I'm sorry, everyone. I was bored, so I wrote this dialogue fic, which I refer to as my "Insanity Fic." There will be no more after this. I promise!
Saka-chan: Konnichi wa, mina!! What's up?! I'm the almighty Saka- chan, writer of this pointless "Insanity Fic"-
Saka-chan: [turns head an glares] Excuse me, Chang? *What* did you call me?
Wufei: I called you a *hack,*onna. And DON'T call me Chang!!
Saka-chan: I'll call you whatever I damn well please, otoko!
Saka-chan: Anyway. . . this fic is OOC, with *many* yaoi implications (or blatant statements)
Wufei: As usual. . .
Saka-chan: Chang, don't *make* me pair you up with Relena!
Wufei: [gasps] You wouldn't!
Saka-chan: [evil glare] Oh, wouldn't I? [smiles when she sees the frightened look upon the Chinese boy's face] May I continue?
Wufei: [nods head]
Saka-chan: Good. Anyway, I don't own the GWing boys or the X boys (though I wish I did ^.~ v) and I have nothing of any real value that you can sue for. . . That said, ON WITH THE FIC!!
Wufei: [praying] Give me strength, Nataku!!
Saka-chan: That's it! NOW it's self-insertion too!
Gundam Wing Meets X
A knock at the safehouse door sends a hyper-active Duo bounding toward the door in all his braided glory. Opening the door, he reveals two very angsty boys. The other gundam pilots (plus Relena) just stare.
Quatre: And I thought Heero had angst. . .
Heero: [sends Quatre his "Glare of Death"]
Quatre: Eep! [Finds shelter behind Trowa]
Duo: Hey everyone! I'd like to introduce you to some friends of mine. This is Subaru Sumeragi and Kamui Shirou. [both boys bow]
Relena: Damn, Subaru! You're hotter than Heero!
Saka-chan: [in background] You slut! Stay away from Subaru-kun! He's already taken!
Relena: [shifts nervously] Umm. . .
Quatre: Uh. . . so! Where are you two from?
Quatre: What do you guys do there?
Kamui: We're supposed to prevent the Chi no Ryu from bringing upon the apocalypse.
Everyone except Subaru and Kamui: [blink]
Trowa: . . .
Duo: Uh, interesting. . . Anyway! We should really be going if we want to make that movie, eh?
* * *
Finally arriving at the theatres, everyone piles out of Quatre's BMW (no driver *this* time!). They stand in line to pay; all the while, Relena is shamelessly flirting with Subaru, who is trying his best to ignore her.
Heero: [to Subaru] Thanks for taking her off my back. She never leaves me alone.
Relena: What movie are we seeing, Subby-chan?
Saka-chan: [in background] Hey! Who gave you permission to call Subaru "Subby-chan"?!
Relena: I can call him whatever I damn well please! I'm Queen of the entire freakin' world!
Saka-chan: [in background] Yeah, right!
Saka-chan signals "she got into the vodka again" to the others. They all nod their heads in agreement.
Relena: Fine. . . *Subaru*, what movie are we seeing?
Subaru: [stoically] Whatever one we pay for.
Wufei: You're right Quatre- that boy's got angst coming out of every orifice of his body!
Quatre: Told you!
Duo: Okay! What movie are we all seeing?
Heero, Trowa, Wufei, Kamui, and Subaru: Saving Private Ryan!
Relena: Pearl Harbor!
Wufei: Please, onna! That's a romance movie, and you know it!
Relena: So? [bats eyelashes at Subaru] What's wrong with that?
Relena: Besides, it has violence in it. . . if that's what you're after.
Trowa: Saving Private Ryan does to. . .
Heero: Yeah. LOTS more!
Duo: Anou. . . I guess we're seeing Saving Private Ryan then. . .
Heero, Trowa, Wufei, Kamui, and Subaru: Yay!
Everyone else: [face-vault]
* * *
A loud explosion from the movie shakes the small theatre like an earthquake.
Heero, Trowa, Wufei, Subaru, and Kamui: Yeah!! Woo-hooo!!!
