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march 2001


its like that now.

03/11/o1


wow. another post. within just a day of the last one. what the hell is going on here?

actually.. i know what's going on. i'm trying to use my internet connection as much as possible, cause i'm gonna loose it in 3 days.. and i probably won't have a fast connection for a while..

and i believe with the loss of my internet connection, i'm also going to loose all of my mp3 files as well. so start downloading them now cause they're going to be gone in a few days.. (unless anyone knows of a free host that allows storage of mp3s - if so, email me here)

attention: i've created my own top webcams list, so if you've got your own cam site please sign up with my ranking.

i've also changed the poll again, and i lost the results to the old one [or else i'd post them here] but who cares anyways? it was a stupid poll and nobody participates anyway...


and i can't believe that i almost forgot to post this. just a few days ago, stang allowed me access to his computer via FTP. when i was snooping around on his hard drive, i came across this email message he had saved. turns out this message was him "breaking up" with his ex-girlfriend. haha. so i've decided to share with you what he had wrote. and hopefully someday shannon will read this..



It's quite a decision. I am not much of one to talk, I keep to myself.
I am obviously not affectionate, As long as I live I will never change.
Talking from a person like myselfs point of view is oblivious in any other
persons mind, including yours. Being the person that I am, and being the
person that you are, (No offense) should be taken into consideration before
life altering consequences occur. Therefore what I am trying to say is I
like you and believe deeply you are a very good person. What you want out of
this is unfortunately is not the same as myself. I cannot let this drag out,
I would never want to hurt your feelings in any way. So telling you this now
before we proceed any further I say would be the proper thing to do. About
the sex, it was wrong we should not have been doing that. Perhaps by having
sex with you I lead you to believe that I had stronger feelings for you,
which I did not. Maybe it was wrong but you made it so easy. Subsequently
this relationship is not going to work because of the way I am, and honestly
I probably will not have a girlfriend for a long time or until I settle down
a bit. My life is where I want it right now and I feel very comfortable with
what is happening. I feel like I did before I left to Vancouver almost a
year ago and it has taken this long to get adjusted back to normal. You have
seen in the past week how I am, with the phone calls, the affection, the
whole nine. I will always be like this,,forever,, I do not know a girl in
her right mind who would want to date me. Chris agrees with me, and I listen
to Chris over any other person I talk with.

I've tried but can't
You sit their and rave and rant.
Is it really a mystery?

C areless
A sshole
S ecretive
E llusive
Y es it's true.

I never tell people how I feel in actuality. I do not want you to be mad, I
hope you can accept my feelings because writing is the only way I can get my
true emotions across.

Not calling you that night probably sent you a bad vibe, I honestly forgot
and I know you hate that but its the truth.

          Sincerely, Casey.


casey,
why would i rave about what you have said.I don't really care(it's just too bad).
i just wanted to know because this relationship(or lack of) has been dragging
out this past week and your right you won't change but neither will i. i like
hanging out with you because a) your so easygoing b)i want your control with your
feelings and hope they can rub off on me(yeah right)and c)i have fun with you. i
hope that this won't make you feel weird around me because i want to do things
with you still. can you still be my friend? will you still teach me how to
snowboard? will you take me to a rave or go to a bar with me? can you do that
stuff or is it asking to much. At the embassy after i talked to chris i haven't
felt that this would have ever worked out because as weird as it seems chris told
me all the things i want and am looking for and then said that you are not going
to be able to give those to me.And as soon as i had time to think about it i knew
he was right. i feel chris has known me forever and he totally just clicked with me.
would you be mad or would it wreck your friendship if i were to be friends with
him??? because if it will i won't even try to call him (and who knows he might
not want to talk to me). About the sex, i don't like the idea that you wish it
wouldn't have happened because it has happened and has happened before
and you ignored it that time too. it was obvious to me that you didn't have
"stronger feelings" then before but i thought that you did like me(i hope you do)
but i never said that there were strings attached. Yes i did make it easy for you
because i like having sex with you and i would rather have sex with you then
with someone else. is that so bad? right now i think that we will make better
friends but who knows later on. so for now can we just be friends and see how
it goes? i never wanted a strong commitment right now either and maybe i gave
off the wrong messages but you never asked and i never said.
i just like to flirt!!

