob's review
Review & host segment for What's Up Tiger Lily now posted
Heathers - Joe Bob says it's the 1st movie to make fun of teen suicide
Had enough war? Visit "Zor and Zam"
Joe Bob’s Arab do’s and don’ts - you can join the Delta Force, but don’t show your feet to an Arab!
Why do the Frogs have a monopoly on wine? Click here for Joe Bob’s secret plan to sic the land of Mad Max on the Hussein-lovers!
"Geraldo leaves Iraq, buys small town newspaper, strange headlines follow" by Joe Bob Briggs, and Bride Of Re-Animator review
"Target Stores Sued For Being Weird" by Joe Bob Briggs, with review of Roger Corman’s dinosaur epic Carnosaur.
Arnold Schwarzenegger on social success: "Work hard, stay focused, and marry a Kennedy"
A song parody link has been to the bottom of the Big Trouble In Little China page that's...well...you have to hear it to believe it
Speaking of which, here's a joke I swiped from The Jerusalem Connection
A Jewish man goes to eat at a Chinese resturant and wonders if there are any Chinese Jews. So he asks the waiter, "Pardon me, but I'd like to know if there are any Chinese Jews?"
The waiter says, "I no know, I go ask manager."
The waiter returns from the kitchen in a few minutes and says, "No. No Chinese Jews. We have orange juice, tomato juice, grape juice, and pineapple juice, but no Chinese juice."
The two blond jokes have been restored to host segments of Ghoulies 2
Joe Bob's review of Vampire Cop, and don't go running to Joe Bob Briggs if your unit is called up for Gulf War II and you don't want to go.
Click here to see how Joe Bob tried to play peacemaker between NBC and Andrew Dice Clay fans in 1990, but it turned into a basket case
Got O.J.? Capricorn One does, the MonsterVision feature from November 1997
Note: The TV series based on the movie "La Femme Nikita" has moved from the USA Network to the Oxygen channel, Mon-Fridays @ noon, Sat @ 1pm. Joe Bob's review of "La Femme Nikita", remade in the U.S. as "Point Of No Return" Host segments for Point Of No Return
Encore and Disney Channel have Beetlejuice from time to time, about the ghost with the most who's seen The Exorcist over 100 times & it just keeps getting funnier!
Here it is, the horrible, disgusting, tasteless joke #1006...Click here for Joe Bob's famous Parrot Joke...Or if your prefer, 15 Ways To Be Annoying
Have you ever wished bad drivers would hit each other rather than innocent people? Click here for news item
Joe Bob's new official site can be found at www.joebobbriggs.com.Joe Bob Briggs bio from 1999 (he blooms anywhere)
There are books by Joe Bob Briggs available on the bio page, but none about Monstervision unless you count the novel 
Fiendly Monstervision
If you miss Joe Bob's voice, in August 2003 a new DVD of Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter will be released with commentary by Joe Bob Briggs, and his website gets a small royalty if you use this link to buy it from Amazon.com
This vast website devoted to Monstervision built and maintained by half-vast fans
Click here to blow up the world
And now a word about Summer Rerun Season!!!!
For creepy music, try Dark Shadows
Or Brimstone
Or would you rather just read the latest Stephen King book? He wrote "Stand By Me" but just try to find his name on the TV Guide description of that movie. It has a dead body and everything...
Avast ye mateys, here there be pirates ... in Joe Bob's review & Drive-In Totals for Ice Pirates
Big Trouble In Little China fans, for a free computer game based on your favorite movie, go to the Big Trouble In Little China computer game on the Wingkong.net fan website for free download. And don't worry if you don't get the rules right away, you weren't brought into this world to get it, Mr. Burton.
And here's Kurt Russell's opinion of Osama Bin Ladin.
Back to TV Listings on www.Scifans.com
Websites offering Monster audio for your listening pleasure
Click here to sign up for a weekly Email from Joe Bob, news you can't use, guaranteed
How come "aleatory" isn't in Spellcheck?
Longer version of that music the Phantom plays on a pipe organ
Click here for Christine (the movie review & host segments, not the demon-possessed car from Hell itself) Or visit Boris Karloff, he's lonely
Kolchak, the Night Stalker page
Lock your doors, lock your windows, and click here for the "Halloween" movies
Halloween is 20 years old, happy birthday!
If you are just surfing the 'net because you can't sleep, click here for appropriate music
"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die" - Mel Brooks
Wanna get rich running a fan website? you might as well be walking on the Sun
Twin Peaks host segments end with five blond jokes
Animated graphics © 2003 by The Animation Factory.
For over 100,000 Premium Web Animations and Graphics click here
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This page © the great and powerful Bill Laidlaw. Be vewy vewy qwiet. I'm hunting wabbits. Bad, bad talking-cat
® Monstervision is a registered trademark of nobody
Look that up in your Funk & Wagnalls
Help keep this on an ad-free website. Buy something from our Amazon.com links!
Click here to hear your computer scream again
Or here to hear Return of the Living Dead themesong
Please note: this website is for intelligent people, not this guy
Want to be a regular Monstervision fan? Try Ex-Lax
My dear, if you could give me a cup of tea to clear my muddle of a head, I should better understand your affairs - Charles Dickens
See anything on this page you don't like? Contact the Webmaster. Not to be confused with the Puppet Master. Whatever you do, for God's sake, don't attempt to contact the zombie/undead "Puppet Master." You've been warned. That's all I can do.
What do you little maniacs want to do first?
The Visitors are coming to the Sci-Fi Channel in a remake of "V" with Robert Englund of Nightmare On Elm Street as a "friendly" alien
Or visit the Neko homepage
Click here if you want to email spam to me
Note: if you want to printout this page, be sure your printer is set to black ink & no background. And that it has ink in it. And paper
His tactics suggest two-dimensional thinking . . . Click here if you wanna croak
Please don't feed the People Under The Stairs
I never would have dreamed it would turn out to be the bees!
John Deere stands behind everything he makes - except the manure spreader
banned ads ... Your arm's too short to box with Satan
42% of all statistics are fake
