Ok, here's what everybody is really here for. Some funny stories.
Here's a new one that just happened a couple summers ago.
So Brent (my sister's ex) and I decide to go down to Osoyoos for the evening.
We were out and about for a while then headed home. On the way he asks where my
girlfriend at the time, Kendel, was. I told him she was visiting her Dad in
Kamloops. He says, "Let's go. I'm up for an adventure if you are." I'm thinking,
"Yah, right. Not happening." However, my Mom and sister were in Victoria looking
for a place for my sister while she went to school, so I could get away with it.
So we get back to good ol' Midway, Brent asks, "So, are we going?" "ALRIGHT! What
the hell, let's go!" So we leave Midway at midnight, me with a sleeping bag, one
change of clothes and Brent with nothing but what was in his car. We roll into
Kelowna at about 2 in the morning, checked out the club scene, saw a chick fight
and we were on our way. We pull into Vernon at 3am and decide to get some shut eye.
We found a nice little beach with a grassy park down by the lake to sleep at.
We roll out the sleeping bags and fell asleep at about 3:30am. At about 4am I
hear this and all
of a sudden I'm soaking wet! DAMN, AUTOMATIC SPRINKLERS! We scrambled a
little ways up the park and fell back asleep. 5am rolls around, sure enough
SON OF A BITCH!
Again, we move up but cleverly behind a big tree. 6am, AHHH, WHAT THE FUCK! We finally started
thinking and slept until 8am in the car. So now were up and ready to go. Grab
some A&W breakfast and off to Kamloops. We get there, call Kendel, but she's sleeping and
we can't wake her up. I don't know where exaclty she's staying, it's my first time to
Kamloops. We killed some time at the mall, Wal-Mart actually. Nothing else was open.
Finally, I called her Gramma and she got her up and we got directions. It's too bad the
directions we got were from the McDonald's in town, instead of where we were, out of town.
So me and Brent drove around Kamloops aimlessly for a few hours, pumping the Pulp Fiction
Soundtrack. "Let's Stay Together" by Al Green equals the Kamloops trip now. Anyway, I finally
talked to Kendel and got right directions. I got to see her for only a few hours then we
had to go becuase we told my Dad that Brent and I went fishing. Now were on our way home,
passing Kalamalka Lake and Brent says, "Do you want to rent some jet skis? Didn't you
say you wanted to sometime?" "Yah, alright. Sounds good." We pull into the next place
and rented a sea-doo. It was only supposed to be a single rider but the guy assured us,
"It would be just as fun." "Great, we'll take it." Were out on the lake, rippin' around.
Fun stuff, I have to admit. Until, water gets in the engine and we're stuck in the middle of
the lake with the wind blowing us away from the resort we rented it at. We were
floating around for about an hour until someone finally stopped to help. We eventually
got a tow back to the resort. The guy was a dork and only gave us a whole free half
hour next time! Stupid fag. Other then all that stuff the trip went fine and the air drum
solos to Green Day's Dookie on the way back were just plain amazing and best of all we
didn't even get busted.
This is the all-time greatest classic funny story
A couple years before the last story happened it was Brent's birthday. Him, my
sister, me and two other friends Chris and Gunnar decide to go out to Christina Lake.
Nothing special just hanging out, bugging Gunnar cause he was wearing socks with his sandals.
On the way home we stopped at Robin's Donuts in Grand Forks. We all get some donuts and sit
down. It's wasn't like the place was completely empty, there was actually quite a few elderly
folk around. Just your run-of-the-mill, normal old people. Chris, being an idiot, says,
"Man, that would really suck if you had NO hands!" He
didn't say it really loud, but loud enough so other people around us could hear too. So,
Chris sits his donut up on its side, puts his arms behind his back and stuffs his face in
the donut. We're all laughing, my sister wipes his face for him. No holding back, all out
public spectacle. I got up to go get a drink and I had noticed this one lady was hardcore
bitchy glaring at us. I'm thinking it must be because Chris is making a fool out of himself.
As I'm walking back to the table, I looked over at the lady as she drank her coffee
WITH ONE ARM!! I went back to the table, told everybody
and of course they all wheel around at the same time look at the lady. So needless to say
we left in a hurry and had a good laugh all the way home. Not to mention the fact we left
Gunnar the the million dollar restrooms and me and Chris actually thought we forgot him there.
Let me tell you people of this one guy I know. Nick Davis.
For the people who know who this is, stop laughing already. I could hear this guy's name and I'd start
laughing. One story I remember (because I talked about it the other night at hockey) is a classic
Nick Davis moment. We were at a hockey jamboree in Princeton and we had just finished one of our
games. There was a dance going on in the mezzanine so everybody was rushing to get in the shower.
One problem, no hot water, the shower was ice cold. Me and Nick were the last two to go to the
shower and we really didn't want a cold shower. We could have easily went back to the hotel we were
at and had one there. We decided not to and I jumped in the shower, had my 10 minute experience of
no testicles and got it over with. I jump out expecting Nick to waiting but, NO. There's Nick, ass naked
standing infront of the sink which he clogged with paper towel and filled with warm water, all lathered
up head to toe. So he pretty much had his shower out of the sink, washed his hair and all.
I'll spare the people who haven't experinced the wonders of a bulldog. Some people will
know of this talent and be laughing but if you don't know what it is now, you don't want to know.