Duo: [manically] Ha ha ha ha ha!! Shinigami LIVES!!!
Relena: Will you guys *please* keep it down? The other people in the theatre might get upset.
Crickets chirp, signifying that they are the only ones within the theatre.
Relena: And besides, Subby-chan and I are trying to watch. Right, Subby- chan?
Subaru: Speak for yourself, onna!
Wufei starts laughing. Subaru gives Wufei a high five, while Relena sweatdrops. Suddenly, a very angry blonde girl storms into the theatres wearing a black tank top and green camouflage pants. She stalks over to Relena.
Wufei: [nervously] Oh, h-hey Saka-chan. . .
Saka-chan: Relena- over. . . now!
Saka-chan picks Relena up and throws her two seats away from Subaru. Saka- chan sits down next to Subaru, who smiles at her.
Subaru: Hey, Saka-chan.
Saka-chan: Hey, Subby-chan!
Relena: [upset] Why do *you* get to sit next to him and call him "Subby- chan"?!
Saka-chan: Because *I* don't bring disgust to his oh-so-bishounen face! [strokes Subaru's cheek]
Subaru: [smiling] Hmm. . .
Duo: Quiet! The good part's coming!
Another loud explosion shakes the theatre. On screen, men are crying in pain; one particular soldier is searching for his disembodied arm.
Everyone but Relena and Quatre: YEAH!!! Woo-hoo!!
Trowa: [whispering to Quatre] Is this too graphic for you?
Quatre: [whimpering] Sort of. . . You think I'd be used to it, being a soldier myself. . .
Trowa: Ssh. . . it's okay. [wraps arms around Quatre's] I'm here.
Quatre: Arigato, Trowa-kun. [smiles and kisses the tip of Trowa's nose]
Wufei: I *knew* she'd stick in some yaoi-kawaiiness somewhere. . .
Saka-chan: [evil grin] You're next, Wu!
* * *
At a local sushi restaurant, the five pilots, Kamui, Subaru, Relena, and Saka-chan sit at a large, out of the way booth. They are all sitting together- Quatre next to (or rather, nearly sitting in the lap of) Trowa, next to Heero, next to Duo, next to Kamui, next to Subaru, next to Saka- chan, next to a very unhappy Relena.
Duo: Thanks for the round of sake, Subaru-kun. [winks]
Subaru: [smiling] No problem, Duo.
Heero: Keep it away from Relena, though. You know how she gets when she's exposed to alcohol.
Everyone except Relena shudders, remembering that disastrous Christmas party less than a year ago.
Relena: How old *are* you, Subby-chan?
Saka-chan: [gives Relena a sape]
Subaru: Eeto. . . 25.
Relena: YOU'RE 25?!!
Kamui: Duh! We all knew that!
Relena: *I* didn't!
Wufei: That's because you're a baka, onna. [Everyone but Relena laughs]
Waiter: Here are your. . . drinks. . . [looks around the table] Umm. . . how old are you all?
Everyone else: 21!
Waiter: Okay. . . umm. . . what can I get for you?
Subaru: [pointing to Kamui and Saka-chan] We'll share the Royal sushi platter. [Saka-chan and Kamui nod]
Duo: [grinning madly] Make that two!
Quatre: Let me guess. . . you're sharing with Heero?
Quatre: Nani?! It's 60 pieces of sushi!!
Duo: What's your point? If I finish it all within twenty minutes, it's free!
Everyone but Duo: [sweatdrop]
Wufei: [cynically] That should be no challenge for you, Duo.
Duo: Thank you, Wufei! See, Quatre? *Some*one believes in me.
Saka-chan and Wufei: [face-vault]
Waiter: Anou. . . [to Trowa] how about you sir?
Trowa: Teriyaki Chicken
Heero: Sampler sushi platter
Relena: I'll have the Teriyaki Chicken as well.
Waiter: [nods and walks away]
Relena: So, Kamui, are you seeing anyone?
Kamui: [blushes] Not at the moment.
Relena: How about you, Subaru?
Everyone at the table goes quiet. A nervous expression begets Saka-chan's face. She searches desperately for a new subject.
