Funniest Quotes From the Boys

These are some of the most hilarious things ever uttered from Bono, Adam, Edge and Larry:

"Frisbetarians believe that when they die their soul goes up on the roof and they can't get it down." -Bono

"He [Brian Eno] is the art fag in us." -Bono

Kurt Loder: "Are you guys really party monster dance animals now or is this all just part of the record." Bono: "The latter."

"I'm using all this shit to my advantage. Otherwise I'm going to be looking for a job." -Larry, on drum machines

"The only place that it's important never to lie as a performer is to your makeup artist." -Bono

"It's the job of rock 'n' roll stars to set fire to themselves, and to, you know, sell flagellation, get up on a cross if they can, but definitely to die at 33." -Bono

"Coming to a rock 'n' roll gig and watching television... what more could you ask for?" -Larry, on ZooTV

"Whoa... Dude..." - Bono, after being asked his opinion of record companies not sharing promotion costs with the retailers

"My strongest trait is curiosity, I'm just lifting stones, you know, opening doors. Looking out windows, around corners, up skirts." -Bono

Kurt Loder: "Surely there's more to it than that." Larry: "Don't call me Shirley."

"That's why I buy cheap cars." -Bono, on being a bad driver and owning a Mercedes

"Having gone through the trouble of selling out, you'd expect to at least knock Michael Jackson off the top." -Bono, joking around about the Joshua Tree

"I'm a mannish dancer... Getting up on the one, I believe it's called." -Bono

"We leaked it. That's what you do if you're in a rock'n'roll band." -Bono, on the "Where the Streets Have No Name" video shoot

"No matter how much we wrap it up in tinsel and television, I'm still the geezer with the white flag." -Bono

"It's Anglo-Saxon. It's Teutonic. Crashing into each other is just not as evolved as real dancing." -Bono, on alternative rock's fear of the dance floor

"I used to find it uncomfortable to be around a lot of things. Then I found these goggles. I put them on and I found that I could go anywhere." -Bono, on the Fly

BP Fallon: "What would you like to have that you don't?" Bono: "Feet. My legs just seem to end."

"What do you mean 'lose money in some markets'? We generally lose money in all markets." - Larry, on tour costs

"We've made a career out of our personality crises, well, certainly I have." -Bono

"I remember it made a lot of sense at the time." -Bono, on the idea of taking a supermarket on tour

"It costs a fortune to look this trashy." -Bono at K-Mart

"They say, 'He who loves his life loses it.' But I say, 'Hate your life enough and you can keep it forever.'" -Mr. MacPhisto

"We still have the same ideals; we've just learned to look like we don't." - Bono at K-Mart

"This is great, isn't it? We travel the world, don't have to shoot people, get to play rock'n'roll, and we get paid for it." -Bono

"Bono, if you still haven't found what you're looking for, look behind the drum kit." -Boy George

"What a city! What a night! What a crowd! What a bomb! What a mistake! What a wanker you have for President!" -Bono, talking about the President of France at the 1995 MTV Europe Music Awards

"When this bogus term alternative rock was being thrown at every seventies retro rehash folk group, we were challenging people to new sonic ideas. If some little snotty anarchist with an Apple Mac and an attitude thinks he invented dance music and the big rock group is coming into his territory, [that's] ridiculous." -Bono

"What would Andy Warhol have done with this space?" - Bono

"It's your future. The only limits are the limits of your imagination. Dream up the kind of world you want to live in - dream out loud. At high volume! That's what we do for a living. Lucky Bastards!" -Bono in concert, Dublin New Year's Day 1990

"Hellllooooo, we're on holidaaaay. Daddy, if that's you, we're not coming home until you take the horns off! Byeeeeee!" -Bono's daughter, Jordan on their answering machine during Zoo TV

Interviewer: "Do you consider yourself a good dancer, Bono?"
Bono: "I dance much better horizontally than vertically."

"Welcome to Zoo TV y'all...the finest in software, hardware, & men's wear." -Bono 

"We don't write music for food; we write music for sex. Dinner parties just aren't our thing." - Bono

When asked, "why a lemon," Bono replies, "buy a lemon, not why a lemon."

"We have to go away and just dream it all up again." - Bono, New Year's Eve 1989

Here are some quotes from or about the Holy Bassist:

"Adam stuck out like a sore thumb." -Bono on Adam at Mount Temple

"Adam had the only amplifier so we never argued with him. We thought this guy must be a musician, he knows what he's talking about. He used words like 'gig, 'action" and 'fret.' Then we discovered he wasn't even playing the right notes! He couldn't play at all!" -Bono on Adam in the early days of the band

"a real rock 'n' roller... the only one in the band as such. He loves to party. He actually knows all the people in London and San Francisco and he's the person people want at their parties because he'll stand there in a smoking jacket and he'll drink, smoke cigars and he'll laugh at himself and other people. And they'll laugh back." -Bono on Adam's rock star lifestyle

"I would say there was an effort on your part to establish your own identity. You're not a man who takes things to excess. In fact, if the truth be known, Adam is such a boring old fart at this stage, it's myself and Bono that are hauled out of the nightclubs at two in the morning while Adam is home sleeping with his feet on a hot-water bottle. He's prematurely aged...I mean, that story about Adam and the corpse in that Holiday Inn..." -Edge on Adam's lifestyle (1985)

"We're a bunch of noisy, rough Irishmen that are arrogant enough to drag their tails all the way round the world and I think that's something to be proud of." -Adam on U2's identity as an Irish band

"I just think the album takes you somewhere. It's like a journey. You start in the desert, come swooping down in Central America. Running for your life. It takes me somewhere, and hopefully it does that for everyone else. -Adam on the Joshua Tree

"It was like -- throw out technology." -Adam on the simplicity of U2's studio sessions, Rattle & Hum 

"Nobody knows how it works. You turn the music up as loud as you can and hope people like it." -Adam from Touch the Flame, 1988

"There are people who would say that you shouldn't mix music and politics, or sports and politics or whatever. I think that's kinda bullshit." -Adam from the Rattle & Hum video

"It never officially had another name. There was a brief moment when it might have been called 'Adam'. That depended on the photography. There might have been a much bigger fifth member on the sleeve." -Adam on Achtung Baby

"I mean, this isn't meant to be the bloody Monkees, is it?" -Adam, during a video shoot in Times Square for "Faraway So Close," 1995

"What Adam does with his willy is his business..." -Bono

"I simulate love-making by beating a piece of wood with a metal wire on which it vibrates -- Answer to BP Fallon's question: "If a Martian landed and was introduced to you and asked you what do you do, what would you say?"

"And if it doesn't work, we'll just blame Eno." -Adam on the Passengers, Original Soundtracks I

"Men should not be forced to wear pants when it's not cold." -Adam from Flanagan's U2: At the End of the World

"Larry's always been noticed 'cause he's the pretty one." -Adam from Flanagan's U2: At the End of the World

"Some artists become dull when they stop drinking or drugging, but Adam's not one of them. He's his old self. He loses none of his rubber band shooting, water gun squirting, public disrobing spirit when he doesn't drink." –Bono on Adam from Flanagan's U2: At the End of the World

"It's kind of the transport of the future. It takes three adults and a child and it's got reflective panels to keep out unwanted radiation." -Adam on the mirror ball lemon

"It means we can go home now." -Adam, on what winning a Grammy meant to him

"And if it doesn't work, we'll just blame Eno." -Adam, on the Passengers album

"There are four members of U2. If there is a fifth, non-musical member it is Paul McGuinness. Either that or Adam's willy!" -Bono

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