Another Nick Davis beauty
One night a bunch of us were at a friends house, just hanging out. Somebody said they wouldn't
mind endulging in some illegal substances. Nick pipes up, "Hey, I bet I could get some off my
cousin but she lives in Greenwood." The only guy there with wheels was another buddy, Ryan Kole.
He said he'd go but it's his mom's car and it's getting low on gas. We decided we could go to
Greenwood, get the stuff and steal some gas while we're there. So Ryan, Nick, Gunnar, Matt and me all
pile into the car. For the record, Matt is not one of those people you want along when you're
trying to be quiet. All he did was laugh. Almost the entire trip we had a pillow over his face and
the interior light of the car. So we roll into Greenwood and figure we should get the gas first
because that's how we would get home. We saw a bunch of nice potential victims but nothing better
then the one we actually stopped for. Keep in mind Matt is still laughing at Nick. He was getting
pretty intense so it was pretty funny. The car we picked was perfect. Down a dark little street,
all alone with a nice big spot to park beside it. We didn't think that far ahead so we didn't have
anything to put the gas in but, we figured the hose was long enough to reach both cars. We nestle
up to the car, get a way style, turn it off and watch histarically as Nick prepares himself. You
had to see the guy, all dressed in black, big black hood and all, ready to suck on this piece of
garden hose. Now graceful is not a word I'd use to describe Nick so him trying to be sneaky is
beyond anything I've ever seen. It reminded me of how he meets girls. Nobody does it the same,
unique, very unique. We're all ready in the car, pillow over Matt's face and the light because
the door was open for the quick get a way. Nick steps out, undoes the other car's gas cap, puts
the hose in. Then, all of a sudden he's back in the car, "Go, go, go. Get out of here!!"
We all look back and all we can see is this cigarette ash glowing in the dark as some lady is
running towards the car. Ryan starts the car, slaps it in gear, ZIIIIIIING!
We were in neutral. He jams it down into first and we tear away spitting rocks at the lady and
we hear a loud SMACK! Just as we were pulling away she caught herself under the tire and we
RAN HER OVER!! No, actually she just caught up to us and smacked the back of the car.
That'd be pretty funny if we did though. After that we decided it wouldn't be such a good
idea to stick around so we left with no gas or what we came for. Oh well, it was worth it
to see Nick at his best.
This is what we do in Midway for fun
Anybody heard of the purse trick? Yah, it's the one from Mighty Ducks. Shit in a purse on the
side of the road. Now living in rural area, cow shit isn't hard to find. Brett usually had been
our main supplier of purses but this summer me and Brian (the other guy in the canoe pic) hit up
a nice little garage sale and picked up a stylin' purse for only like $3. So we used that until some
lady we now refer to as "Shit Purse Lady" took it. Luckily, Brian's boss was very understanding
and gave some of her old one to us. Not all shit purse adventures are lively so I'll only mention
the good ones.
There was the time me and Brett set it up in Rock Creek and this mini van picked it up then pulled
over right beside the place we were hiding. Then it started to cirlce the area like it was looking
for us, so Brett yells, "AHHHH, RUN!" I watched in amazement as
he ran right by the van yelling and screaming. I stayed but, man I bet those people in the van
weren't expecting that.
I think the best one from Rock Creek was when again me and Brett were set up infront of the gas
station, it was closed but other lights were on so the purse was well lit. Sure enough, here
comes a sucker. A pick-up with two guys grab it and continue on their way. They didn't get
very far. They pulled over at the next gas station just down the way. We walk over there, relieved
to see our purse for the night wasn't stolen. But, even better we found a nice little kleenex by
the purse with some of the cow shit wiped on it. Some guy must have got a bit ancy and reached in
before he looked.
Some people might think that only car would fall for this but, NO. In Greenwood we once got a
walker who we yelled at as he walked the rest of the way down the street and then five other
kids some on bikes. The best part about those guys was that we knew all of them. One of them
was actually smart enough to say, "It's probably full of shit." Then the brains of the gang
says, "Yah, but what if it's full of money!" What a retard. So they picked it up, got a big
whiff and tossed it aside. We yelled at them too.
Another good one from Greenwood was when me, Brett and Brian were right in the middle of town.
The other times it was more highway atmosphere but this one was right on the streets, well lighted,
it was beyond perfect. We set it up, me and Brian hiding and Brett was laying on a bench on the
sidewalk. Sure enough somebody stoppes right beside Brett. The driver picks is up then tosses
it right away and as they started to pull away slowly, Brett jumps off the bench and starts running
along side them laughing and yelling. That was funny, they must have thought he was cracked out
on some drugs.
The next time the 3 of us went to Greenwood was when Shit Purse Lady stole our purse that cost me and Brian
$3 but we got two girls fresh from the bar before that. It was great, we saw them come from the
bar, one girl gets out (drink in hand), picks it up, takes it in the car and both of them looked
at it and threw it out the window right away. By then we're all laughing really loud just to
rub it in that they've been had. They took off and when we went to go set it up again the same
car was coming back. We all took off to our hiding places incase they were really pissed off
or something. They stopped, didn't say anything for a while then we hear, "Hey, how many people
do you get with that trick?" They were good sports, thought it was the funniest joke they'd ever
seen and even wanted to do it with us next time.