           I JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i haven't had fun for a long time because i did have a strong commitment and am
beginning to work on my happiness over everybody else's (like yourself). that's
why i think we would make good friends (and because i'm starting to like rave and
house music and actually can't stop dancing now) that itself is an accomplishment on it's own. i seen alex's brothers girlfriend at the fox on saturday(she hasn't changed much) and she remembers us sleeping there. its a small world. anyway hopefully you reply.


shannon
xoxox



hahaha.. god, that's some funny shit. and what makes it even funnier is that i posted it on here. fuck. stang, one word of advice: don't break up with your girlfriend by email! (and if you do, don't save the message!)

well... that's about all of it for today.

nope. wait. i lied. there's some new pictures in the latest pictures album..
i stole them off stang as well..



less than a week left.

03/10/o1



my last saturday in vancity. jesus, i should be out drinking. but no, here i am geeking on this fucking computer.

so, my petition failed and i've had to conform. the damn school won. i was forced to redo my final project for my audio production class. and god does it sound cheesy. listen to the new and 'unimproved' version and have a good laugh. "bad goods stay and good girls go"? what the hell? it just doesn't grab me like the explicit version. ahh well.. censorship is a motherfucker.


i've also released another remix: this time i've done a rendition of outkast's art of storytelling featuring slick rick. not too shabby, i like the beat (you'll recognize it from eminem's first album) look for it and the rest of my tunes under the releases section.

and what else.. hmmm.. caleb came over today and we puffed a fatty. you can actually watch us doing so to the left. i've also saved some pictures from his visit and added them to the latest pictures, so check that out.

also, i want to plug smallworld fantasy hockey - it's pretty cool, and a good time waster when your really bored.

and i believe that's all i've got to rant about today. oh wait.. i've changed the mp3 of the week again - now it's aphex twin's window licker [really funky shit!]
and what makes it even more amazing is that aphex twin designs all his own sounds and even constructs the equipment he uses to create them (the oscillators and such) fucking genius that man.





can't wait till i'm away.

03/03/o1


march already.. crazy.. there's only like 17 days left until the official start of spring... and i'm moving back to the miserable cold. oh well.. at least i'll be away from the miserable woman.

christ, my ex-girlfriend is about as appealing to me now as the girl in the picture in the left..

and now i've got a new crisis to deal with. does it ever end?!

my teacher for my audio production class has refused to mark my final project, as he states that it's "too degrading towards women"

                    -- excuse me?


if i remember correctly, this was for an audio production class, not a lyrical content evaluation course. i am supposed to be graded on the production value of the song, not for the song's actual meaning.

i am being discriminated against.
and i'm not taking it.

this is the very last straw. this school has pulled so much bullshit with me and this time they're not getting away with it. i've started a petition and i'm getting everyone i know to sign it. i'm demanding that my song not only be marked, but that it be graded fairly by another teacher with an open mind.


and if none of this changes anything, then i'm taking this to court. i will not let an issue like censorship keep me from getting my degree. fuck that.


other than this bullshit, everything's going according to plan. i'll be leaving for calgary in 2 weeks, so updates to the site will soon be a rare occurrence; at least until i get settled.




i've added more pictures that bernie sent me to the latest pics. most of 'em are pictures of his car, but whatever.. it's a civic, so stang will be pleased. haha. (that intake is fucking sweet, burns!)

i've also up'd a new remix that i did. it's called get the money, and it's performed by def squad and ja rule. it's my greatest work, but whatever... at least there's something new to listen to. (wait until i finish what i've been working on lately.. it's my finest yet!)


and i've finally been added to djrmx.com - so you can now download all my releases through them, as well as tracks from other djs. so check that out.

also, i want to plug half-honk's site, seeing as he ventured to mine & even took the time to sign my gbook. (take the hint here, people)




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