Subaru: [stoically- angsty manner about him] Yes.
Relena: Oh? What's her name?
Saka-chan: [gives Relena another sape]
Subaru: *His* name is Seishirou Sakurazuka.
Kamui and Saka-chan: [send death glare at Relena]
Relena: Oh. . . am I sensing a little hostility?
Saka-chan: Shut up, or I'll put you into a Dorothy x Relena fic!
Their food finally comes after thirty minutes of complete and utter silence. The tension is so thick, you can cut it with a knife. Just then, two dark-haired men walk into the restaurant and sit down at a nearby booth. Saka-chan, Kamui, and Subaru all gasp. The two dark-haired men turn around, and see the group of nine sitting crowded around a booth. The two men smile, get up from their seats, and walk over to the group.
Dark-haired man #1: [grinning wickedly] Hello, Kamui.
Kamui: Hello. . . Fuuma. . .
Dark-haired man #2: Subaru-kun. . . long time no see.
Relena: [to the others] Who are these guys?
Saka-chan: Old boyfriends. . . enough said.
Everyone at table: Ahh. . .
Saka-chan: What are *you* guys doing here?
Fuuma: We decided to get a little dinner. Destroying cities is tiring.
Duo: Amen! [Heero gives him a sape]
Seishirou: Have you been taking care of my Subaru-kun?
Subaru: [looking at Sei-chan lovingly]
Saka-chan: [rolls eyes] Why do *you* care?!
Seishirou: [smiles] Still bitter, eh?
Saka-chan: [mumbles] No da. . .
Fuuma: Kamui, I hope you're not still mad at me for hurting you like that all those times. And Subaru, I'm sorry about your eye.
Relena: I was wondering why one of his eyes was white. . .
Kamui: Of course not, Fuuma. Subaru and I were able to spend a lot of time together. [winks at Subaru] Eh, Subaru-kun?
Fuuma: Good. I'm glad.
Duo: Hey, why don't you guys join us? Might be nice to hear what Subaru and Kamui are *really* like!
Saka-chan: I already know. . .
Fuuma: [grinning] Do you?
Saka-chan: [grin] I know about you, too. And I must say, this dark look is much better than that upright and righteous look you used to sport!
Fuuma: Why, thank you. I try, you know. . .
Saka-chan: I can tell. . . [wink]
Relena: It's bad enough you won't let me near Subby-chan. Now you're flirting with Fuuma?!
Saka-chan: First of all, what did I say about calling Subaru-kun "Subby-chan"?! [she and Sei-chan glare at Relena] Second, I *told* you Subaru was taken! How dare you hit on a married man!
Subaru: I'm not married. . .
Seishirou: We can change that. Las Vegas is only, what, eight hours drive away?
Subaru: Eeto. . .
Duo: Road trip!!
Heero, Duo, Trowa, Quatre, Wufei, Kamui, Subaru, Seishirou, Fuuma, and Saka- chan all pile in to Quatre's limo (switched it at the movies). Duo puts in a C.D., and "Viva Las Vegas" starts playing. Meanwhile, Relena sits at the booth, dumbfounded.
Relena: How odd. . .
Waiter: Will there be anything else?
Relena: Huh? Oh, no thank you. . .
Waiter: Very well, then. Here's your check.
Relena: [looks at bill for their food- $104.83] AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Dorothy: [just walked in] Oh, hey Relena-sama! I didn't know you ate here. [sits down right next to Relena, and starts rubbing Relena's hand] By the way, you're looking very beautiful tonight.
Relena: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!! [turning red with anger] DAMN YOU SAKA-CHAN!!!
Wufei: [grinning] You are *evil* onna!
Saka-chan: Thank you, Wufei. That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me. [smiles]
Fuuma: Ready to go, Saka-chan?
Saka-chan: Hai! [to Wufei] Close out for me, won't you? Wufei: Anou. . . Saka-chan: Thanks, Chang. Jaa, mina! [walks off arm-in-arm with Fuuma] Wufei: That onna is *really* strange. . .